God's Meaning for Marriage

We've had a good time studying God's hope for your home. We began a number of weeks ago looking at God's hope for your home and introduction to help you understand some of the foundational elements that need to be established in your marriage and in your family if you're going to see God do a mighty work. It began with fearing the Christ and following his commands to fortifying your convictions, to formulating the covenant, to fulfilling your commitment all the way to the end. Those five basic foundations, help establish what needs to happen in your marriage in order for you to move off of square one to do what God has asked you to do.

The last week we looked at God's exam for engagement and looking at that exam, we asked and answered several questions, questions that you need to ask yourself before you ever marry or before you ever remarry. And we ended with a question that we just spent a lot of time on, but I want to go back to just for a brief moment this evening to try to bring us up the speed in terms of asking the question, is this God's will for my life? People always tend to ask, what is God's will for my life concerning marriage?

And that's a good question. And I've tried to help them to understand that finding God's will is not that difficult, but we tend to make it a hardship for most of us. And the Bible tells us in Proverbs 18, verse number 22, that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. So finding a wife is a good thing. It's not a bad thing. You obtain favor from the Lord. That's good news. So, God's hope for your home. Brings us to God's meaning for your marriage. What is the meaning of marriage?

remember the day for some of you it was not too long ago for most of you it was a long long time ago but it was a day where the doors swung open in the back and there she stood your bride the one that was going to be attached to you forever and thus you have begun the leaving and the cleaving most of you have left I wonder if you have cleft what does that mean what happens when you get married I'm afraid that when those people come together they know little if anything about marriage. Oh, they've read some books.

They've read some books. They've seen some movies. They've watched mom and dad. They saw grandma and grandpa. They saw maybe great grandma and great grandpa. They've seen their aunts and uncles. But for all the practical purposes before them, they have not the foggiest idea what they are getting themselves into. They don't know. It kind of reminds me the story of the two boys who sat in the back at a wedding ceremony. One little boy had attended his first wedding.

After the service, the cousin asked him, How many women can a man marry? The boy responded, 16. He says, 16? How did you get 16? The little boy said, oh, that's easy. All you have to do is add it up. It's just like the pastor said, for better, for worse, for richer, for poor. Oh, I can't wait to go home and tell my wife, I told her funny. But just like that little boy who had not the foggiest idea what marriage was about for most people who get married, they don't either, do they? So tonight, I want to look with you at the meaning of marriage and give you seven elements of a marriage that, if understood, will change your family.

Will change your relationship with your wife, your husband. We'll give you the outlook you need to have, the perspective you need to have in order to find God's hope. for your home. Number one, when God speaks of marriage, he speaks of a pictorial union.

A pictorial union. According to Ephesians 522 to 33, marriage is primarily a picture of Christ's relationship to the church. this element is the most basic and most foundational element of your marriage and if understood properly will completely change the way you view your husband and your wife when you go to bed this evening and when you wake up tomorrow if you miss this then everything else is going to go by the wayside you got to understand this Let me read it to you.

Wives, Ephesians 522, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the life, as Christ also is the head of the church. He himself being the savior, the body. But as a church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their own husbands and everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all the glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be wholly and blameless.

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church. Because we are members of his body. for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother should cleave to his wife the two shall become one flesh this mystery is great but I am speaking with reference to Christ in the church nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband the words that I just read to you out of Ephesians 5 are sometimes so familiar to us And yet, there are words that are very much neglected in our marriages.

The purpose of Ephesians 5 is to help us understand that your marriage is a graphic demonstration to the world that God has an ongoing and unending relationship with the bride. whom he loves and for whom he died that's your marriage it's a victorial union number two it's a permanent union it's a permanent union termination Genesis chapter 2 verse number 24 it says this for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh now we just read that in Ephesians chapter 5 right Do you know that this statement is mentioned four times in the Bible?

Genesis 2.24. Four times. It's the only statement about marriage that is reiterated in the Bible. Once it's given before the fall, three times it's given after the fall. Once in the Old Testament, three times in the New Testament. but this statement is so important, so crucial that God repeats it three more time after the next to 224. If he said it once, it's enough, but he knew to say it at once wouldn't be enough, so he said it three more times. Just to make sure you understood the importance of marriage.

Marriage is a pictorial union. Marriage is a permanent union. for this cause a man shall leave and a man shall cleave it's a word that means to be glued together it means to be stuck together it refers to a strong bonding together of two separate objects so that they become inseparable you are to leave you are to cleave when that wife or that bride comes down the aisle she is leaving that which she knows so well that she's been a part of for so many years and she is going to attach yourself glue herself to an individual that she barely knows no matter how long you date them no matter how long you are with them you still know only 10% of the person you're going to marry at most so when you finally are attached to them you have a whole other side of that individual, you don't even know it exists, but we'll soon find out.

So you are leaving and you are cleaving. It's a permanent union. You are stuck together like Siamese twins. God met marriage to be for life, whether it is for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. need to view our partner as one who is not an additional application to our lives, but one that becomes indivisible with our lives. I'm afraid that when we get married, we add somebody extra to our house. She's an add-on, he's an add-on, and they're treated as add-ons.

They're not one flesh. They leave, and they clean. leave. They're glued together. One man defined marriage this way. Marriage is a total commitment and a total sharing of the total person with another person until death. You see, most of us, when we get married, we get married thinking, okay, well, if it doesn't work out, I can always get a divorce. Not a problem. I'm married for a while, if things don't work out, well, you know, I can file and, you know, for irreconcilable differences. And, you know, and then we can move on and I'll find somebody else.

Listen, if you go into marriage with that attitude, that is exactly what's going to happen. You will get divorced. You will. In fact, the divorce word should never even be mentioned in a marriage. It's called the D word. Should never be mentioned. It should never even be brought up in a marriage. Because once you bring it up, it's put on the table. Once it's on the table, it becomes an option. Once it's an option, when things get worse, it becomes the option you soon take. Because it's the easy way out.

And a lot of people want out. We live in a non-committal society anyway. People are, we're likely to commit to anything for a long period of time, let alone a husband or a wife. So if your husband begins to bold. or your husband becomes bald or your husband develops bunions or begins to wear bifocles for better or for worse for richer or for poor if your wife doesn't look like she used to before she had children I mean after she had children that doesn't make a difference you are to love her the same way no matter what she looks like you are to love her even if at one point she kept the house immaculate and now that she has so many kids she can't even begin to pick up the toys you still love her even if she can't cook even if she begins to spend money haphazardly You still love your wife for better or for worse.

You see, we come and we stand and we say vows, right? Next week we're going to talk about God's value on vows. We say a vow, and you know what? We don't have a foggiest idea of what we're saying. And the vow you make, listen, is not a vow to your husband. It's a vow to God. And the Bible says it's better not to vow than to vow and to break it.

Number three, it is a predetermined union. A pre-determined union. And now it gets really good. Turn back with you would to Matthew chapter 19. Christ, we referred to this last week. He is giving his discourse on marriage. In verse number six, he says something very significant. He says, consequently, those who have become one flesh are no longer two but one flesh. So he reiterates what he quotes from Genesis 2, 24, and says, they're one. And then he says these words, well, therefore God has joined together, let no man.

separate. Listen to what I'm going to tell you. Every marriage is a marriage made in heaven. Did you know that? What God has joined together, let no man separate. Who joins you together? Not the priest, not the pastor. Not the bishop, not the justice of the peace. Who joins you together? God joins you together. If God has joined you, let no man seek to separate that which God puts together. Don't do that. Why? Because what you have is a pre-determined union, a union that was predetermined in the mind of God in eternity past.

You say, how can that be? Very simple. In Genesis 2, verse number, Number 22, God does something very unique. When he puts Adam to sleep, he removes the rib from his side and he fashions a woman for him. And it says in Genesis 22, and the Lord God fashioned into a woman, the rib which he had taken from the man, and he brought her to the man. now God is a God of miracles and God could have taken that one rib and created 50 women and said Adam you get your pick of the litter man take whatever one you want I created 50 of the most incredible women you'll ever lay eyes on and I could sit back and wow man 50 I'll take them all.

They'll think they want. So he didn't choose. Which one he's going to take? No. God fashioned one for him. One. And that's the one he brought to Adam. So when you come over to Matthew chapter 19, it tells us that God has joined you together. If God is the alpha and the omega, he knows the beginning from the end. if God has a decreed will where everything is set on course just exactly as he planned it what does that mean the God gave you your wife God gave you your husband in other words the persons that he nicks to you if they're here tonight or the person that you're sleeping with if you're married Lord willing then that person is God's gift to you At least we're awake.

Listen to Proverbs 1914. Listen to this. House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers. Now, I haven't experienced that yet, but because the Bible says that I believe that's true.

Okay? House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Number four. It's a purposeful union. It's a purposeful union. Genesis chapter 2, verse number 18, it is not good for man to be alone. God said that. It's not good for man to be alone. So in verse number 24, he says, for this cause a man shall leave. What's the cause? For what cause will a man leave and cleave? It's not good for man to be alone. That's the cause. so because it's not good for man to be alone I'm going to create him a suitable helper oh that's so good a suitable helper number five it's a precious union the two shall become what one flesh how more precious can it be than two becoming one eyes, you become the total possession of the other one.

Boy, I wish that we could grasp this. I wish we could understand this. We think one flesh is just about sex. It's not. Oh, man, it goes way beyond that. I mean, it's emotional oneness, it's spiritual onness, it's relational one, it's everything. It's not just sexual oneness. It deals with the whole of the individual. When you leave and you cleave, you become one. then. One plus one in marriage is always one. Only place it is, everyone else is two, except in marriage, it's one. And therefore, it becomes the most precious of all unions.

You become one in mind, one in spirit, one in direction, one in emotion. You become one with your spouse. And your children, they are the incarnation of that oneness. They are the incarnation. They the incarnation of your love. The Bible never says you are one with your children because you're not. That's why in your marriage, it's always mom and dad first, children second.

Always. Children need to understand that. Listen, in that one element alone, it provides supreme security for your children. You will note that in children who are extremely insecure, what is out of balance, first of all, in the family, is that mother or father has elevated one child or more above the other spouse.

And that becomes the supreme factor in insecurity in the realm of your children. The security your children need to know is that you as a father and you as a mother are so committed to one another that nothing will divide you, not even your children. And they find security in that. They find stability in that. And that allows them to grow and to flourish in that family units. The one flesh, she's your companion. You've made a covenant with her into the most intimate of all relationships. Number six, it is a provisional union.

It is a provisional union. Over in 1st Peter chapter 3, let me read to you what it says here. This is such a good verse. You know, in 1 Peter chapter 3, verses 1 to 7, there are seven verses that deal with the family. Seven that deal with the family, specific to the husband and the wife. There are six that deal with the wife and one that deals with the man. You know why that is, don't you? The reason there's only one verse that deals with the man is because men, if they had more than one verse to have to understand, they get confused, you see?

So God says, I'm just going to give you one verse, I'm going to put in a nutshell for you because I know you're going to get confused.

Women, you see, they like things drawn out. They like illustration. So God gives him an illustration of Abraham and Sarah. He talks a little bit about the wife. He helps understand her relationship because women, she didn't get into that. But men, you know, just the facts, man. Give me the facts. So God says, okay, you want the facts?

Here the facts. First, Peter 3-7. You husbands, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel since she is a woman and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. It is a provisional union. She's the weaker vessel. So therefore, you provide for the weaker vessel. It's weaker in terms of the fact that men are stronger than women physically, and therefore they are usually stronger than them emotionally, and therefore there is a provision that the man is to give to the wife that she needs because he becomes that stabilizing factor in the marriage.

The strong one, the leader, the one who provides for his wife what she so desperately needs. over in Proverbs 31 It speaks about the woman and how she provides Proverbs 31 verse number 10 An excellent wife who can find for her worth is far above jewels The heart of her husband trust in her And he will have no lack of gain She does him good and not evil All the days of her life She provides for her husband She does him good, not evil All the days of her life It's a provisional union Both on the part of the man and the woman And lastly, it is a place pleasurable union.

A pleasurable union. Hebrews 13, verse number four, that marriage be held in honor among all and let marriage the marriage bed be undefiled. Marriage was designed by God to be honorable and to be enjoyable. That's why First 157.4 says that the husband's body is not his own, but it's his wife's body is not her own, but it's his.

Why? Because it is a pleasurable union. God's not some prude, Some ogre up in the sky, not wanting you to experience a pleasure of oneness? No, he designed sex. Sex is a great thing. But it has to be done in the realm of marriage. And therefore, marriage becomes a very pleasurable union. It says these words over in Proverbs, chapter 5, verse number 18. Proverbs 5, verse number 18. It says, let your fountain be blessed. and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful dough, let her breast satisfy you at all times, be exhilarated always with her love.

For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulterous and embrace the bosom of a foreigner? For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he watches all his paths. Rejoice with the wife of your youth. Why? Because God's given you a union. that is designed to be a pleasurable union. That is the meaning of marriage as set forth in the scriptures. Once you begin to understand that meaning, your marriage will change. I guarantee it. Because you'll be doing what God says.

You will be delighting yourself in the Lord, because you'll be delighting yourself in the law of the law. God and when you delight yourself in the Lord he gives you the desires of your heart