God's Wisdom for Wives

So good to have you with us this evening. We talk about God's wisdom for wives. Last week we talked about the husbands. This evening we're going to talk about the wives. And in doing this, I just want to let you know a couple of things. And that is this. When you come to seed me, you need to make sure that you really want to hear what God has for you tonight. That's important, all right? Because some of you might sit out there and think, well, you know, you're just a man. and what can you tell us about what God wants for women?

Well, because what God says in his word is important for us to understand, right? And what God says in his word tells us what he wants for husbands as well as wives, for men as well as women, for parents as well as children.

And so when we examine the word of God, we're able to come to grips with the reality of all that God has for us. And so we're able to see what God's word says. And so I would ask that if you are of the female persuasion this evening, that you would ask God to really open your heart and make you receptive to what he has for you. And if you're of the male persuasion this evening, that you too would realize your responsibility to nurture your wife, as she learns these things alongside of you as you grow together in your walk with the Lord Jesus Christ.

I want to give you eight principles this evening to help you understand what God would like to have in your marriage from the wife's perspective. what he wants to see happen with the women in your home. For that, tell me of Genesis chapter 2. We'll begin there. That's always a good place to begin, the book of beginnings. Genesis chapter 2, verses 18 to 20. The Bible says, then the Lord God said it is not good for a man to be alone.

I will make him a helper, suitable for him. And out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky and brought them to the man to see. see what he would call them and whatever the man called the living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, to the birds of the sky, to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found a helper suitable for him. God's wisdom for wives begins with understanding that God wants you as a woman to be an honorable helpmate.

That's number one. An honorable helpmate. God understands that man needs a helpmate, a suitable helper, one specifically fashioned and designed for him. And so what God has done in herity past is designed that woman for you, to give her to you, to be a suitable helper in your marriage. So important. Biblically speaking, a woman cannot really understand what it means to be a wife until she appreciates the fact that God designed her, first of all, to be a suitable helper.

That's important for us to grasp. It involves several things. Number one, it involves friendship. A suitable helper. Your wife should be your best friend. Your husband should be your. best friend. I'm astonished about how many marriages there are where the husband's best friend is not his wife and the wife's best friend is not her husband. I don't understand that, but a lot of times that takes place. But if you're going to be honorable help me, you need to understand that your best friend is your husband and vice versa.

And you need to cultivate that relationship. You need to cultivate that friendship. You've got to ask yourself, is this man, the person I want to be with, with more than anybody else. If not, you need to work on cultivating that relationship. Because God made you the suitable helper for him for a specific purpose. To come alongside him and do for him what nobody else can. So from the female perspective, you can do for your husband what no other individual can because God made you the suitable helper.

Tonight when you go home, if you're a woman, ask yourself, am I a suitable helper for my husband? Am I the one that praise for him? That, first of all, honors my God, then seeks to esteem my husband, then seeks to love him as only I can love him, to pray for him, to minister to him, to accept him for who he is, to make sure that I thirst after him and endure with him.

Point number two. you need to be a submissive servant God's wisdom for wives number one an honorable helpmate number two a submissive servant you can be an unsubmissive servant because submission is an attitude not necessarily an act we think of submission as doing something listen you can do a lot of things and have a bad attitude that's not submission submission is having the attitude that wants to honor Christ and glorify his name the text is Ephesians chapter 5 first number 22 first number 21 first says and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ be subject to one another in the fear of Christ and then it says wives to your own husbands the word be subject is in italics that's not in the original so you must understand that.

Wives to your own husbands. It goes on to say husbands, you too are to be submissive to your lives. And the ultimate act of submission, of course, is to lay your life down for somebody else, and husbands are to give their lives as Christ gave himself for the church. But the Bible says that wives, likewise, are to be submissive to their husbands as to the Lord.

See, your submission to your husband is not primarily to him. It's primarily to your God. You're wanting to obey your God. You're wanting to honor him. And so you submit with a servant-like spirit. Now, please understand this, that servanthood is part of your identity. A lot of us miss that. You see, we forget that when Jesus Christ came, he took upon himself the form of a servant, right? And so Philippians 2, 511, speaks about the fact that Jesus Christ himself is that ultimate. servant. And then Christ before his death would instruct in March at the 10 verses 42 to 45 that he came not to be served but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many.

So in the incarnation of Christ you see servanthood. In the instruction of Christ you see servanthood. You must understand that in the impartation of Christ into your life, you now become a servant because you take on his identity. Because the Spirit of God dwells within you, and you are partakers of the divine nature, you by nature as a Christian now become a servant. Not to your husband, but to those run about you. And we are to be a submissive servant. That requires that I learn to follow my husband's lead.

Now, for some of you, that's very difficult, because your husband's not a very good leader. And so you begin to ask all kinds of questions about how can I follow a man who, for all practical purposes, is a loser. That's inept. That can't lead. Well, you see, that's why God made you the suitable helper, see. And so if you understand what it means to be an honorable helpmate to him, then you can learn to submit with a servant-like spirit to his leadership as you learn to follow the decisions that he makes.

It's important to understand that a woman is never to submit to her husband if he asks her to disobey the divine law of God. So as a woman, you never disobey the law of God to submit to your husband because you submit to your husband as unto the Lord. You submit to Christ, in Ephesians 521, toward one to one another, in the fear of Christ. So your submission primarily is to your God. Secondarily, it's to your husband. So if your husband asks you to disobey God, if your husband says, listen, the Laker game's on tonight.

So we're going to stay home from church tonight. What do you do? See? Say, well, honey, I'm going to church. I'm going to do that because God doesn't. want me to take this to send me of myself together as some do and he was 10 24 25 so I'm going to obey the word of God I'm going to church you can stay and watch the laker game and I'll get you last week's tape for the pastor so you can listen to that because you missed the game last week because the Lakers game too and then what I'll do but I'm going to do and I'm going to be obedient to the Lord and do what God's asking me to do see that's important right you see sometimes we think we got to obey our husbands no matter what he says listen if your husband ask you to disobey the word of God you don't have to obey that because you obey in the fear of Christ.

Point number three, you need to be a loyal lover. God's wisdom for wives. Number one, an honorable helpmate.

Number two, a submissive servant. Number three, a loyal lover. Titus chapter two, verse number four, says this. We'll begin with verse number three.

older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored. Older women are to teach younger women how they are to respond in the family because God's word is at stake. We don't don't want God's word and God's name to be dishonored.

And so older women teach younger women, number one, to love their husbands. Love their husbands. The older significant. Then say love your children and love your husbands. It says, love your husbands, and then it says, love your children. A lot of women love their children more than love their husbands. That's a bad thing. It's a bad thing. It's going to get you a lot to trouble. You think your husband doesn't know that? You think your husband doesn't pick up on that? He sees you showing affection to your children, giving time to your children, reaching out to your children, but not to him.

Love your husbands. So important. Loving God allows you to love your husband. You see, if you don't love your husbands, it's not because you got the wrong husband. If you don't love your husband, it's not because he's just a bad guy. If you don't love your husband, it has nothing to do with your husband. It has everything to do with you and your relationship with God. Because you see, if you love God as you need to love Him and give yourself to God as you need to give yourself to Him, then you understand that you can give yourself away and love your husband.

Because once you understand the love of God, then you can begin to understand what it means to love your husband. So important. But without that relationship with my God, I can't be a loyal lover. I can't be a committed lover. I can't give myself to my husband. If I haven't given myself to God, I'm not going to give myself to my husband. But if I give myself to God, then I can give myself over to him and do for him what God has. asked me to do and what God requires me to do as a wife. Love God, love your husband, love your children.

Number four, be a humble homemaker. A humble homemaker, Titus chapter 2, verse number 5, same book, fifth verse, says this, that older women are to teach younger women to be workers at home. And that phrase is made up of two words. Oikos, which is house, and ergon which is work. To be a household worker, to be a homemaker. Now, that word argon is very significant. Because that word is used over in John chapter 4, verse number 34, when Christ says, my food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his, same word, work.

Our Lord Jesus had a mission in life, and that mission was to do what God said, to fulfill that mission, to be consumed with the mission of being all that God wants them to be, and doing exactly what God said. And I'm afraid that in today's day and age, to be a humble homemaker is taboo in our society. We have to be out doing all kinds of things. But yet the Bible is very clear because the Bible says that your home is your most important responsibility, not the least of your responsibilities.

And so the bulk of your time must be where your priority is, not the most of your responsibility. the least amount of your time. And so women need to understand that as they become homemakers, what they are doing is sitting in an environment that their husband loves to come home to. That's important, isn't it? Some men don't like to go home. That's what they walk as late as they do. And do something else on the way home. If they go to work, then they go to the gym on the way home. And then they eventually get home.

And then there's no time they go right to bed so they can get up early and go back to work again. You see, you want your husband to want to come home. Skip the gym thing. Come home. Exercise with you. Be with you. Because in that environment, you have provided a framework that is conducive for love. That is conducive for him. And so the Bible says that the primary responsibility of the wife is to be a homemaker.

The Bible does not say that the place or that the woman's place is in the home. The Bible says the woman's priority is in the home.

That's important. Because you see, I know a lot of women who are home all day, but they're not home all day. You know what I'm saying? They're there, but they're not there. They're there physically, but they're not there mentally. Okay? They're there in person because you can see them, but in reality they're not there. And your husband knows that. So you've got to ask yourself the question, is my home, the kind of home, my husband loves to be in? Is it his haven? Is it his refuge? Is it a place that he can get away?

Is it a place that he feels security in? Him, I have done everything in my home to make it exactly as he'd like it to be. You can do that. Because you're the homemaker. The Bible says, fifthly, you need to be an excellent example.

An excellent example. God's wisdom for lives is that you be an excellent example. text 1 Peter chapter 3 verses 1 and 2 it says this in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands so Peter is speaking about the submission in relationships whether it's in the workplace or in the home and because Peter is speaking to people who are suffering abuse and he is speaking to people who are having relationships with unbelievers. And so in the context of 1st Peter 3, he's speaking to women who are married to the unbelieving man.

He says this, in the same way, you wives, oh by the way, in the same way, what way? Well, in verse 2 at the end, who's this speaking of? Christ himself. Christ himself is the example we follow, right? Christ is your example. Not somebody else's marriage, Not some other wife. I know that a lot of women look to other women to decide how they're going to be submissive to their husbands. No, no, no, no. Look to Christ to determine how you're going to be submissive to your husbands. Look to the Word of God, not to another woman's example.

So you can now become an excellent example to your husband. So the Bible says, in the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, They may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

Even if your husband is unsaved, he needs to see your excellent example. He needs to see your behavior. He needs to see the kind of woman that's completely committed to God. that wants to honor God more than anything in the world, that loves God so much he knows he's second.

Listen, that is so important. Your husband needs to know that you love God so much that he's not number one in your life, that he's number two.

He's number two. That God's number one. And you'll never disobey God for Him. Never. You'll never turn away from God for Him. you'll never do that. Boy, I tell you, that's the kind of women God can use. That's the kind of woman Esther was. That's the kind of woman God wants you to be as well. Your behavior is key to the process of winning your husband so that without a word, without even speaking a word, he may see something about your life that grabs him. Let me ask you.

If you were to ask your husband this evening, honey, what is it about my life that really grabs you? What would he say? How would he respond? Has your husband ever came up to you and said, you know, honey, I have noticed this about you. I've noticed this. And I am so pleased that you do this, that you are this way. You see, our life needs to give off answers. to people's questions. So if people don't ask you questions about your life, it's because your life gives no answers to their questions. Doesn't that make sense?

If your life is giving off answers because you're living a Christ-like life, they're going to ask you questions. Why? How? Who? What? So that you can respond with the word. But it's that excellent example that paves the way to draw them closer to God. And this is the context of an unbelieving man. Just think what happens if you have a believing husband, right? Be an excellent example. Number six, maintain a sweet, sweet spirit. Maintain a sweet spirit. The Bible says, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

And let not your adornment be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting down dresses. Now, let me go back to my extra story here.

He says, Peter says, don't let it be merely that. But please let it be that. You get the point? He's not saying don't be so consumed with the outward that you forget about the inward. So make sure that you understand that it's not all about what's on the outside, although you can't let the outside go. Esther understood that. It wasn't merely the outward adornment. It wasn't the fact that Esther wore a beautiful dress. It was the fact that she went to God first to prepare the king's heart so that when she went to him in the outward adornment, his heart would be prepared already, and there would be nothing on the outside.

that would cause him to be distracted from what you wanted to say and do. And so Peter says these words, not to let your adornment be nearly external, brighting the hair and wearing gold jewelry and put it on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. Listen, the dress, the jewels, the youngness, the beauty, will all fade with age and time. It's all perishable. But what is imperishable is the inner quality of the meek and the quiet spirit.

The meek spirit, isn't that the spirit that Christ himself had? It's the spirit that Peter speaks about in 1. Peter 2, verses 21, down to verse number 25, that meek spirit. It's the meek who shall inherit the earth. And Christ says, take my yoke upon you, learn for me for I am meek and gentle in spirit.

Listen, you know what Peter's asking? Peter's asking you to be like Christ, that's it. That's all. He's not saying that women should sit off in a quarter and be meek and quiet and not heard from. He's saying he should be just like Christ, meek, and had that quiet spirit. It doesn't mean that you don't ever say anything. It's not the absence of words, rather it's the tranquility. of heart. And lastly, Proverbs 31. Be a wonderful woman to your husband. A wonderful woman to your husband. How do you do that?

Proverbs 31. That virtuous woman. Listen to what it says. Verse number 10. And that's my wife. Who can find? for her worth is far above jewels and the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. Do you know that your husband's most valued treasure is you? You are the most expensive item he has. You are the most precious jewel he possesses. His life is gained because of you. if you follow Proverbs 31. If you're that kind of woman, your husband's life is gain. And the text goes on to say this.

She does good, not evil, all the days of her life. She seeks to encourage him. She seeks to strengthen him. She doesn't seek to demean him, speak out against him, speak down to him to other people. Now, that's not her. Not at all. She does him good all the days of her life. That's the virtuous woman. That's the wonderful woman. She makes coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates. When he sits among the elders of the land, she makes linen garments and sells them and supplies belts to the tradesmen.

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. That's the wonderful woman. She smiles at the future. You know what that means? She has no fear of tomorrow. no fear she has no fear next week she has no fear of next month she smiles at the future because she knows who holds the future that's a wonderful wonderful woman she's not a worry warrant she's not anxious she just trusts God for the future is that you the Bible says she opens her mouth and wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness her children rise up and bless her her husband also and he praises her saying many daughters have done nobly but you excel them all and then it says charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the lord she shall be praised that's a wonderful woman That's my prayer for each of you the same.