The Problem of Gossip, Part 1

If you got your Bible, turn to Proverbs chapter 6 We are in the process of looking at different problems that we face day in and day out But one thing that each of us faces, one thing that each of us unfortunately does, is involve ourselves in talking about others as well as listening to others talk. about others. A number of years ago, it was the Wall Street Journal who recorded these words about the snake that poisons It says it topples governments and wrecks marriages, ruins careers, busts reputations, causes heartaches, nightmares

Indigestion spawns suspicion, generates grief, dispatches innocent people to cry in their pillows Even its name hisses It's called goss. off gossip, shop gossip, party gossip, it makes headlines and headaches Before you repeat a story, ask yourself, is it true? Is it fair? Is it necessary? If not, Shut up That's pretty good counsel from the Wall Street Journal But you know, there is a snake that poisons, and that is gossip It's something that permeates our homes, it permeates our churches It permeates the office where we work

And more than we'd like to admit, we find ourselves wrapped up in the gossip And yet the Bible speaks very clearly about how we are to use our words In fact, the Bible says in Proverbs chapter 10 verse number 11, the mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life But is it not true that we find ourselves speaking words that don't minister life to others? And we find ourselves saying things that destroy others The Bible says that we are to consider how we can stimulate one another to love and good deeds And part of that is speaking to one another in ways that build one another up

The Bible says in Proverbs 11, verse number 9: The godless destroy their neighbors with their mouths It's the ungodly person who will destroy their neighbor It's not the godly person And the neighbor being not necessarily the one next door to you, but the person sitting next to you on the pew, the person that you associate with at work And we need to go back and study what the word of the Lord says concerning gossip The Bible says in Ephesians 4, verse number 3, that we are to endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace

We have unity in the body because Christ has brought us together as one We are made one by the blood of Jesus Christ our Lord Paul knows that in that body we need to endeavor to keep that which Christ has given to us Endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace And one of the ways that we don't do that is by talking about one another The Bible says over in Psalm 15, verse number 1, these words: O Lord, who may abide in thy tent? Who may dwell on thy holy hill? He who walks with integrity and works righteousness and speaks truth in his heart He does not slander with his tongue

Nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend The psalmist says, Who can ascend unto the hill of our Lord? Who can dwell with the M High God? The one who walks in integrity, the one who speaks truth from his heart, the one who doesn't slander his brother The one who doesn't take up a reproach against his friend

In other words, when someone speaks against your friend, what do you do? Do you defend your friend? Do you protect your friend? Or do you take up that reproach against your friend? You see, if you're going to be a biblical friend, and we'll talk about this next week, then you need to know what it means to defend your brother And unfortunately, we find ourselves entering into the gossip that is spread about other people The Bible says over in 2 Timothy chapter 3 these words about the end times Paul says that in the last days there's going to be perilous times

There's going to be times that are grievous And he begins to outline for us what those times actually look like He says, men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, and malicious gossips One of the characteristics of end times is that people will begin to speak more and more against one another And we need to make sure that we're not a part of that Listen to what the Bible says over in the book of Romans, the first chapter, the 28th verse

And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit. malicious gossips God says that when He turns people over to their own sinful devices, they become more and more involved in greedy Filthy sins, and one of those is becoming malicious gossips So we need to understand that the Bible is very serious about that In fact, Proverbs chapter 6 says that there are six things which the Lord hates

Yes, seven are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood. a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil, a false witness who utter lies, and one who spreads strife among Brothers In other words, one who sows discord among the brethren In other words, one who begins to divide the brethren And how is that done? Through speaking against one another The amazing thing is that we engage in something so often that God hates so much And so we need to be able to go back and. exam our lives and try to ask and answer some questions

Number one, we're going to ask, what is gossip? And then we 're going to ask, what does gossip do? Because some people think, well, it's just not that big a deal, talk about somebody else Really? Let's see what the Bible says And then we're going to ask: why do people gossip? Why do people gossip? What is it that motivates them to speak about other people? And then fourthly, what shall I do about it? Okay? Four questions, many, many answers to those four questions

Okay? What is gossip? Melody Green said that gossip is sharing anything about someone when the act of sharing it is not part of the solution to that person's problem That's a good definition You see, gossip is that which is damaging and destructive and defaming of someone else And it falls under two main categories: good gossip and bad gossip There is a bad gossip and there is a good gossip, but both are evil First of all, there is that malevolent gossip That is the malicious int we have to destroy someone else It's wishing evil upon someone else That is what we call malevolent gossip

It's with malicious intent. I really want to say something against someone else. I really want to tear them down. I really want you to think of them as I think of them, and that's not much And so that's how we engage our conversation Illustration of this is over in Psalm 31, when the psalmist said these words, verse number 10: For my life is spent with sorrow, and my Years with sighing My strength has failed because of my iniquity, and my body has wasted away The psalmist says, Things are bad because of my sin, and he knows it

And then he says, Because of all my adversaries I have become a reproach, especially to my neighbors, and an object of dread to my acquaintances Those who see me in the street flee from me. I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind. I am like a broken vessel, for I have heard the slander of many terror Is on every side While they took counsel together against me, they schemed to take a my life The psalm says, listen, it's one thing to face your own sin and the guilt of your own sin It 's another to watch others begin to talk about your sin behind your back

And so many times there are people with malicious intent They say things because they really want to bring another person down They say things because they want to destroy another person's reput And so they will distort the truth They will malign that individual and say things that might be completely wrong They might even be right But he has no right to speak them And the only reason he or she does is because they want to tear that individual down in the eyes of the people they're speaking to That's malevolent gossip That's the kind with purposeful, malicious intent

But we as Christians don't do that one as often as we do the good gossip We call that benevolent gossip And that is, we are not necessarily purposefully trying to rip somebody else apart to someone else Instead, we just share things out of context We take things and speak to others about them and camouflage them in Christianes And therefore, we do that To relay information that might not be encouraging to the one we share about For instance, People engage in benevolent gossip when they gather together for prayer Does anybody have a request? Well, you know, I've got a request

What is it? Well, you know, it's kind of It's kind of an unspoken one Oh, well, okay Sure don't want to share it with us? Well, maybe I should, seeing as though you twisted my arm You know, have you heard about so-and-? No What about so-and-so? Well, you know, we need to bring them before the Lord Well, why? Well, you know, they're having all kinds of problems in their marriage Really? What kind of problems? Well, it seems like you're twisting my arm Let me tell you about some of those problems they're having And oh, we need to go to prayer Need to bring them before the throne of grace

And you know, we do need to do that But sometimes we engage in that benevolent gossip that Quote, good gossip, which really is evil, under the guise of, you know, this is about Christian thing We're just praying for them so that they might grow in their walk with the Lord But the purpose necessarily isn't as much bringing them before the throne of grace as it is informing the people about the problems of that individual Our motives are wrong Another way we engage in benevolent gossip is that we take things out of context

Whenever you take a sentence or a situation out of context, You distort it And when you do that, someone not getting the full picture of what was said might think you said something, or that individual said something that was completely wrong Happens a lot to those who teach People walk out of the class and they say, Well, so-and said this And they quote just enough of what he said, but quote it out of context. I want to be the first to let you know that you can take any sermon I've ever preached and brand me a heretic by just taking a portion of what I've said And people tend to do that

But the most common form of benevolent gossip happens, listen, whenever you inject but in the sentence Let me give you an example They are a beautiful couple, but that's a great church, but he's a good teacher, but You see, whenever you inject but into a sentence, that's where encouragement ends and erosion begins We need to think about that We inject that but into the sentence We just can't leave it as they're a good couple We have to inject the but But did you know? This is how certain things are

But did you know about their children? But did you know about their parents? But did you know this? But did you know that? That is commonly called benevolent gossip And let me help you understand a verse of scripture that is so paramount to anything that we say And I think, and I had you use a verse of Scripture this evening as a means of your testimony to see exactly how God was using the word of the Lord in your life But I think it would be good that if every single one of us here this evening would use Ephesians 4:2 as the barometer for our conversations

It says this, Let no un word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment That it may give grace to those who hear Wouldn't it be good if Ephesians 4:2 was the theme verse for your family? Or the theme verse for your Sunday school class, or the theme verse for you personally Let no un word proceed out of your mouth In fact, the only thing you're going to let come out of your mouth is a word that builds up, never a word that tears down

Can you imagine how great our marriages would be? Can you imagine how great it would be to be a part of a family where all you did was build one another up and encourage each other by the words that came out of your mouth? You see, we forget, as Proverbs 18 says, that life and death are in the power of the tongue And what you say that has the potential for good. has an equal potential for evil The words you say can destroy another person's life

So what is gossip? Gossip is using my words either maliciously, a malevolent way, Or, in a benevolent way, to damage, destroy, or defame another individual And we've got to be very careful about that And I think that if you were to guard your conversation, You'd begin to see how many times we say things that really are bringing others down, not building others up What does gossip do? That's point number two Four words I want to give you The first word is division Division The Bible says in Proverbs 18, 28, a gossip separates close friends Proverbs 17, verse number 9

He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends There's nothing that separates an intimate friend than to repeat a matter, than to slander the individual Nothing that will destroy a relationship quicker Nothing that will divide a relationship quicker Than if you were to speak against someone else That's what slander does, and that's what happens It causes people who are close To be divided

You ever met people who were really good friends and then all of a sudden they're not friends anymore? What happened? What caused there to be a division of the relationship? It's because somebody slandered the other Slandering separates close, intimate friends It divides And that's why marriages can be destroyed Those intimate relationships between husband and wife is because the father will slander the mother, or the mother will slander the father to the children And now, those intimate relationships are divided See, we forget about that

You should not speak against your wife or your husband to your children Never do that Once you do that, You begin the division of intimacy You begin that And that's why a slanderer separates close friends Job said in Job 19:2, How long will you vex my soul and break me in pieces with your words? Job knew the power of the word Job knew how the word could destroy a relationship And we got to be careful about the things we say, right? So what does concept do? Number one, division It divides intimate relationships, it divides close friends Number two, diss Diss is created in the body of Christ

The Bible says, 1 Corinthians chapter 1, verse number 10 Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree, and there be no divisions or dissensions among you. but you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment For I have been informed concerning you, my brethren, by Chl's people, that there are quarrels among you Diss is created in the body of Christ, When an individual begins to speak against another one, that's why the book of Proverbs says in Proverbs 6, verse number 19, that there is one who spreads strife or dissension among brothers

The one who utters falsehoods and utters lies is one who begins to cause dissension in the body of Christ And so, not only is there a division of intimate friends, but there is dissension that's created in the body When people begin to speak against one another, people take up sides, don't they? And all of a sudden, they begin to fight for a cause for one individual They might not know all the facts involved They don't even care to know all the facts involved They just want to take up sides And all of a sudden, people are fighting a war they're not even a part of

And dissension is created in the body of Christ The Bible says in Proverbs chapter 26, verse number 20, For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, cont Quiet down Now that's a very vivid picture, right? No wood, no fire, no contentious individual, no strife You know, we forget that when we're together as a church, take your family, for instance If you have one individual that's contentious There is strife in the home, right? Remove the contentious person, there is no strife Same way in the church Remove the contentious person, there is no strife There becomes peace

That's why the Bible says that one sinner can destroy much good Ecclesiastes 9, verse number 18 One little leaven leavens the whole lump And when someone begins to sow discord among the brethren by uttering lies and speaking untruths, and speaking about other people, then what happens is that great dissension is caused In the body of Christ Many schisms We need to be careful about that, right? And thirdly, there's another thing that gossip does, and that is what we'll call Destruction Gossip destroys your life and other people's lives

Proverbs 13:3 says, He who guards his lips guards his soul, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin If you guard your mouth, you're going to guard your soul But if you speak rashly, if you say things that aren't true, you're going to come to ruin The Bible says in Proverbs 21, 23, he who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself from calamity, misery, dis. I am convinced that there are many people who have emotional problems because they can't keep their mouth shut They're always talking about somebody else

And they have all kinds of emotional turmoil, all kinds of uneasiness in their lives because they just can't be quiet It's going to destroy their lives If we knew how much problem we had physically and emotionally because we talked too much, we'd put duct tape over our mouths We'd stop talking Many words causes much turmoil, much trouble And we need to be careful about what we say and how we say it Proverbs 21:2, a false witness will perish But the man who listens will speak forever Now, the text says, But the man who listens to the truth will speak forever

To the truth is in italics because it's not in the original text So the verse reads, A false witness will perish, but the man who listens speaks forever In other words, the one who speaks falsely is going to die, but what he has said is going to be carried on forever and ever and ever by somebody else And that's what you've got to be careful about because it's destructive, not only to the person who speaks it, but those who hear it For those who hear it begin to think, wow, this is something exciting Listen to Proverbs chapter 18, verse number 8

The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels. and they go down into the innermost parts of the body Never ask yourself, why is it when someone begins to give a little bit of juicy information that you just have to listen to it? You want to know more You want to act a little pious and say, you know, I don think you ought to be saying those kinds of things, you know But down deep, there's that, oh, I wish he'd just give me some more information If I just knew a little bit more, who is it? What did they do? The reason is because the words of a whisperer are like dainty morsel

It's like you know, someone made you brownies with nuts in them, and there's one left, and it's sitting there on the counter, and you know you need to eat it And so you look at it, you say, you know, I want that last bit of chocolate Oh, it would smell with a nice glass of milk Maybe heat that brownie up in the microwave for about seven seconds just so that it begins to get a little warm Boy, I tell you, I just went, oh, it's just so good That's the way whisperers are They say things that are like dainty morsels

We just want to get that last bit, that last tidbit, and it just, ooh, it just tastes and sounds So good But the Bible tells us very clearly that those dainty morsel affect your soul They affect the deepest part of your life And in so doing, they affect it. negatively For instance, when we hear something, a rumor about someone and it goes down into our body, it's very hard and awfully long before we ever forget about what we heard Because it stays It goes so deep, it stays

That's how sin works, see? And that's the destructive influence of the whisperer and the destructive influence of those of us who listen to that It really brings about a devastation of our life and the lives of those who hear it See, we don't think of it that way We think, well, they're just words You know, sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me Well, whoever Said that, never read Psalm 31 See, we need to understand the power of words and how they affect our lives And lastly You need to apply the scriptures to your life You need to apply the scripture to your life

Ephesians 4:2 Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth Know what that means? That means, number one, that every word out of my mouth must be consistent with the primary motivation of building you up, every word Every word must be consistent with the primary motivation of building you up Number two, no word I say will ever violate my basic commitment to be used of God to edify you And number three, never am I going to say something that is going to interfere with the opportunity that I have to influence you for God

That's what it means by not letting any unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth Folks, wouldn't it be good if that verse was committed to memory? and that verse was was taped on the steering wheel of our car, on the mirror in our bathroom, on the door of our refrigerator It was plastered across my forehead so that everybody who saw it would read it That's a verse that needs to control our lives, right? May God give us the grace to accomplish His purposes Let's pray.