God's Value on Vows

In his book, Secrets to Inner Beauty, Joe Aldridge describes the realities of married life this way. He says it doesn't take long for the newlyweds to discover that everything in one person nobody's got. They soon learned that a marriage license is just a learner's permit and ask with agony, is there truly life after marriage? I'm here to let you know that there's life in your marriage, not just after your marriage. I'm reminded of the words of Socrates when he told his students, by all means, Mary, if you get a good wife, twice blessed you will be.

If you get a bad wife, you'll become a philosopher. The essential difficulties of life do not end, but rather begin with marriage. Count Herman Kesseling said, why is that? Because when we get married, we really believe that we are entering what we would say is the ideal. Soon, we realize that that ideal becomes an ordeal. And after that, we realize that we probably got a raw deal and therefore begin to look for a new deal, thinking that somehow there is another individual out there that will bring to me happiness, joy, and peace.

we need to understand that vows are very important because God places a high value on them. Tonight, I want to give you five basic principles that will help you understand God's value on vows. And I want you to listen to me very carefully because I want to explain to you what the word of the Lord actually does say. So you get the full grasp of this. Some of you are not married yet, and one day you will be. Others of you have been married for many years, but can't even remember what you said the day he got married.

Whether you remember it or not, God remembers. God does. He knows exactly what you said. And so what you can do after tonight is go back and say, you know what, I'm going to review those vows, and I'm going to renew those vows. I'm not going to renege on them. I'm going to stand by them. every year in our anniversary my wife and I review our vows just to make sure we're doing what we said we were going to do it's a good thing to do with your wife your husband five things you understand number one when you make a vow it certifies your integrity you're certifying your integrity Matthew 533 or 37 Christ says, Again, you have heard that the ancients were told you should not make false vows, but you shall fulfill your vows to the Lord.

Now, just that reading that at face value, you think, well, yeah, of course, you should fulfill your vows to the Lord. But you've got to remember that in Matthew 5, Christ is attacking the rabbinical teaching that the Jewish people are living by. Oh, you have heard that it was said by the ancients of old, This, but I tell you, no, this is the way it is. But he says, you've heard that it was said these words. You should not make false vows, but you shall fulfill your vows of the Lord. But I say to you make no oath at all.

Either by heaven, for it is a throne of God, or by the earth, for it is a footstool of his feet. Or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king. Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. but let your statement be yes, yes, or no, no. And anything beyond these is of evil. You will note that Christ addresses the verbal integrity of the Jewish nation. Right after he has already addressed the issue of what? Divorce in remarry. God wants it to be truthfulness in the heart of a man, because out of his heart he's going to speak.

That's why over in James chapter 5, verse number 12, it says this, but above all, my brethren, do not swear either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath, but let your yes be yes and your no-no so that you may not fall under judgment. James says, listen, make sure you speak the truth, make sure you live the truth or not, you're going to come under judgment of God. Because God is a God of truth. He demands that his people speak truth and live truth. it's important that you understand that the clearest indicator of our spiritual condition is our speech right sure if your if your mouth is going to speak and it comes out of your heart then the clearest way we know your spiritual condition is just by listening to the words that you speak because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks so how you speak tells us a lot about who you are there is nothing that certifies one's integrity more so than one who keeps his word think about it in your own family right gotta be a man of your word to your children a man of your word to your wife in the marketplace you've got to be a man of your word people are going to believe that what you say is going to come about because you're going to do it you're going to speak the truth you're going to live the truth when you stand before God at the altar you're giving your word this is what I'm going to do from now until death now let me ask you this question if you are going to marry somebody who has broken their vow what guarantee do you have they won't break that vow when you marry them?

You don't have a guarantee, right? If they broken their word once, they might break it again. Now, we know that when a man's in Christ, he's a new creation. And so if he broke his word before he was a believer, then after he's a believer, you've got a good chance to believe that he's going to keep his word. because he's now a new creation and he's following the law of God and wants to commit to the law of God. But for all practical purposes, when you get married, you've got to make sure you can trust the one you're going to marry.

You've got to believe that their word is going to be their bond and going to be truth. If they say they're going to be there, they're going to be there. If they say they're going to do this, they're going to do that. For if at any time you give your spouse a reason to doubt, then all of a sudden, the marriage bond begins to dwindle. You want to make sure that you give them your word so that they are able to say, yes, I believe that. I believe my husband. I believe his word. He has always been a man of his word.

She's always been a woman of her word. And I believe what they're going to say. And I believe what they said on that married day, that for better for worse, for richer for poor, in sickness and in health, They are going to be with me till death or until Jesus comes again. So when you get married, give a vow, and you keep your word, you're certifying your integrity. You're putting a stronghold on that which is true in letting everybody know, this is my word you can count on me. Number two, when you give your vows, they clarify your responsibility.

Not only do they certify your integrity, but they clarify your responsibility. Let me remind you of the words of Genesis 2.24.

We talked about last week, it's the only phrase about marriage repeated over again in the Bible. Three other times outside of Genesis chapter 2. For this cause, the Bible says, a man will leave and a man will cleave.

Listen, when you make your vow, you are qualifying all your responsibility. Listen to what I'm going to say. Fellas, your decision to leave is a decision to lead. If you're going to leave your former life, you're going to lead in the new life. So your decision to leave is a decision to lead. that. That's a big decision. That's a big responsibility. And so you are clarifying your responsibility because you are saying, I understand what marriage is about. I understand what I'm supposed to be doing.

I understand my response as a man, and the woman says, I understand my responsibility as the woman. And I am making a vow to God that I'm going to fulfill my responsibility. I'm going to fulfill my duty. Say, well, when I got married, I didn't know what my responsibility was. I didn't know what my duty was. Well, I'm going to tell you tonight. So you can't use that excuse. Because you clarified your responsibility. When you entered that new relationship, you took our new responsibilities. You are no longer dependent upon your parents for direction, for protection, or provision.

Because now you're in a new relationship. You're setting up a brand new family, Units. A lot of times there's men who get married and, you know, they've been single for many years and they got their buddies and they do things with their buddies and they're always doing this and doing that and then they get married and they assume they're going to continue doing things with their buddies. Thinking that my wife has to understand that. I mean, I've done it for the last 10 years and this is what we've always done.

We're going to keep on doing those kinds of things. And for the first couple of months, your wife will say it's okay, but the baby comes along and And she's up at night and she's changed the baby and bathing the baby and feeding the baby in the middle of night and you're still off doing your buddy thing with money night football and all those other things you do.

She's going to say, hey, time out. I'm tired taking care of the kid. It's your turn. Oh no, I got to be my buddies tonight, man. Bowling night. I got to go bowling. It's golf day. It's money night football, man. I'm out of here. When you make a decision to leave, you're making a decision to cleave. and you make a decision to attach yourself to the one who becomes your primary responsibility. So what happens when you make a vow? You are clarifying your responsibility to all who are there saying, I am leaving this relationship, I am leaving those other relationships of the past.

Wouldn't be, any of my scene, if you said to your spouse, listen, you know, I've had a few girlfriends on a sign. We've done some things, honey, you know, and we get married. I still want to keep them. You know, what's he going to say to that? Oh, okay, sure. Why not? That's okay. You go out with everyone so well, honey, I know you've done it for all these other years. That's fine. Or let's say, you're a young lady. You've been attached to this guy for many years. He's a really good friend of yours, a real strong, confident of yours, and you've had a great relationship all through your college years, and you went to work together and went to grad school together, and just good friends, you know, and now you're going to get married and say, I, you know, honey, I still want to go to him for prayer, I still want to go see him for some guidance.

He's just a good friend of mine. I'm going to say, wait a minute. That's my responsibility. I'm your confident. I'm your prayer partner. I'm your guidance counselor. You come to me, not to him. You've left old relationships to enter into a primary relationship with one individual. Over in Colossians chapter 3, let me read to you what Paul says.

He says, wives, be subject to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Wow. Husbands love your wives and don't be embittered against them. Wives, object yourself to your husbands. You see, my decision to leave is the decision to lead. My decision to lead is the decision to love. And my decision to love is the decision to learn. Learn what? Earned my wife. Learn what makes her tick. Learn what makes her upset. Learn what makes her the way she is.

That's my responsibility. I leave to lead. I lead by loving. And I love so much, I'm goingto learn. All of the rules. is about her because she is my prize. Possession, the mandate for the man, lovingly lead. The wisdom for the woman, sincerely subject yourself to his leadership. Keep on loving your wife. If you don't, Paul says, you will become embittered against her. She will become distasteful to you. She will become unenjoyable to you. Love your wife. Lead your wife. Philippians 2. The whole aspect of Christ who voluntarily lay aside his attributes placed himself under his father's authority.

Listen, Jesus Christ, ladies, is not asking you to do anything that he himself did not do. He willily subjected himself to his father. and he asks that you willing to subject yourself to your husband the man submits to Christ 1st Corinthians 11 3 the wife submits to her husband if the husband doesn't do what is right the wife still must do the right thing in following her husband's lead thirdly Your vows confirm your loyalty.

They certify your integrity, they clarify your responsibility, and thirdly, they confirm your loyalty.

Again, same verse, the answer to 24. For this cause, a man will leave and cleave. That's an issue of loyalty. Loyalty. I'm going to be glued to one man. I am loyal to one man and to one woman physically, emotionally, and spiritually. No woman in a right mind would marry a man who says, I promise to be loyal to you on the weekends. I promise to be loyal to you when it's convenient. I promise to be loyal to you until somebody else comes along. No one want to marry a guy like that. I promise to be loyal to you forever.

No matter who comes along, no matter if it's inconvenient or not. Cleaving. is costly, but the reward is intimacy. On my left finger, I wear a wedding band. That wedding band is a symbol of my commitment. This wedding band tells every woman I see I'm not available. This wedding band reminds me that every woman I see, I'm not available. It's a symbol of my commitment, my forever love, the unending circle of love. So when you wear that wedding band, it's a reminder to all people that you are loyal to one person forever.

And we must be willing to break with anything or anyone that would hinder that oneness. There should be nothing more important than spending time with your spouse. they become number one.

Listen, you walk down the aisle. I become the most powerful person in your life on that day. Because you know why? I change your entire identity. I do. You come down that aisle, and all of a sudden, Things are going to change. And when I change your identity, you're going to change your loyalty. When you become a Christian, you receive a new identity, right? You become a new creation. When you become a Christian, guess what? You don't feel any different. When I became a Christian, I didn't feel any different than I was before I was a Christian.

Felt the same, looked the same. Nothing seemed to outwardly change. I didn't feel any different on the inside but once I was captivated to Satan and now I'm captivated by Christ and if at any time in my relationship with the Lord I decide to go back to my old master guess what I've got a problem with my new master if at any time in the marriage of relationship when you take up your new identity if you decide to go back to your old identity to seek advice, to gain wisdom, you can have a problem with your new identity.

Right? And is not your marriage a picture of Christ's relationship to the church? Sure it is. Our loyalty to God is demonstrated in our loyalty to our wife or to our husband. More so than in anything we do, That's why, when you understand marriage, you understand that the vows you get confirm your loyalty. I am loyal to this person. I am loyal to them forever. Why? Because I have a new identity. I have a new responsibility. I have a great opportunity. And this is where I stand. but two of us together becoming one.

Fourth, your vows will challenge your spirituality. Challenge your spirituality. Listen, it's no secret that after Christ gives Paul the words of saying in Ephesians 5 about the family, about marriage, all that stuff, that he goes right into dealing with. with the wiles of the devil. There is nothing more that will challenge your spirituality than married life. Listen, when I was single, it was no problem walking with God. When I got married, that all changed. Why? Because at the very first time, I'm living with someone, I'm sleeping with someone who knows me.

When I was single, I could go to my house. I could shut the door, and nobody would know me. It was good to live in secrecy. But now there are no more secrets. My life is laid bare before the one that I am now committed to, and now they know me, and all of a sudden my life becomes challenged spiritually, like nothing before. And Satan says, yeah, you thought you were good. Let me tell you said that.

and you're rotten. And I'm going to show you, I'm going to use your wife to show you how rotten you are. And I'm going to use your kids to show you how bad you really are. And all that sin is exposed, and everybody in my family sees it. And my spirituality is challenged. And now, more so than ever, I've got to make a commitment to discipline myself to godliness. As never before, to let the word of Christ dwell in me richly. as never before. Because now everybody in my house knows exactly how I am.

And therefore my spirituality is challenged. And therefore, the whole growth process is challenged. But that's a good thing. Because it keeps you on your knees and it keeps you in the Word of God. here's a principle the institution of marriage is failing because our devotion to the master is faltering did you get that the institution of marriage is failing because our devotion to the master is faltering it is oh men if I could challenge you this evening lead your family spiritually oh it's hard it is so hard it is so easy for me to come to church and preach it's so easy for me to lead this church it is so simple as compared to leading my family that is the hardest thing in the world for me to do that's my biggest challenge leading my children leading my wife helping them understand god's ordained plan for them helping to understand what god is doing is a great work even though it looks bad helping understand that god is working in our family even though things fall apart, maintaining a balanced attitude, maintaining a positive attitude, trusting what God is going to do, maintaining my walk with the Lord.

That is so important. But it's the greatest challenge in my life. I want you to be able to meet that challenge, Ben. I want you to be to live up to that challenge. Face it with the power of Almighty God in your life. And watch what God does. the last thing I want to say to you tonight is that your vows communicate God's sovereignty your vows communicate God's sovereignty whether you believe it or not Matthew 19 tells us that what God has joined together let no man separate God has joined you together God never changed his mind God never said I'm sorry, I gave you the wrong one.

Let me take it back. Let me turn him in for a new man. I'm so sorry. I fashioned the wrong one for you. No. Your vows communicate God's sovereignty. You stand there saying, God, this is the one you've chosen for me. And I firmly believe that. God, you've given this man to me. You've given this woman to me. And I'm standing here forever saying, yes, Lord, thank you. And I'm going to communicate to all the world. that you are sovereign God who rules over all, even my own little life, by giving me this woman you fashioned for me.

Mind of the man who took his wedding ring off and put it on the other hand. Someone says, hey, man, you got your wedding ring on the wrong finger. He says, no, I married the wrong woman. No, it doesn't work that way. You never married the wrong one. You married the one God designed for you. But we want to say, well, it's wrong. It didn't work out. Wait a minute. God is sovereign. Remember a story in Genesis chapter 2? God had a marvelous plan. He told Adam, he said, Adam, you know, you need a party.

You need a wife, Adam. He never said to Adam. Because Adam, I tell you what you to do. I want you to name all the animals. God had a great plan. Adam said, sure, God, I can do that. So God means big parade of animals. Biggest parade in all the world go before Adam. Adam said, I name you Mr. and Mrs. Guerrilla. Mr. and Mrs. Zebra. You're Mr. Bull and you're Mrs. Cow, man. You guys are together. And all of a sudden, Adam began to realize that for every male counterpart, there was a female counterpart.

Everybody had a partner, except him. God had a marvelous plan. And therefore, when you stand up, you are saying, thank you, God, for that plan. And thank you for specifically choosing the one that I need to make my life completes.