God's Priorities for Parents, Part 1

If you have your Bible, I would invite you to turn with me to Psalm 127. Psalm 127 tells us this in verse number one, unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.

It says further on in verse number one, unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain.

The Bible is very clear that unless the Lord God is the one building your home, everything you do is futile. It's empty. it's not going to last. It's not going to make much difference. God has to be the central focus of your home. God has to be the central focus of your life. If at any time that is not happening, then the things you're doing in your home are not going to last for eternity, are not going to make an eternal impact. It's clear that God has hope for your home, and God's hope for your home is Him.

Without Him, there is no hope. With him, there is all kinds of hope. And so he wants you to understand from the very outset that there is a priority for you as a family. There's a priority, and that is him. He needs to be that priority. And we have spent a lot of time talking about God's counsel for couples, helping you understand as a married couple what your responsibility is to God first and then to one another.

Once you come to grips with that, then you are more able to be the kind of parents God wants you to be. I'm afraid there's a lot of times that we want to go to parenting seminars and read books on parenting without ever examining our responsibility toward God and toward one another as husband and wife. That's number one.

That has to happen first because everything that the husband and wife do together will flow out in their relationship with their children.

A lot of times families fail not because of lack of parenting techniques, but because mom and dad are having a hard time getting along and are not honoring the Lord in their relationship. That's number one.

And so we spent a lot of time talking about God's counsel for couples. But tonight we're going to look at God's priority for parents.

Once you understand your relationship to God and your relationship to your spouse, then you can begin to understand your relationship to your children. And God has a priority for you as you minister in your family to your children. He's going to give you four of them in the Bible. There's probably more, but I think there are at least four, four that you need to understand, four that you need to follow, four that you need to come to grips with if you're going to understand God's priority in your parenting.

These four principles will help you if you're a parent, a grandparent, wanting to be a parent, desiring to be a parent, because these principles go across the board for you. The Bible says in verse number three of Psalm 127, behold, children are a gift of the Lord.

The fruit of the room is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is a man whose quiver is full of them, they shall not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate. God says that unless he is building the home, you labor in vain in the process of your own building.

And part of what God is going to do is give you children. And as he gives you children, they are part of his building. process in your life so that you can build into their lives. But God tells us that these children are designed by God. They are gifts to parents. They are rewards. They are blessings. They are treasures in your home. And so therefore, you need to understand your priority as a parent to reach out and meet the needs of those children. four priorities for parents. We'll get as far as we possibly can this evening, and that probably won't be very far.

Priority number one is this. Demonstrate. Demonstrate to your child. Demonstrate to your child, number one, the character of Christ.

number two the compassion of Christ demonstrate to your child two things number one the character of Christ and number two the compassion of Christ if you have a Bible I would invite you to turn with me to the book of Ephesians the fifth chapter this is where the major breakdown happened because your child looks at you and says, you're supposed to represent God to me and that's how God is?

I'm not interested in that. And so it's imperative that you understand the character of God. The Bible says in Ephesians 5, verse number one, these words, therefore be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love just as Christ also love.

of Jew and gave himself up for us an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. We need to be mimics of God. We need to be copies of God. We need to make sure that our lives are accurate representations of God himself. So therefore we need to demonstrate to our children the character of Christ. We need to be able to show them God. because we act like God. Now, if that doesn't happen, everything that flows from this will become more difficult. If this does happen, everything that flows from this, that is the other three priorities, will be more readily accepted on behalf of your children.

If this is happening, You will be able to maintain your parenting in a cool and calm fashion. If it doesn't happen, then you won't be able to maintain your parenting in a cool, calm fashion. You must demonstrate to them the character of Christ. Now, the word therefore takes us back to verse 30, 31, and 32 of the previous chapter. We're not to grieve the spirit of God. We're not to sadden God's spirit. He lives within us. He draws within us, he empowers us, he wants to live his life through us. And so Paul says, don't grieve the spirit of God.

So therefore let all bitterness and wrath and anger, clamor, slander, be put away from you along with all malice. And be an imitator of God. In other words, don't do things that God doesn't do. Don't look like something God isn't. If you're continually angry with your children, if malice is a part of your life, that is all kinds of evil and wickedness, if you tend to become very bitter, then what's going to happen is that's going to hinder your parenting. You need to be a mimic of God. You need to be a mimic of Christ.

You need to be a copy of Christ to your children. So important. The Bible, helps us understand that the best way to become a great parent is to study the life of Christ. Listen, if you're going to have a child and you want to know what to do, we like to go to the bookstore and buy all kinds of books on parenting, we'd like to call the different family centers in our country and call them and say, what am I supposed to do? it's not about what you're supposed to do it's about who you're supposed to be because what you do flows from who you are as a person if you were to take the book that is on your lap this evening the word of God and study the Bible the character of God understanding who God is guess what you will become more like God more like Christ if you become more like Christ, you will infect people with Christ-likeness.

Specifically, your children. And that's what they need to see. Because, you see, they are learning their parenting techniques from their mother and father. And they will be a lot like their mom and dad. I find myself all the time doing, sane, and acting just like my father. Unbelievable. Like father, like son. It's an Old Testament principle, book of Ozaa, like priests, like people. As the leaders go, so go those who follow them. And you will see that as you have your children, they will begin to mimic you.

They will begin to imitate you. Well, if you want them to imitate God, then you need to imitate God, right? And if you imitate God, then they're going to be imitating those God-like characteristics in your life. And that's what you want to produce in the lives. of your children. A father, an earthly father, best represents to his children their heavenly father. Therefore, it's imperative that you understand the character of your heavenly father. In order that you might mimic him, be an imitator of him, so your children understand true fatherhood.

Very important. The Bible says these words, very familiar words to those of us, those of you who come on a regular basis over in 1 Peter chapter 1, verse number 14, as obedient children do not be conformed to the former lust which were yours in your ignorance, but like the holy one who called you, be holy yourselves also.

in all your behavior. He didn't say be holy in some of your behavior, be holy in certain aspects of your behavior, but be holy in all of your behavior. It's an inclusive statement. And then he says, because it is written, you shall be holy for I am holy. God wants you to be a holy person, because he is holy. And so, if you want to know how to be a great father, how to be a great mother, then you need to know your God. And the Word of God is a revelation of God. It's a revelation of who He is. It's his self-disclosure.

This is what He wants you to know. This is who He is. And this is how He wants you to be. Therefore, as you study the Word of God and grow in your knowledge of God, you inevitably become a better parent. Why? Because you become more like Christ. You become more holy. as he is holy you become more holy you become more graceful more merciful more merciful more forgiving more kind more just why because now you're understanding how god acts how god reacts how god is and that's how you are to be demonstrate to your children the character of christ be imitiers of God and specifically walk in love but God is more than just love right God is holy and he's just he's kind he's tender he's compassionate he's forgiving and all those elements make up God it would be my suggestion that if you want to become a great parent that you take all the parenting books on your shelf and discard them and pick up all the books you can on the attributes of God and study them.

Get to know God inside and out. You say, well, what do I do when I'm done with that? You'll never be done with that. Because God is infinite. You'll never understand totally the character of God, so you study who he is. And the more you study him, the more you fall in love with him. And the more you fall in love with him, the more you're going to look like him. And the more you look like him, the more people will see your commitment to Christ. And you'll be demonstrating to your children the character of Christ.

Example is a very powerful tool. It is your most powerful technique in parenting. Example. Lifestyle. Turn me in your Bible to John chapter 17 for a moment. You'll notice that since we began this first point, I have not used any verses yet that specifically refer to mom and dad.

You know why that is? Because the principles, given the Word of God, go across the board to everybody. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, whether you're not even married and have children, or maybe you're even a child today. Because in all reality, are we all not supposed to be like Christ and demonstrate Christ to a lost world? Sure we are. we're trying to hone it into your home to help you understand God's hope for your home that you might better grasp what he has to say for you and for your spouse listen to these words of Christ in John Tip to 17 verse number six I manifested thy name to the men whom now gave us me out of the world thine they were and thou gavest them to me and they have kept thy word now they have come to know that everything thou has given me is from thee for the words which thou gave us me I have given to them and they received them and truly understood that I came forth from thee and they believed that thou didst send me at the end of the ministry of Christ in the eve of his crucifference fiction.

He begins to pray. And all of his men are around him, the disciples. He prays out loud about the fact that he has manifested his father to his men. That they have seen God because they have seen him. And because he is accurately represented his God, whom he is, God himself, in the flesh. But what he did is operate as a human being under the complete control of the Spirit of God in his life. But what he did is manifest God the Father to his men. And you will note that his men kept God's word, received God's word, understood God's word, and believed God's word.

The conclusion is this. If the people in your family have a hard time keeping, understanding, receiving, and believing the word of God, the very first thing you need to do is ask yourself, am I accurately manifesting God the Father to my children?

Because you see, the example is Christ, and if he manifests the Father, and as a result of that manifestation, his men now received, believed, understood, and kept the Word of God, then we need to understand that that is our responsibility with the people God has given to us. So important. Demonstrate to your children the character of Christ. Number two, the compassion of Christ.

the compassion of Christ back to Ephesians chapter 5 it speaks in verse number 4 chapter 4 verse number 32 and be kind to one another tender heart of forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you we demonstrate to our children the character of Christ, we demonstrate to our children the compassion of Christ. We demonstrate to them his attitude as well as his actions. We demonstrate to them his character as well as his conduct, his compassion. His mercies are new every morning. His compassion never fail.

And we are to be kind tender-hearted and forgiving to our children even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time they don't deserve it. Just like Christ was tender-hearted and forgiving you, and you didn't deserve it. You know, don't we have to fight the urge to give our children what they deserve? Oh, they deserve this. I'm going to give it to them. But yet, sometimes we need to be compassionate. and not give them what they do deserve, but demonstrate to them the tender, forgiving heart of our Savior.

And that's so, so crucial to understand. Your children probably deserve for you to become angry at them. They probably deserve for you to yell at them. They probably deserve to be punished. But we must be careful not to provoke them. It's so easy to provoke our children, to irritate them, to cause them to become angry. Maybe you've done that with your children. How does that happen? How is it we provoke our children? The Bible says over in Ephesians 6, look at it says, Fathers, verse 4, do not provoke your children anger, but bring them up in the devil.

discipline and instruction of the Lord. The word fathers is pateras. Same word used in Hebrews 1123 to describe Moses as parents. Okay? Same word is used over in Colossians chapter 3, verse number 21. When it says these words, fathers, do not exasperate your children that they may not lose heart. Same word use, pateras. It denotes parents. It says, you say, well, if it denotes parents, why doesn't they say parents don't do this? Well, that's encompassed in the Greek language because they use the word father because the father is the leader of the home.

The Greeks have understood that. And so as the leader of the home, he represents both mother and father. And so what was behind the Greek word pateras is the fact that we as parents need not provoke our children, need not irritate our children, need not exasperate our children to cause them to lose heart, cause them to become unruly, cause them to become rebellious, cause them to become angry. Can I give you just a few suggestions how you do that? One is, by overprotection, it's very easy to exasperate your children by overprotecting them, confining them, fencing them in, never trusting them, always wondering, whether or not they're telling the truth.

Never give them the opportunity to develop their independence. Control every movement. Control every word. Control every action. Overprotection. Little by little, they need to be able to face the world and learn how to deal with the world. But that's one way you can exacerbate your children. Another way is favoritism. Favoritism. We've read about that in our study in the book of Genesis, haven't we? Isaac, favorite Esau. over Jacob, Rebecca favored Jacob over Esau. And the agony that that relationship caused was absolutely phenomenal because there was factism in the family.

Jacob would favor Rachel over Leah. That too would cause problems in the family that infected the boys, the 12 tribes of the nation of Israel. And so you need to understand that showing favoritism to one child putting him up above the other. And we'll notice a little bit about this when we come to the life of Joseph and we're almost there.

Another way to exasperate your children is to push them into achievement because you weren't a great student. You want them to be great students. Because you weren't a great athlete. You want them to be great athletes. Or maybe you were a good student or were a great athlete and now you want them to be just like you. And so you push them to achieve and you keep pushing and pushing and pushing. And that tends to exasperate your children. Another way is through discouragement, always telling them what is bad, always tearing them down, never building them up.

And that will tend to exasperate your children. Fair to make sacrifices for your children. believe it or not will provoke your children to anger make them feel like they are an intrusion in your life make them feel that they have kept you from fulfilling your goals and objectives in life and then what you have are children who become exasperated because they feel unwanted they don't feel like their love They don't feel like you've given of yourself to them, and in love is best defined by sacrifice anyway.

Sometimes parents get so busy, they're so racked up into themselves that they have no time for their children. Another way is just to completely neglect them. David neglected Absalom in the Old Testament, and Absalom became the greatest heartbreak in David's life. Because he neglected him. He didn't deal with him, didn't nurture him. You can't neglect your children and win. We can become so busy doing absolutely nothing. So busy working on the car. So busy watching television. So busy making the almighty dollar.

So busy that we never have time for our children. We just neglect them. It leads to exasperating our children. Even by withdrawing love for them, telling them, you know what, if you do that, I'm just not going to love you anymore. That's no good. Withdrawing love from your children, that doesn't move them toward Christ's likeness. Another way is using bitter words and cruel and harsh punishment. Verbaly berating your children. Beating them to their black and blue. easily causes your children to become exasperated.

The Bible says, don't provoke your children to wrath. Instead, demonstrate to them a Christ-like character. Demonstrate to them the compassion of Christ. That's priority number one.

That's where we need to be. that's what we need to be doing priority number two is this dedicate your child to Christ dedicate your child to Christ that's number two you say well how do I do that well you got to come back next week to understand one because every parent needs to dedicate their child to Christ and in the Bible we have the model of child dedication and what that means you come back next week we'll explain to you