Q and A with Dr. John Aker

Okay, question number one is this, all right, John after 58 years of marriage, all right, what is the one piece of advice, the one piece of advice you would give to every married couple in the room?

Can I make this a little longer? You know, I spent nine years in the monastery and after leaving the monastery, I went to work for my dad and during that time, I met one of his workers and I became very close to this woman and about the end of the year, I became engaged to her and it was also at that time that I entered the United States Army and began my 20-year career with the Army and I reported into my unit in Washington, D.C. and while I sat there with some other agents, we had just come down as holdovers from the Army Intelligence School to this very elite unit where we were going to be covert agents.

A beautifully young girl walked by wearing a gray skirt, a white blouse and a red sweater and I was very bashful all those years in the monastery and wasn't very confident but I hit the agent next to me and I said, you know Doug, I'm going to marry that woman, which when you think about it, I was already just engaged and I hadn't as much spoken to that woman but there was just something about me that drew her to me or drew me to her and you know, I learned out over time that she actually outranked me and she's never really let me forget that but not really but you know, she did outrank me and you know, we were married because she came down on orders from Vietnam and I want to get to the question real quickly but after three years of serving as a covert agent where I would be leaving Washington D.C.

getting on a plane as John Brian Acre and getting off in the plane and I would either be James Patrick Walsh or Jonathan Blake because those were my two cover personalities and I would be going into an assignment and Rose would not know where I was or what I was about except on one assignment where we had been gone separated for just about six months and the unit sent two FBI agents to take Rose and transport her to where I was so we could spend a long weekend together. So it wasn't the kind of assignment that really built a good marriage and at that point we were pretty much practicing Catholics and that was it and after about three years of this Rose came to me, three years of marriage and said, you know, if things keep going like this we will never make it.

We just won't make it and that was sort of a wake up call but I didn't know what to do about it and about that time my mother and father had become Christians, had been saved and born again and they were concerned about passing that message along to their children and it was then that we heard about Christ in a way we had never heard it told us in the Catholic Church and we repented of our sins, confessed, embraced Jesus as Lord and that was 56 years ago so 59 years later we're together and the reason is because of Jesus Christ and I remember one of the services that Lance had here for his children and he did the threefold knot reminding them that, you know, one doesn't do very well, two, especially if you fall, two you can keep warm together in bed but a cord of three strands is not easily broken and the thing that I would say is no matter what age we are, if Christ is not at the very center and core of your relationship you will never know the joy that Jesus is in.

I'm not just saying that because I'm a preacher, I'm saying that because if it weren't for Christ we would not be together and our morning prayer typically starts with this, Father we thank you for saving us. You know, didn't use that word a whole lot but that's really important and I'd say to you tonight, are you saved? Are you really born again? We talked about followers of Christ on the way down. I don't buy that. I have Jewish patients that tell me they follow Christ. It's not enough to follow him.

You know, who would not know his teachings and not want to follow them? I remember one of our aides in Israel, one of the first ones that you went with, Moni Ravid, and he said that if the world would only follow the teachings of the Sermon on the Mount we would be a peaceful world.

That was from a Jew, you know, and so I look at this whole matter of being saved and so our prayer begins, Father thank you for saving us.

Thank you for keeping us and then thank you for keeping us together because 59 years we look back and say it was all great and honest we'll tell you there were a lot of tears and there were hard times and there were good times but to come to 59 years and we say, you know, you've got to keep Christ at the very center and core of your relationship. That's not a Sunday thing. It's got to be each and every day. You have to renew that commitment to Christ and in so doing you really renew your commitment to your spouse.

So that's a short answer to a long question. Okay, so if there were two or three fundamental principles that would help you, help us, anyone remain steadfast, enduring because times get tough in marriages, what is it that, what are a couple of principles you could give us that would allow us to maintain a, through the daily grind of every day. We get caught up in the daily grind of work and raising children and vacations and all the things that happen. What is it that helps us remain steadfast, enduring all the way to the end so we can finish strong in our marriages?

I think the first is something that I see in Lance's life and it's really helped me a great deal because Lance and Laurie are here but Lance has known a great deal of pain in his life.

He doesn't talk about it much but there was the death of his first wife and the events that followed.

Not an easy thing for a young man in ministry to come to grips with and Lance has a deep and abiding sense of the sovereignty of God. So something happens in my life, I'm tempted to go like this. I mean that's what my blood pressure would show. Something happens of a similar nature in Lance's life, it's just like this because he has that abiding conviction that God is in control of every aspect of your life. We talked about friends on our way driving down tonight, friends that, one of his and one of mine that had pancreatic cancer.

It's a killer and something like that comes into your life. You've got to have a sense, a deep sense that God has either purposed that or permitted it. There's nothing that comes into your life or mine that's an accident. They say there's no accident in the life of a child of God. There's no accident in anybody's life. God is in control. So the first thing is to remember that there's nothing that comes into your life that should take your eyes off him because he's the sovereign one.

The second thing is I think you've got to build a strong devotional life and the truth of it is I think that most Christians overlook that.

I think if I were to sit on the pastoral search committee of a church, there are so many questions that they want to throw out to a young candidate who's applying for a position as pastor. I think the question I would ask is this, tell me about your devotions this morning. I wouldn't say tell me about your morning devotions. I'd say tell me about your devotions this morning. I would want to make sure that that person is beginning the day with the word of God. Even on Sunday when I teach in the church that I attend now, I don't preach but I teach and I try to remind the people that the idea of a morning devotional time is so important that you begin that day.

Psalm 92 says, it is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to thy name oh most high. To claim the promises of thy love in the morning and thy faithfulness to those promises at night. In other words, as Rose and I start the day and pray together, we have a very set pattern of prayer. Sometimes it bothers me because I wouldn't want Rose or anyone else to think it's just a formula. We took two of our grandsons to Europe with us last week or two weeks ago and we made copies of the devotionals that we do for each and every day because we wanted to impress on them the importance of having devotions.

I was so concerned that they wouldn't think that it was a rut. As you begin to pray each day and we have a set pattern of that prayer. Sometimes I have to go back and say to Rose, who did I leave out? The prayer is so important because it becomes the net through which every thought in the day can go through. So with us it begins with reading the psalm. Today was the 143rd day of the year so we read Psalm 143 which is just a beautiful psalm and it talks about faithfulness which I'm going to speak on on Sunday.

Rose said to me, did you get the theme there this morning? I said yes, because she knows I'm going to preach Sunday on faithfulness. You know and then after we do that we go to the New Testament. So right now we just finished Galatians again. We're going through Ephesians and today we, Rose is a little off today, a little slow because of the you know the jet lag from flying. So she's just finished up of Ephesians chapter 1 and I did the first 11 verses in Ephesians chapter 2.

And then from there we read Spurgeon and some of you who have been here before know that Rose and I have offered to send any of you a copy of Spurgeon. It's such a blessed book and then we have the song of the day that sometimes we sing together when no one's around and sometimes we just read it together. But you know that morning time, it's the net through which every part of the day can go through. So I would say you know you have to have that sense that God is sovereign, that no matter what happens today God's in control.

So just before we came I got a call from our middle daughter saying dad are you on your way to church. I said we're going to leave in a few minutes. She said normally I would refrain from giving you some bad news. She said I feel I need to share this with you because I know you want to pray with Lance and Lori and mom about it. And she told me about her mother-in-law who just got word today that entire uterus is just filled with cancer and it has metastasized to her lungs. You know that's like a death certificate.

But for her, my daughter said dad she's at such peace when the nurse called to give the reports of the PET scan. She witnessed to the nurse about the fact that she was in God's hand and it's okay. It's okay. How's it okay when the doctor tells you that? Only if you have a sense that God is truly sovereign. And you know if you want God at three o'clock in the afternoon when you get that telephone call, you sure better meet him first thing in the morning.

Because if you want him in the day, meet him first in the morning. So just those two things would be enough. I'm sure you have a third.

No, no. No I don't. I'm waiting for you. No I'm okay. How is the church? You were a pastor for how many years were you a pastor? Forty plus. Okay. So how has the church played a part in your marriage and in your family? You know even before we came to Christ, church was very important to us. You know we were Catholics. We were practicing Catholics. And so we went to Mass every Sunday. We made the holy days. We went to confession regularly. As a matter of fact, on that first date, as I was coming over the South Capitol Street Bridge with Rose, one of the first questions I asked her was, are you a Catholic?

And if she had said no, that would have been the first and last date. But and Rose was raised in foster homes. And the last foster home was an Italian Catholic woman by the name of Lucy Paglione or Lucy Paglione. And Lucy was Catholic. And it was through through Lucy that Rose came into the Catholic Church. And at a point in her life even considered becoming a nun. So that the church was important. But it was the church and it wasn't Christ. And after coming to Christ, we found out that the church was the place that we could meet Christ intimately with other believers.

A church was a place that we would be safe. A church was a place where we could grow. And the church was a place where our children would soon imbibe the values that were so important to us. So I remember in the first church that we pastored after we got out of the army, Lori was just a little bit of a kid.

But they had a thing called Pioneer Girls. And it was a Norwegian church. And so on one night they had the women, the Norwegian women, came in their Norwegian garb. And they wore a thing around their neck called a solja. And Bertha Froisland leaned over at the women that night and said, you have to know this. Do you remember what she said? You have to marry the men of the church. You know, and to a little girl that made such an effort, you have to marry the men of the church. My kids were safe in church.

There were people that, you know, reinforced the ideals that we had in our home. They were exposed to great people that came to our home. I think of the gal that wrote, I love the word impossible, Ann Kimmel. I think of Christine Wurtzen and Doug Oldham of Chuck Swindoll. These were people that were in our home on a regular basis. And my kids were exposed to them. And they saw these people as the greats in their life. You know, it wasn't so much the athletes. It wasn't the people in Hollywood. But they saw people that were great in the kingdom of God, people who loved Christ.

And so the church became a very important place. And it turned around on me because at one point, we became very involved in showing our dogs. We had a kennel and raised golden retrievers, showed them all over the country. And most of the shows were Saturday and Sunday shows. And we weren't able to do Sunday shows because I was preaching on Sunday, except in the summer. And believe it or not, he even came on one of those show, what do you call them? The show circuits. He came on one of the show circuits with us.

But the kids knew that if their dog was to be shown on a Sunday morning, they had to be in church Sunday night. But preferably, they had to go to church Sunday morning. And that became an area where we were able to share our faith with other people, especially showing how our relationship with Christ was so important, that we wanted to be with the people of God, even people that we didn't know in far away places, as we traveled in our motorhome to show our dogs. So the church was that kind of place for us.

And I am thankful for the church. I'm thankful for the influence that the church has had in the lives of my kids. So in our prayer time that I shared with you earlier, when we begin our prayer, we begin praying for people in the army, who before we knew Christ, there was one Lieutenant Colonel who really became a guardian to me because of his respect for Rose, and he protected me from some pretty bad assignments. But we prayed that he's gone, but that God would bless his children and his grandchildren because of the love he showed us when we didn't even know Christ.

And we went from there to our first church was in Essex Fells, and then the church at Montville, and then our time in the military again, and then the church in Rockford, the church in Tucson, Arizona.

And we pray each morning for specific people who impacted our lives and the lives of our children. So the church is a good place, but not every church is a good place. If, you know, if this were our dress on Sunday morning, I'm going to tell you something, I would not be back. I believe that the people that are on a platform Sunday morning, and we talked about that, the way we were raised, the way our parents told us, if you're going to the king's house, dress like you're going to the king's house.

You know, if you're going to be in the king's house, behave like you're in the king's house. And so every church isn't that way, and if the man up front isn't holding the Word of God, holding it with reverence, and speaking it rightly and forthrightly, you're in the wrong place. And the same goes for the youth group. I'll say this other thing, I know it's a long answer, but what did you expect? You know, here's the thing, when we talk about the church, evidently, I don't see any high school kids here, but they're meeting tonight, right?

Yeah, so, you know, and that's, but here's the thing you have to understand, that's not the job of the church to train your kids. It's your job to train the kids. It's your job to train your grandchildren. It's your job to be involved in the lives of your great-grandchildren. It's not Lance's job to train your kids. It's not AG's job, or anyone else in the job. You know, they're not to replace what you do. They're supposed to reinforce what you do. It's your responsibility. God makes it clear. He says, here, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one, and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might, and these words which I'm commanding you today shall be in your heart, and then you shall teach them to your children when you sit in the house, when you walk by the way, when you rise up, when you lie down, you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, as frontals on your forehead, write them on the doorposts of your house, and on your gates.

You know, and so many people think it's the church's job. Oh, I'm not going to come to this church. They don't have a youth group. You know, the youth group is at home. You know, you can't expect the pastor, or the youth pastor, to do in two hours a week what you're supposed to be doing 24 hours a day, and so the church, thanks for nodding. I really appreciate that. I really do, my friend, because everyone over here is not nodding, except the ones that are falling asleep, all right, but you know, you have to know it's your job, and you can't leave it for them, and you only get one shot.

You don't get two shots at it. You get one shot, and even as I sat with with Laurie today, and I said, you know, there were times I look back, and I know I wasn't what I was supposed to be as your daddy all the time. I know there were times that you've been able to say to me, but Dad, and your sister's the same thing, and I said, and that's true, but I can tell you that since coming to Christ, I've always tried to do what God wanted me to do. You know, I will be able to stand before God and say I failed, but God knows that I tried, because my most important thing in this life is not the churches I've passed it, or the agency, the health care agency that Rose and I have now, or any of those other things.

You know, when I'm gone, Acrecast and Home Health is not going to write my obituary. The Army's not going to write my obituary. None of those great churches will write my obituary, but Rose will sit down with my daughters, and every word they write is going to validate my life, and you have to know that. You play your life to the audience of one, and then the audience to which he's given you, and that's your family, and so the best place for me has been my church, and my kids have turned it around, because now every once in a while, I'm flying someplace, and I have to fly on a Sunday.

Lori gets very upset with me. Where are you going to church? How can you be flying on Sunday? You know, I'm going to tell you something. You need to be in church every Sunday, unless you're providentially hindered, unless you're providentially hindered, and a day at the beach because your son is in town, that's not being providentially hindered. You know, you need to keep that in mind. I don't know why Catholics think it's sinful to miss worship on Sunday, and evangelicals don't. I tell you, if we're not worshiping on Sunday, there's only one word for that, because he said to do it, and if we don't do what he says to do, the only word for that is not slip-up.

It's just sin, so the church, the church has been so good to me, because Rose and I look at our girls, and their place in the church today, and the way they've been strengthened by the church.

I can't say enough about the church, and we even talked about that coming down, that there are so many different aspects of the church, and so we can start and say, we can begin to talk badly about the church. Let me tell you something, anyone that would say one word against my Rose would be walking up the wrong side of me, and I am tired of hearing people talk about the bride of Jesus Christ as though they can, because if it hurts me when people talk about my bride, how it must hurt the Lord when people speak negatively of the church for which he gave his life.

That's my answer. When you were the Slavic Gospel, and you had to travel, we have a lot of men who travel for work and that kind of stuff. How were you able to maintain your family life, knowing that you had to travel to Russia, and all those European countries, and that kind of stuff? How were you able to maintain leadership in your home, order in your home, when you were gone? How many years, were you four years with SGA, five years? How were you able to manage all that, and still maintain the ministry with SGA, and your ministry at home with Rose and the girls?

You know, the truth of it is, I probably failed in that area, if I think about it honestly, because you can't father long distance. It just doesn't work, and this bit about it's not quantity, it's quality. It takes quantity to build quality. You know, you have to be with them. So while I was gone, my youngest daughter in high school majored in social life. That was her thing. You know, she was really a social butterfly. Good girl, you know, wife of a pastor these days, and I delight in the relationship she has with Christ, and the way she's growing.

I delight in the relationship she has with her oldest sister, Lori, who really is sort of a second mother to the girls, in the way she guides them.

But I was gone an awful lot. It wasn't the day when cell phones were, I could easily call back to the States. There was a point, especially when I was in our German office, where I was able to call back each day. So I tried to stay in touch with Rose and the kids as much as I can, and when I came back, I tried very much to let them know that I thought with them while I was away, and then I spent quality time with them there. I would stay home for a while. I have to be honest with you, it wasn't a good situation, and I wouldn't recommend it.

I don't recommend being away from the family, and I have often said that I don't ever regret. I never regret the time that I spent with my kids. I have no regrets. Showing dogs all over the country and outside the country, RVing, any of the things we did, I have no regrets about the things I did with them. But I have a lot of regrets about the time I wasn't with them, and you can't make up for it. Many times, Lori makes it clear that she's overlooked. There was a period where Lori could let me know that I did drop the ball on her, that I wasn't all that I should have been, and it used to hurt me to hear that, and now she's a little bit older and maybe a little more forgiving.

She'll allow me to, she will tell me that I did a good job and that I tried and so forth, but I know that I failed them by being away that much, and the same thing is true, not just when I was traveling with Slavic. The Army was another thing. I had no control over that. The wife understood it, and the children understood it, but when I was in the Army, this little girl up here, the mother of eight, when she was 10 years old, was flat out on her belly, and Pelham Rage, come up here for a minute. No, come on, up here for a minute.

Just for one minute. You know, they're not, you're not showing any obedience to your daddy in front of these people. You should see the look she's giving me. If she were younger, I'd want to smack her, you know. What were you doing on Pelham Rage, stretched out on your belly? Firing an automatic weapon. What kind of weapon? An M60 machine gun. Little Lori was firing an M60 machine gun on Pelham Rage, so even in the Army, whenever I could, I would make sure that I would take them, and I would come home at the end of the day on my motorcycle, and Lori would be at the door with her little white helmet saying, let's go, dad, let's go, and we would go for a ride.

So, you know, you can go sit down now, but I just want to, it's hard to think that you shot an M60 machine gun, and she sat there, just, you know, the thing goes like this, you know, and so there was, there was the time that, the military was a little different, but ministry, let me tell you something, ministry is tough, and if I could say anything, I have a son-in-law that just took a large church, in Florida, and I have to be honest with you, you know, he's got to set his priorities right.

He can't allow that church to control his schedule. He has four children, and needs to be investing in them, and they are more important than the ministry of that church, because when he stands before God, God's going to ask him, what have you done with my son? Now, what have you done with your sons and daughters? Before he ever gets down to the church thing, and I think that we're responsible to our family, and, you know, it doesn't matter. A man can say, well, it's the business. I have to get ahead.

I have to, you know, God will take care of you. It's time to put your faith on the line, and decide whether or not you're going to let God be in control, and trust him to do the right thing, and the right thing is to order your priorities, and it's Christ, and it's family, and let me tell you this, it's Christ, family, and then your church obligations.

You shouldn't be neglecting your family, you know, to be doing things at the church. Try to involve your family in them, but don't put anything before your family. Don't put anything before Christ. Christ first, and then your family.

You may have to correct some of this next week, but that's all right. No problem. John, what would Rose say is your greatest strength as a husband, and then what would she say is your greatest strength as a father? Maybe I should ask Rose. Yeah, I don't know what she would say. My greatest strength as a husband? And as a father. And as a father. I really don't know. I'd want to believe that one of the things she would say is that I have been her protector, because I wanted to do that. I met her as a young woman that had known a childhood so completely unlike mine, and went from foster home to foster home.

I wanted to protect her. I wanted to love her, but there were times that I didn't always love her the way I should. There were times when, to be truthful, the military was my mistress. There were times when the ministry became my mistress, and they robbed me, or I robbed her, of time that I gave to them that I should have given to her. So I'd like to think that she thinks that I'm her protector, and I think with our children, I don't know. I think she might say that I was honest. Honest in my failures, and honest in my attempts.

I don't know. But what would Laurie say is Lance's greatest strength as a husband? This is not your show, dude. I'm the one asking the questions here. That one's not on my list. I'm just wondering, because from your wife's perspective, we can answer for our wives, but ultimately our wives have their own perspective of us. I think so many times we have, not that you do or I do, but sometimes we have the wrong perspective of our value or how our wives see us, and how they really see us, in terms of our leadership at home, as husbands, as fathers.

Because we have a whole bunch of men here who are married, men who want to get married, and yet their greatest responsibility is to be able to lead at home, and lead their wives, and to lead their children, and to be the men God wants them to be. And yet we all fail in many areas, and there's a lot of things that we need to improve on and get better at. But I was just wondering, because you don't know what I'm going to ask you, but I just thought it'd be good for you to say, from my perspective, I believe Rose would look at me this way.

Well, if you weren't there in the front row, as she is right now, I'd probably say, well, Rose thinks I'm just so kind and loving, ever-thoughtful. I would say that Rose thinks I've tried, and that I was honest in admitting my failures. That's it. Marriage is something, in 59 years, there's still upsets. I mean, living with her sometimes can be tough, you know what I mean? No. I mean, there can be upsets at 59 years. And we learn every day, I learn every day, that I could do things differently, that I do fail.

And I don't take that for granted. It hurts sometimes. But I'm thankful for her forgiveness in that. I'm thankful for the forgiveness of my daughters, you know, over the years. As they've gotten older, I think they look at things a little differently.

What is the one, you know, the one quality that Rose has that has benefited you the most throughout these 59 years? The one quality that sets her apart, that has made you a better man, that has been instrumental in your own growth? That one quality that's irreplaceable. You used the word earlier, steadfast. And I think the one quality in Rose is that she is steadfast. Steadfast, and I'm glad you're nodding, Laurie, you know, steadfast in her love to Christ. And her, listen, you know, when people meet me, especially in other situations where I'm talking, or because of my military career, or some of the things I've done, they always figure that my wife is this girl that's got to be five foot eight and big and athletic, you know, kind of, and then they meet sweet, gentle, docile little Rose, and they wonder how she could put up with me all these years.

Well, the reality is she's a woman of iron, you know, but she's been steadfast in her relation to Christ, and in her relationship with me, and with the children. You know, Sunday, the pastor's secretary met me in the hall, I was just coming from teaching my class, and she stopped me and said, Rose taught so beautifully today. She said, do you know why she teaches so well? And I said, why? She said, because her love for Jesus is so real. I'm telling you this, and I want you to know it. God knew what I needed, because Rose was the one that kept me straight at the beginning, and Rose is the one that keeps me straight even now.

Her devotion to Christ is something that inspires me. I should be the one inspiring her. You know, I have some friends, there's a group of us called the ER Club, and we've been together for 50 plus years, since seminary. And, you know, they're great guys, and we all admit this one thing, that after leaving the pastoral ministry, finding a good church has been really difficult. And I have said to one of them, after looking for a church that really preached the word, a church that had a sense of reverence, I am so sick of seeing Starbucks cups in church.

I am so sick of seeing pastors in the middle of the sermon, taking a swallow of, did you leave your water down there? Taking a swallow of their water. It really bothers me to see that happen. You know, the sense of all of this gone wrong. And so I have said to one of my closest buddies, that I've known, been in close contact with almost daily since 1969, I said, if it weren't for Rose, and I said this just a few years ago, if it weren't for Rose, I question whether I'd really be going to church now.

Because I found church. You know, there wasn't that sense of reverence. There wasn't a proclamation of God's word. And we looked all over southern Florida for a church that would really do that. So her steadfastness, you know, and also even a little thing, that sometimes drives me crazy, when we can be watching TV at night, and something comes on the TV that's not perfect. And I get this look from Rose, you know, as if I'm responsible. And I am. I'm responsible to grab the remote and change the channel.

You know, I need that. God knows that I needed someone to keep me on track. And thought, word, and deed. So I think the one thing about Rose that, and I would say this to any woman, you know, Rose doesn't preach to me, except maybe with her eyes. Sometimes she lets me know with her eyes exactly what she wants. But, you know, the role of a wife. You know, God uses you in a powerful way. You know, scripture says that, you know, that what a woman can do without a word, without a sermon, and the word in Greek can mean a sermon, without preaching a sermon, just her quiet and gentle ways.

And it's Rose's quiet and gentle ways that has touched my life and keeps me on track. From the very beginning, the night we accepted Christ, to hear the gospel and the way it was being presented, you know, about, you know, accepting Christ. And all those years in the monastery, I was studying to be what the Catholics called an alter Christus, another Christ. And this woman is telling me to accept Christ. I didn't know where it was, and it was so foreign. And I said this, I said, God, if this is what you want from me, you have got to show me through Rose.

And I looked over, and I just saw these tears flowing down from her eyes on her cheeks. And I knew that in her heart, she had already begun that relationship with Christ. March 30, 1968, she has been an, and I'm not just saying this, and I don't want to hold her up and have anyone feel bad, but Rose has been an inspiration. God knew what I needed, because I'm the weak one, and there's something very strong about this little gal that he put in my life, you know, who's been such a blessing to me, steadfast.

My heart is steadfast, oh Lord. Yes, my heart is steadfast, David cries out. I think that's a word that describes Rose. What do you think? You have the best mother-in-law in the world, don't you think? I do, man. She sold me on Lori, so, you know, I was squared away from the very beginning. Remember the first meal I had at your house?

Chicken, the chicken cutlets with the cucumbers and the Italian salad dressing, and the noodles, the butter. That was at our house? That was your house. You know, let me tell you something.

No, no, John, no, it was good, because you were so mean to me, and she was so sweet to me. He was the pastor at the King's College, and he invited me to come do a deeper life there, and I got to know him, and then I really wanted him to come work with me until I found out that he wanted to date my daughter. And I'm saying, this is nuts. I told him two things. I said, one, you're never going to work for me, and number two, you're never going to date my daughter.

So I told them to cool it, and they were very good about it. And then about December of that year, he called and said, I'd really like permission to start dating Lori. I said, that's not going to happen, but thanks for calling. And then after the new year, he called, and it was the same thing, and I had been vice president of a college and seminary, and I knew how we felt about faculty and staff dating students, and he's the college pastor, and she's a young student on her way to medical school, and he wanted to date her.

And so I said to Lance, well, ask Dr. Redond, who was the president of the King's College, I said, ask Dr. Redond if you can date her. And he said, I already did, and he said yes. And I actually said, if Dr. Redond says yes, I'll say yes. So I had put my foot in my mouth. And then I think it was the Sunday after Resurrection Sunday, we met in Nyack, New York at the Red Lobster, and I'm still not committed to this guy. I mean, after 10 years of marriage, I still wasn't committed. No, that's not true, but anyway, so we're at lunch at the Red Lobster Inn in Nyack, New York, and I prayed, and the burden on my heart was, God, please let Lori know what is your will for their life.

And I no sooner said amen that I saw him take his arm and put it around my baby girl and pull her close. I wanted to smack him. And he pulled her real close, and he's got her there, and he said, speaking of God's will, Lori and I are convinced that it's God's will that we marry. I almost choked. And then I had to pay for that meal. And that was in the spring. It was right around Resurrection Sunday, so August 7th, August 9th, could have been the 11th too, but anyway, August 9th, they were married.

And so let me tell you a little bit about your pastor, right? So my daughter has said, you know, I would talk to her sisters about this great marriage that they have, and Lori said, you know, that first year was pretty rough.

I said, really? So a few years later, I mentioned that to her. She said, no, Dad, it was the first seven years were really tough.

She said the first seven years were tough. And I alluded to that again a few years later, and she said, and just recently, she said, Dad, those first 10 years were really tough.

So now, Lori, just for the record, am I telling the truth? Yep. So. Yeah, but the last few years were great. Okay, so if you could change one thing in your marriage about you and your marriage, what would you do? What would you change? You know, one of the nicknames the kids had for me over the years, they called me the bear, or they called me the general because of the military. And I think I may have, I think I was demanding. I never really spoke unless I thought I was right, which meant I always thought I was right.

And, you know, I think I expected the family to fall in line on that. And I think if there were one thing that I could pray for my life even now is that spirit of gentleness. You know, in the Gospel of John, Jesus gives us seven, I'm sorry, eight great I am statements and another nine that are a little lesser. But it's only in Matthew 11 that he gives a true self portrait. He says, learn of me, for I am gentle and lowly of heart. And if I could ask God to do one thing for the next many days, months, or years, whatever God gives us, I would ask him, in relationship to my wife and my children, to make me gentle and lowly of heart.

Lowly of heart meaning humble. And I guess those are the two things I need most in terms of my family, that I be gentle and lowly of heart. So... If you could challenge the men of our church with one thing that would be most beneficial to their marriage, that they could go home tonight and begin to work on, what would that be? The men of the church. The men of the church. I guess the one thing is if we could learn what it really means to be the servant leader. Most of us as men have some idea what it means to lead.

But maybe not what it means to be the servant leader. So Jesus, after supper, laid aside his garments, took a towel, girdled himself about, filled a basin with water, began to wash the feet of his disciples and to dry them with the towel with which he himself was girded. And later he said, if I be the teacher, wash your feet, so also should you wash the feet of one another. And I think of his men, if we could learn to really do that. You know, I see men in our healthcare agency taking care of their wives, doing things that they had 30, 40 years to do and didn't do.

But now with the end in sight, they do it. And I think, you know, if right now, whether you're someone that's dating, whether you're someone that's new in your marriage, or you're someone that's just married 30, 40, 50 years, that if you would truly seek to be a servant to your wife, you know, it bothers me that we can be getting ready for devotions in the morning and she'll say to me, would you like coffee? But I remember there was a time earlier on where I was the one that got the coffee and put hot chocolate beside the beds of my kids in the morning.

I haven't done that in a long time. You know, but to be a servant, because Rose serves me so much, you know, before I can even think of something, she's doing it for me. You know, it's like for, with some of the medical challenges I've had, for the way Rose has taken care of me. Just been so special. And she does it so freely and lovingly and nothing is too lowly. And, you know, I'd like to think that, you know, boy, I hope you don't ask for a tape of this thing tonight, Rose. I don't know how I'm going to get through all this.

But I need, I really need to be more of a servant. And I would challenge the men to serve them. You know, Jesus gave us that example, you know. And I don't think there's anything better than a picture of a man serving his wife. So. You have three children and you have several grandchildren and great-grandchildren. How old are you? No, never mind. The fact of the matter is, is that, how would you counsel your adult children through decisions and difficulties that they encounter? You know, as parents, we have children, they grow up, they have their children, they come to us, they ask us for advice, they ask us for counsel.

Or sometimes they don't even do that. How would you counsel, direct, guide your children through decisions that they have to make, difficult or not, as their father, yet you don't want to overstep your bounds, but you want to be able to give them wise counsel? How would you best go about doing that? You know, I, I wish you would give me these questions at a time. I try to think of what I do even now.

And I think that, I want my children to understand the sovereignty of God. And I've learned more about that through Lance than anyone else. I mean, he's taught me those passages. I know those passages. I share them with other people. But it comes down to each and every day to believe that God is fully in control of our lives, that nothing comes. Because we're at the place where, you know, look at all the babies that are born and they're all healthy.

You know, these great, 16 of them. And then the seven outlaws that came into the family, you know, and then the almost 20 great grandbabies, you know, and they're all healthy. And what happens if something comes along? You have to, I want my children to understand the sovereignty of God. And then after that, I want them to believe that there's no situation that comes into their life that with God's help they can't master. And that means that every, every situation needs to be countered with the word of God and with prayer.

There's nothing that comes to our life that cannot be addressed by the word of God. And sometimes we just have to wait. Sometimes we have to pray and wait. And we don't always get answers today. Sometimes when our Lori was sick and the doctors, you know, came up to the hospital. This was in Illinois. She'd been treated in New York for three weeks. And then in Chicago three weeks at Mundelein Hospital. And Dr. Leon Robbins walked up the stairs and he said, Lieutenant, I don't think you understand how sick your daughter is.

She could take her life. And if I could take that picture, you know, if that were a Polaroid right then, I would destroy that picture. But you know, life isn't a series of snapshots. It's a video. And something like that, we don't understand until 20 or 30 frames down the line. And suddenly we understand why God allowed that to happen. So I want my children to understand they have to wait on God for every situation. They have to understand by turning to the word, and there's no way that you can address the word.

I don't mean randomly just opening the book. And I'm not saying God doesn't speak that way. But in your study each and every day, God will give you what you need for that day. I want my kids to understand that in the decisions in life, you go to the word of God and then you pray and wait. And I'm not good at waiting. I'm not that good at waiting. I'm a man of the now.

I just wait. And for me it's a little longer because he knows I need to learn how to wait. So I would say to my kids, you've got to trust the sovereignty of God and you've got to get in the word and you have to pray. And that's where your strength shall be. And quietness shall be your strength. What question would you want me to ask that I haven't asked that you think would be beneficial for everyone to hear? What do you do when a guy like Lance comes and tells you he wants to marry your daughter?

So that night, before we wound up in the restaurant and after I had to give him the permission, I always drove nice cars. Still do. Sort of a weakness. And I used to meet people and I would set the keys to my car very prominently in the picture and I would push them there. And the kids knew that I had to meet whoever wanted to date them. And Laurie would call and say, so-and-so is going to call you, please tell him no. So I sort of became the buffer. But she really wanted me to meet this guy. So I gave him my talk.

I said, you know, now that I've met you, I said, I would gladly drive my car. You could take my car. Something happens to my car, I just go down to the bank, get another loan, buy a new car. I said, but when it comes to my Laurie, if something happens to my Laurie, I'm going to break your legs. To which Laurie said, don't worry, Lance, I can push a wheelchair. Did you say that? So, no, what question would I really ask? I would just ask you to ask yourselves this question. You know, what am I doing now that I need to rethink in terms of my children?

Because we really only get one chance. But that chance is as long as we live. You know, there's no road that you can't go back down and say, I'm sorry, please forgive me. As a matter of fact, someone once said, the 10 best words is, I love you, I was wrong, I'm sorry, forgive me. You know, and sometimes a kid needs to hear that from his parent. And sometimes parents, as they go back and say to a child, I'm wrong. Sometimes the children need to go to the parents. And by children, some of you, regardless if you read your children and your parents are still alive, maybe you need to go and tell them, you know, I just really appreciate you.

Maybe you weren't perfect, but now I look at it with different eyes, and I really love you, Daddy, and I thank you for all the times you said no.

I love you, Mom, for all the times you held me close and I cried. Those kind of things are important. And as you set the example, your kids will do the same. But our greatest treasures in life, when we get to that prayer in the morning, we typically say, and Father, for our greatest blessings, are Laurie, Natalie, and Jenna, for Lance, Trent, and Matthew. We give you thanks. And then we begin to pray for Alan, Femma, Gracelyn, and for Braxton, for Drew, Teresa, Verity, Grace, Eden, Joy, Eliza, Faith, Lydia, Hope, and Bethany, Love.

And we go through, and to go through them, it's such a joy to pray for them. You know, those are the riches in life. The person that you love, the person that's closest to you. And sometimes we have to reach out and dare to say, I'm sorry, forgive me. And I do love you. I don't know if that answers it. Yeah, that's good. But if your adult children, okay, were to make a sinful choice, what would you do as a father to guide them and direct them properly? Well, I know I've made enough sinful choices of my own.

And I have a lot of scars in that regard. There are things that I did as an intelligence agent that I've only shared with my father and with my Heavenly Father. And I regret those. But I would want to remind my children that there's no choice we make that we cannot correct. We may not be able to change the consequences, but we can change. We can change ourselves, and we can change how those consequences impact other people. So I would encourage, you know, I would want my child to know that I identify with them in a failed decision.

That I'm not there as a judge, but I'm there as one who's made that route, been down that road, and that the answer I found was just seeking God's strength in the moment and asking them to turn to God and turn it over to Him and then really be responsive to what the Spirit... You know, we have to learn to listen.

You know, God really does speak, not in audible ways, but there are those movements of the Spirit within us if we wait, and we have to sometimes wait. And, you know, our children will make bad decisions. You know, and sometimes they're not sinful decisions. Sometimes, you know, I have a daughter right now in ministry, and I think she's wearing herself out in ministry. You know, and that's not a sinful decision, unless she really begins to neglect her children. And I ache because of that. And I have to be careful because, you know, she's heard me share my thoughts, and she's the daddy you told me.

And I want her to know I ache with her because I don't want her to make a decision that will impact her children negatively by pouring into ministry. You have to be careful. So I want her to know I've been there. I made those decisions. I spent time in ministry when I owed it to my family. So I want to walk that road with them. I want to let them know that I am a failed person, that I'm not perfect, and that I have found that Jesus helped me through those times, and I want to turn them to him. How would you help all of us make our house a true godly home?

You know, I think that passage in Deuteronomy 6, verses 4 to 9, where God says to Israel, Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one.

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and might. So I live in a Jewish community in southern Florida. I see the Orthodox Jews every Saturday. And I have to tell you, sometimes they could put us to shame. I know it's a form, but I see them as families going to and from shul on Saturday morning. I see the way they're dressed. I see the time that they spend together. And I see that their faith is conspicuous. And we need to make our faith conspicuous, not by wearing a big gold cross, not things of that nature, but by living as Christ would have us to live.

You know, to really live it in such a way that our faith is on display. So a guy like Harrison Butger makes the statement he makes, and the whole world stands against him, and I think God, that Christ himself, is standing as he stood for Stephen saying, I'm proud of you, Harrison. Proud of what you said for truth. You know, we have to live as people of truth. You know, and I'll talk a little bit more about that on Sunday, but it's so important that, you know, we set up our families so that we, that our, you know, you walk into, let me tell you something.

Lance and Laurie are not perfect. I've learned an awful lot from them. But if you walk into their home, you know, you will see, you'll see two things and you'll hear a third.

What you will see is that family is very important to them. Every room rings with the emphasis on family. Every room rings with the emphasis on faith. It's all there. Scripture on the walls, written on the walls. It's all there, and I've taken some and written in some of the walls in our home. You know, so faith and family is there. And if you stay long enough, you'll hear the fun that comes. They have a lot of fun as family. As a matter of fact, that's the only place that I can go, and the Army has determined after my assignment with the combat unit that I have 50, 80% hearing loss.

I have 80% hearing loss. When I take out my hearing aids, I hear nothing. And sometimes with them, I hear nothing. But when you go, the Sparks home is the only home that I ever have to go that I don't have hearing aids. I can take them out because it's loud. Everything about the Sparks family is loud. If you've ever spoken to AJ, he's loud. If you've ever talked to Lance, he's loud. And so you go in that family, go in that home, and family, faith, and fun is all over the place. It's a nice place.

They're not perfect. I want you to know that. They're not. I'll let it go there. I don't want to say anything about God's anointed. But I don't want you to sit there. They're not perfect. But I'm married 59 years, and I see the way Lance treats my daughter. And he can tell you, I have thanked him almost every time for the way he cares for my daughter. He loves her. And because he loves her, the kids love her. So on Mother's Day, they honor her like a queen. But he said to me, but she has enabled me to do ministry the way God has called me to do it.

So it feeds. Please don't, he's not in the bloodline anyway. He's an outlaw. She's my daughter. If anyone in that family is perfect, it's her. But it's not him. But they're not a perfect family. But the things that are there, if you can, your house should say what's important to you. Really. You go to some homes in southern Florida, and everything's about the Dolphins. They're a football team down there. They're about the Dolphins and their houses. But people ought to be able to walk in our home and know that Jesus Christ is Lord.

You come into my study, and there's a Cherokee arrow and quiver on the wall. And underneath it, written on the wall, it says, children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. I bring my Jewish friends in there. I want them to look. Sure, there's a lot of military awards and all that. But they look at that quiver, and I'm able to tell them, you know, King David, you know what he said about that?

And I want them to know my family's important. And that scripture on the wall says, God's word is important to me. Your family should sing out the things that are important to you. Really should. Whatever that means for you. Let people know what your passion in life is. You know, mine is my family. And that's the truth. And somehow, bring them up, raising them to be the warriors that God calls them to be. That's it. I think we should let these people go. Look at the time.

We have three minutes. What are you talking about? No, it's good. And I just appreciate you coming, John, and sharing some things with us because they hear from you all the time. And, you know, I have my perspective. And, you know, I try to share them within the scriptures, but I think sometimes to hear another voice, I know that you and I are a lot alike in many areas and in many ways. And yet, we're just not related. We're actually friends. It's hard to believe. But we are friends, you know. We are.

And, you know, some families don't have that with their in-laws. And we've been blessed that way immensely. And we're grateful. I love Lance, and that's the truth. That has not always been the case. I can remember one Christmas when Laurie and Lance were with us. It was not a good scene. I was just having a hard time with this outlaw that took away my daughter. But I've really grown to love him. And even on the way here, I told him that when I get back, I have to write a letter to my pastor and tell him that I'm happy.

This is the way I want my funeral service to be. And I may have told you this, but years ago, I said, Lance, I really would like you to speak at my funeral. Do you know what he said? I've already written a sermon. He said that. You know, I mean, that's really a comforting thought, right? But we are friends. But that has to do with Christ. Nothing thrills me more than when he calls and says, hey, what do you think about this thought? And so, I'm really good with the words. He's given me that gift.

But many times, I have to call him and say, help me through this theological point, because I'm saying this in truth to you. I hear a lot of people preach. Chuck Swindoll wrote the introduction of my first book.

John Ashcroft, the former governor of Missouri and senator from that great state, wrote the introduction of my second book.

But I've had the privilege of being able to write. But when it comes to biblical scholar, biblical scholarship, I turn to Lance. Ask him simple questions. I talked to him today because I'm having a discussion with my pastor about the gift of prophecy and the gift of teaching. And so, Lance says, well, let me tell you how you think about wisdom, knowledge, exhortation, exhortation, prophecy, and teaching.

And he took those five and went through them so quickly for me. You know, it's a great gift. But I cherish the friendship. What I love most is the way he takes care of my baby. The way he's raised his kids, you know. I'm sure somewhere in this building tonight are a lot of the Sparks kids, someplace. You know, because that's the way they've been raised. And for Lance, his father became a Christian while in the Air Force and his mother, you know. Boy, they were strong. Many of you know them. Strong, strong people.

Sometimes too strong for me, you know. But they were strong people, good Christian people. But let me pray with you before you go, all right?

Father, thank you for tonight. Thank you for John and thank you for Rose. Thank you for the influence that they have been in my life and Lori's life and their other children's lives and their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Thank you that you can come and preach here on Sunday and be able to share the word of God with us. And thank you, Lord, for the people of this church who love you, who want to serve you and honor you. Thank you for their coming tonight, taking time from their schedules to be here.

Thank you for what you've taught them. Thank you for how they've grown. Thank you, Lord, for the husbands, the wives, parents, the grandparents who want to raise their children in the ways of the Lord. And pray, Father, that that would always be a huge burden upon our hearts, a burden that we carry strong and well because, Lord, we want to raise a godly seed that impacts the next generation for the gospel. So, Lord, as we leave this night, give us safety as we go home. Help us to be a testimony for your kingdom.

Bring us back again this Lord's Day. We pray in Jesus' name, amen.