The Problem of Friends, Part 1

We've been studying the book of Proverbs on Wednesday night, and we're almost done in terms of what it is we're trying to cover, but we've been looking at different problems and what are the solutions to the problems we face on a regular basis. And the reason we study the book of Proverbs is because it's a book written primarily to young people, students, college age, high school students, people who need to understand how to deal with problems such as money, pride, gossip, lying, anger, sexual temptation, alcohol, fear, all those things we're going to cover. But the bottom line is that there's lots of issues that we face, and as parents, we need to be able to train our children to understand those issues and what God says about them.

And the problem we're going to talk about this evening is a problem that we don't readily think of as a problem, but it really is, and that is the problem of friends. And believe it or not, we as parents need to be able to help our young people be able to choose their friends as well as learn to be a friend. And quite frankly, as parents, we're not very good at being friends with other people, and therefore we have a hard time teaching that to our children.

But the book of Proverbs is a book that gives us wisdom in all kinds of areas. In fact, we read on our first session together, Proverbs chapter 1, where it says, the Proverbs of Solomon, the son of David, king of Israel, to know wisdom and instruction. Proverbs is about knowing wisdom, about receiving instruction about life's issues, to discern the sayings of understanding, to receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice, and equity.

We need discernment, and we need to know how to live properly. To do that, you must be a master of the book of Proverbs. And as parents, and as grandparents, we must know this book inside and out in order for us to be effective teachers of our children.

Because Proverbs is a book about discernment. It's a book about wisdom. And our children need to know wisdom.

They need to have understanding. They need to receive knowledge and instruction. Proverbs is that book that does so.

Verse 4, chapter 1, Proverbs is designed to give prudence to the naive, to the youth, knowledge and discretion. So, our young people receive knowledge. They receive discretion through this book.

Therefore, as parents, we must master the principles. We must know the verses. We must know the issues that Solomon raises with his son.

Because there were some of the issues that his father raised with him that he might become the kind of man God wanted him to become. At the same time, Solomon learned from his mistakes. He doesn't want us to repeat those mistakes.

And as parents, a lot of times we have made some serious errors in our lives. And when we read the book of Proverbs, we can go back and realize, you know what? If I would have known this 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, maybe things would be different for me today. The good news about that is I can teach other people what God is now teaching me, so they can grow in discernment, wisdom, knowledge, and discretion.

Tonight, it's about friends and what the Bible says concerning the problems of friends. And the book of Proverbs has a lot to say about that. And the word companion, the word neighbor, and the word friend is used interchangeably throughout the Old Testament and the New Testament to describe a person of friendship.

And Proverbs uses it quite regularly. And so we want to be able to understand what the Bible says concerning friends. And we told you before that Abraham was a friend of God.

Let me begin by helping you understand something, that in order to be a friend of man, you need to be a friend of God. If you're not a friend of God, you're going to have a hard time being a friend of man, because everything stems from a relationship with the living God. Now, Abraham was a friend of God because Abraham was forgiven by God.

You can't be a God's friend unless you've been forgiven by God. And the only way you can be forgiven by God is if you are favored by God. Now, God doesn't favor you because you dress nice, you look nice, you go to church, and you just gain acceptance with Him.

No, to be favored by God means to be graced by God. That is, God graces you with His salvation. Abraham was a friend of God because he was forgiven by God.

He was forgiven by God because he was favored by God. That is, he found grace in the eyes of God. Like Noah found favor in the eyes of God.

Noah was graced by God. Genesis chapter 6. We know in Luke chapter 1 that Mary found favor in the eyes of God. That is, Mary was graced by God.

And so if you're going to understand friendship, you must be, first of all, a friend of God. And the only way that happens is through forgiveness and through the favor that God bestows upon you. And so I would encourage you, if you don't know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, if you've never given your life to Christ, that becomes the prerequisite to understanding biblical friendship, to understanding what the Bible says about the relationships we have with one another and how God wants to use us in the lives of one another.

And so we want to begin our time together this evening by listening to the words of Solomon in Ecclesiastes chapter 4, because he wrote that book too. He said, two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.

But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together, they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

Solomon says there's something unique about a companion, a neighbor, a friend, and that is you are able to have mutual success as well as mutual support. And with that comes a mutual kind of strength that allows you to be stronger than if you were alone. Having said that, we want to look and see what the Bible says concerning some practical insights about friendship.

And then we're going to look at some basic instructions from Proverbs about those friendships, and then give you some foundational ingredients to every friendship. Okay? First of all, the practical insights, four of them. The first thing I want you to see is the need for friends.

The need for friends. The Bible says in Proverbs chapter 17, verse number 17, these words, a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. The Bible says in Proverbs chapter 27, verse number 6, these words, faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.

Proverbs chapter 27, verse number 17, iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. There is a need for friends. We need to understand that.

Your children need to understand that. And I think as I read through the Bible, I realize that there are certain men that you think are strong and independent, and they wouldn't need anybody to assist them. And the apostle Paul, you would think of as one of those people.

But turn with me in your Bible to 2 Timothy chapter 1 for a moment, and let me show you some of the friends of the apostle Paul. 2 Timothy chapter 1. The Bible says in verse number 15, you are aware of the fact that all who are in Asia turned away from me, among whom are Phigilius and Hermogenes. The Lord grant mercy to the house of Onosiphorus, for he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains.

But when he was in Rome, he eagerly searched for me and found me. The Lord grant to him to find mercy from the Lord on that day, and you know very well what service he rendered at Ephesus. Paul begins in 2 Timothy chapter 1, his last letter, by helping us to understand that there was this one individual, Onosiphorus, whose name means bringer of profit.

Onosiphorus means bringer of profit. And Paul says that this one individual brought him refreshment. This one man, when everybody else in Asia turned away from him, this one man would go to Rome and seek the apostle Paul.

He would search for the man until he was able to find him and bring him refreshment. There was something about Onosiphorus as to why Paul would mention him, put him in the archives of the Scriptures, so that we would always know that in order for us to bring profit to others, to refresh them, we must learn to stand with them. Onosiphorus would stand with the apostle Paul.

He wasn't ashamed of the chains that Paul found himself in. Onosiphorus wasn't afraid to be chained by Paul. He would leave his family.

He would go and search for this man so he might be with him and bring him profit. Onosiphorus was a man who would stand with the apostle Paul. Not only would he stand with him, but he would soothe him.

How did he soothe him? With his words, with his person, by being there. The Bible says, he often refreshed me. And not only did he soothe him, but he would sacrifice for him.

He would leave his family and do whatever it would take to find him, and then he would serve him. The Bible says that Paul would remind Timothy how often in Ephesus Onosiphorus would be of service to him. If you want to be a bringer of profit to people, you need to learn to stand by them.

You need to be able to sacrifice for them. You need to be able to soothe their pain, and you need to be able to serve them regularly. But Paul wasn't done.

Go to the last chapter, chapter 4. He says in verse number 9, make every effort to come to me soon, Timothy. He wants to be able to see him. For Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica.

Demas wasn't a good friend. And the reason Demas wasn't a good friend was because he was a friend of the world. And if you're a friend of the world, you're not a friend of God.

That's why we tell you, you need to be a friend of God in order to be a friend of man. Demas was a friend of the world. Paul says, he has forsaken me for this present world.

He loves the world. He wants to be a part of the world. He doesn't want to stand with me.

He doesn't want to sacrifice with me. He doesn't want to serve alongside of me. He just wants to do his own selfish thing.

So he has left me. He has deserted me for his love for the world. He is a friend of the world.

And then Paul says, Crescens has gone to Galatia. Titus to Damasia. Only Luke is with me.

Luke. Luke was a physician. Did you know that? He was a physician.

And he would be that individual who would travel with the apostle Paul because Paul was snake-bitten. He was beaten. He was stoned.

He needed somebody with him to repair him, to put him back together again, to bandage him so that he could continue to do what he's doing. And he was, he was Mr. Repairman. He would be able to put Paul back together again.

He says, only Luke is with me. And then he says, pick up Mark and bring him with you. That's, that's a man that he had left behind way back earlier in the book of Acts because he was a mama's boy and wasn't strong enough to go with the apostle Paul.

But Barnabas had worked with him and Barnabas had encouraged him. And now Paul sees the value of John. He says, bring Mark with you.

Bring Mark. And then he says, for he is useful to me for service. But Tychicus I have sent to Ephesus.

Wow. Paul speaks of these people as his friends. And I wonder if we lived during the time of the apostle Paul, if we would have been one of his friends, that he would put into one of his letters and he would be one like Timothy, come to me soon.

I want to be able to see you. Or one like Onosiphorus who would bring profit to him. And I have to ask myself the question, as much as you have to ask yourself the question, are you the kind of person that brings profit to others? We need to be friends.

And that friendship needs to be in such a way that we are able to be a benefit to other people. Onosiphorus was that way. So one of the first practical insights we need to understand is the need for friends.

Everybody needs a friend, right? And everybody needs to be a friend. The question is what kind of friend are you? And then there is the nobility of friends. The nobility of friends.

And what I want to share with you are a couple of verses that at the outset you might not necessarily understand, but let me explain them to you. The Bible says very clearly in the book of Proverbs chapter 19 verse number 4, these words, wealth adds many friends. But a poor man is separated from his friends.

Now when we first read that we think, well yeah of course if you've got lots of money you've got lots of friends. Everybody wants to be friends with the rich guy. I mean after all if you're in his will and when he dies, guess what? You become the rich guy.

So everybody wants to be friends with the rich man. The Bible also says these words in Proverbs 19 verse number 6, many will entreat the favor of a generous man. And every man is a friend to him who gives gifts.

Now that's a true statement, right? Everybody is a friend of the one who gives gifts. Somebody gives you a gift, you want to be their friend. After all, who knows, they just might keep giving you gifts.

And then the Bible says this, all the brothers of a poor man hate him, hate him. How much more do his friends go far from him? He pursues them with words, but they are gone. Now when you read that, understand it in this context.

Understand it in the context of the nobility of friends, that somehow there is a need, and that need is met by the rich man. And that is there is a need that one has that the poor man is not necessarily unable to meet, but is unwilling to meet, so much so that when he pursues you with his words, as it says in Proverbs 19, his friends run from him, not toward him. You see, the Bible is very clear about the needs of man.

The Bible says over in 1 John chapter 3 verse number 7, whoever has this world's goods and sees his brother in need and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? The point is this, that we need to understand that someone who gives to you, someone who knows you have a need and is willing to meet that need is a noble man. And we need to be the kind of people that when we see a need are able to meet that need. When we talk about a rich man, we're not talking about a man with lots of money.

We talk about a poor man. We're not talking about a homeless guy. We're talking about a guy who was unwilling to depart from those things that he loves, versus the man who is willing to be generous to those who are in need.

And that's some of the practical insights we need to understand about friendship. That the rich man, he wants to be able to benefit those who have a need. And that doesn't mean you, you know, you have a six-figure income or a seven-figure income and you live in Hollywood or some highfalutin place.

It just means that you know that when there's a need, you're willing to meet the need. That's why when you read the New Testament and you read about how it is, and even the Old Testament, that one of the marks of true repentance was the ability to meet the needs of those people who had big needs. And that's why we need to understand that meeting the needs of people is not the means of salvation, it's the manifestation of salvation.

And one of the practical insights that the book of Proverbs gives us is that there is a certain man who wants to be generous to the one who is in need, versus the poor man who wants nothing to do with someone who's in need, who doesn't want to depart from any of his funds or any of his possessions because he wants to hoard them all for himself. The third thing I want you to notice is the number of friends, the number of friends. Believe it or not, you can have too many friends.

How do we know that? Well, if you've got your Bible, turn to Proverbs chapter 18. Proverbs 18, verse number 1 says, He who separates himself seeks his own desire. He quarrels against all sound wisdom.

It's not good to isolate yourself. That's why God said at the very beginning, it's not good for man to be alone, right? It's not good for man to be alone. Back in Genesis chapter 2, Solomon says, it's not good for you to isolate yourself.

You see, we were created by God to be in relationship, ultimately a relationship with God that will manifest itself in the relationships with other people. And that's why we said on Sunday that it's imperative that you understand that your best friend should be your wife or should be your husband. If your best friend is someone other than your spouse, you're going to have a bad marriage.

No matter how you cut it, your marriage is not going to be that good. Fellas, if you got a friend that you enjoy more than your wife, there's a problem. And ladies, if you've got a girlfriend that you enjoy more than your husband, you've got a problem.

Why? Because when you were alone, God gave you a helpmate. And he gave you a helpmate so that you might understand interdependence and how you might learn to work together to be one. You see, you'll never be one with your girlfriend, and you'll never be one with your boyfriend, but husband and wife will be one because that's what God says.

And so therefore, we must understand that that relationship is one we must cultivate, and that's the highest form of friendship. And if you can't be friends with your spouse, you truly can't be friends with anybody else. You need to be friends with the one that God gave you.

And it's not good to isolate yourself. It's not good for you to be alone. And then he says over in Proverbs chapter 18, verse number 24, these words, a man of many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

A man of many friends comes to ruin. You need to be careful about how many friends we have or how many friends that we think we need to have. Why? Because they become emotionally and physically a strain on our lives.

And the Bible is very clear that a man with many friends, he comes to ruin. There's going to be something that's going to hurt that man in the long run. You can only meet so many people's needs.

I mean, we can have some friends. I mean, I think that the disciples was a hallmark of understanding relationships and friendships. Christ chose twelve.

He didn't choose thirteen, didn't choose twenty, didn't choose forty, chose twelve. And of the twelve, there were three of them that He was very close with, Peter, James, and John. He was intimate with those three.

He wasn't near as intimate with the others as He was those three. Because you can't be intimate with everybody. You can't be friends with everybody.

Now, I know that everybody wants to be your friend because you're a popular guy or a popular gal, and everybody's calling you and wants to be your friend and go places with you, but you can't be friends with everybody. It doesn't mean you shun people. Just remember what the Proverbs says.

A man of many friends comes to ruin. It wears on you, and you got to be careful about that. Let me also share with you number four, the nature of friends.

Listen to what the Bible says in Proverbs 22, verse number 11. Very insightful. Proverbs 22, verse number 11, he who loves purity of heart and whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend.

Isn't that good? The nature of friends revolves around two things, sincerity of soul and sensitivity of speech. Sincerity of soul and sensitivity of speech, that is the nature of friends and friendship. A true friend is one who has no hidden agenda.

The king wants to be friends with a man who is of pure heart, who comes into his presence with a clear conscience and no hidden agendas. You ever been friends with somebody because they have another agenda? You're friends with someone because they know somebody else, and you figure if you're friends with them, you'll get in with that other person? That's not having a pure heart. And a true friend has a sincere soul, but he also has a well-seasoned speech.

He says the right things at the right times. He knows and she knows when to be quiet and when to speak. And, you know, that's the nature, that's the way we need to be, right? We need to have that sensitive speech.

We need to know what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and when you say it with a pure and loving, kind heart. Those are just some practical insights to friendship. Let's pray.

Father, thank You, Lord, for Your Word and all that's there, and pray that we would adhere to the things that have been said tonight and read through the Word, and pray that all of us would become the kind of friends that others would like to have and need to have. It's more important to be a friend to someone in need than to look for a friend to meet my need. And I pray that every one of us, Lord, would seek to be a friend of others.

And we thank You, Lord, that Jesus Christ is the friend of sinners, so much so that, Lord, You've taken us from our destination of hell and made us children of the kingdom of God. For that, we are eternally thankful. And may we become the kind of children You want us to be in the family of God.

In Jesus' name we pray, amen.