God's Hallmarks for Husbands

Tonight we want to continue our study in God's hope for your home. And we have spent a number of weeks talking specifically about God's counsel for couples. We are done with that section of our study. And we're moving on now to God's hallmarks for husbands. Next week we'll talk about God's wisdom for wives. And then we'll look and talk about God's priority for parents. And then God's charge to children, then God's instructions. for in-laws. And then we'll close our time with God's foundations for your family.

It's been a long series, but we tried to cover some of the most essential elements for you that you might understand what you are to be doing. But tonight we're going to talk about God's hallmarks for husbands. And we need to understand that the biblical duty and responsibility of the man is not to be a leader of his family, but to be a lover of his family. God wants men to lead, but your ability to lead is determined by what kind of lover you are, and what kind of lover you are is determined by the Lord you serve.

And so as we examine the word of God, we realize that the Apostle Paul takes a lot more time and gives a lot more space to the instructions to fathers and husbands than he does to wives and mothers. The reason is because if your home life is going to be helpful and not harmful, then it resides in the husband's responsibility and his duty. How is that going to happen? Well, if you're going to be the leader of your family, you must be a lover of your family. And to understand what it means to love your family, you must understand what the word God has to say about love.

And Paul would outline in 1,5thians 13, verses 4 to 8, the most comprehensive description of love in the Bible. And it emphasizes the utter selflessness of love. Love's kindness, loves gentleness, loves refusal to be self-seeking, loves utter concern for the welfare of a its object. Paul relies on verbs that describe love, meaning that love is that which suffers long, rejoices, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and says love never fails. So if you're going to be a husband that honors the Lord, a husband that knows how to deal with his wife, you must be a lover first, and then you can be a leader, because great lovers make great leaders.

And love is not something that's passive. Love is something that's very active, and that's described in 1st Corinthians chapter 13. And therefore we need to understand that by realizing God's hallmarks for husbands, they fall into certain categories. And we want to describe that for you this evening by looking at the word husband. And what are those hallmarks that set him apart, that make him the kind of man God wants him to be. Hallmark number one is this.

Husbands honor their wives. Husbands honor their wives. That's hallmark number one. If you have your Bible, 1 Peter chapter 3, verse number 7 reads as follows. You husbands likewise live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weak a vessel since she is a woman and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. so that your prayers may not be hindered. The Bible says that husbands are to grant honor to their wives.

That is, they are to assign her honor. That's the opposite of putting her down. It's the word that means to lift up. It's the word that means to elevate. So if a man is to honor his wife, that is, he treats her as the most prized possession that he has. That's how a man is to honor his wife. She's not just another woman. She's not any woman. She is God's chosen instrument given specifically to him. What the Bible says in Genesis chapter 1, verse number 18, excuse me 2 verse number 18, that it's not good for man to be alone.

And because it wasn't good for man to be alone, God made for man a suitable helper. And that suitable helper is his most prized possession. The question comes is how valuable is your wife? How costly is your wife? Is she high on your priority list? Does she occupy a highly respected position in your life? Do you assign her top priority in your schedule? Do you assign her top priority in your heart? A good way to know whether or not you are honoring your wife is to listen to see how your children address their mother.

And that will give you a good idea as to how well you honor your wife. If your children treat your mother with dignity, or your wife, their mother, with dignity and respect, there's a good chance that you as a father are all. honoring their mother. If they treat her with no respect, if they interrupt her, if they speak down to her, if they openly criticize her, if they speak out against her, then the chances are they have seen that modeled in your relationship with your wife. If you honor your wife and respect her, your children soon pick up on that in to realize how important she is.

So hallmark number one is that men we need to honor our wives. Number two, understand your wife, same verse, first Peter three, verse number seven.

Not only do you need to honor your wife, but you need to understand your wife. The Bible says live with your wife in an understanding way.

That's an amazing statement, isn't it? Because the most difficult person to understand in the world is your life. So the Bible is very clear. make sure you live with her or you dwell with her, you're in harmony with her in an understanding kind of way. The word to live or to dwell is a word that means to be at home with. You know, there are a lot of men who are not at home with their wives. And the Bible is very clear that we need to be at home with our lives, dwell with our lives, live with our wives, be comfortable with our wives, be courteous with our lives.

lives. Live with them in an understanding kind of way. That is, according to knowledge, not academic, but very practical. Know how she is put together, perceive her innermost makeup, discern her deep-seated concerns. What are our fears and work through them in the safety of your home? Husbands live with your wives, in an understanding kind of way. The Bible says live with your wife in an understanding way.

If you don't seek to understand your wife, your prayer life will be hindered. And I've said it many times from our pulpit on Sunday mornings that one of the biggest problems in the church is men whose prayer lives are as weak as they are because their relationships with their wives are as bad as they are. Do you understand that if you changed your relationship with your wife, your whole spiritual life will change because God says very clearly live with your wife dwell with her in an understanding kind of way she's the weaker vessel you're both heirs of the grace of life but you've got to give her honor you have to lift her up she has to be known as the most prized possession that you have if not your prayer life will be hindered honor your wife, understand your wife.

Number three, sanctify your wife. Tell me if you would over to Ephesians chapter 5, verse number 25. Ephesians 5, verse number 25 says, husbands love your wives, just as Christ also love the church, and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church. church, in all her glory, having no spot or ankle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless. Christ sanctifies the body. He wants us as husbands to learn to sanctify our lives.

Love always seeks the purity of the object that it loves. And therefore, if we love our wives, we don't want to do anything to defile them. Christ is our sanctifier. That is, Christ set us apart for special use. That's just an easy way to talk about what Christ did when he saved us. He sanctified us. He set us apart for a specific reason, to be used of him in a mighty way. and so the Bible says as far as the east is from the west so has he removed our sins from us he's forgiven us all of our sins Colossus 213 well in marriage we now as husbands are to sanctify our lives that is we are to set our wives apart for special use think about it this way as the Lord God set you apart to be used for a greater purpose so you too now set your wife apart to be used for a greater purpose.

That is, you set her apart for special use. When she marries you, you set her apart from past relationships. Maybe your wife comes from a home that had an abusive father. You have to be the sanctifying influence now in the life of your wife to help her grow through that, understand forgiveness about that, that she might have a ministry with her father as never before. Maybe she comes from a home where there was a dominary mother in the home that virtually ran the home and ramrodded everything through the home.

She needs to be sanctified. She needs to be set apart for a special use. In other words, you as the husband are to be the cleaner-upper. You are the cleanser of your life. you are to be used in a cleansing way by helping you understand what the word of God says about her relationship with other people as well as a relationship to her children as well as her relationship to her God.

Hallmark number four is that you need to bless your wife. You need to bless your wife. The text, Proverbs 31, verse number 28 and 29. Speaking of the virtuous woman, her children rise up and bless her. Her husband also. And he praises her. or he blesses her saying, many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all. Her husband blesses her. He praises her. That's a hallmark for her husband. Her husband has nothing but praise for her. Every woman wants to receive praise from her husband. She wants to know how she's doing with the kids.

She wants to know how she's doing with the food. She feeds the kids. She wants to know how she's doing with the keeping and the cleaning of the house. She wants to know the church, she can hear it from her friends, but it doesn't mean the saying. She wants to hear it from her husband, and the virtuous woman is praised by her husband. Her daughters want to be like her. Her boys want to marry women like her. Her husband praises her. Her husband praises her. her husband blesses her next you to accept your wife that's a hallmark for husband he honors his wife he understands his wife he sanctifies his wife he blesses his wife and he accepts his wife the text Genesis chapter 2 verse number 24 for this cause a man will leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and they should become one flesh.

The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. They were one flesh. That is, they were so one, so entwined together that they accepted one another just the way they are. And that is, you know, it's so easy for us as men to make comparisons. Let's say you're in a second marriage, marriage and you use the phrase well well my first wife didn't do that oh that didn't go so good that's that's not that's not very good advice don't use those words or you know my mother never cooked it that way well who cares what your mother did evidently you do but that's a comparison see you start making comparisons with your wife guess what you haven't shown your wife that you accept her for the way she is you wish she was like your mother no you don't Believe me.

But yet, you bring that statement out because you want to change your wife. You see? You make a comparison about another world with the church. Wow, boy, she sure dresses good. Boy, baby. And I wish you dressed like she did. Not good things to say. All right? But we like to make those comparisons because we're not really accepting of the way she is. Now, maybe there are some things that she needs to change. That's when you're lovingly sit down with your wife and begin to. talk through those things with her.

But you don't make comparisons, thinking that you're going to influence change in her life because you've compared it to somebody else. Let me tell you something.

Comparisons always demean the individual that you're comparing them to. So you've got to be careful about that. Marriage is an awful expensive way to discuss one another's false. You need to discuss the things that are true and pure and holy. We try to change our lives because we want them to be a certain way. You know, we want our lives to be thin, and we want our wives to look a certain way and walk a certain way, and yet we as men, you know, we let the midsection just bulge right on out there.

If they did that, that's okay. You know what I'm saying? But yet we want our wife to look a certain way. And she might be thinking, well, honey, you don't look that way. look how heavy you are you've let yourself go you went that way when we got married I can tell you right now the day I got married I weighed 170 pounds today I don't weigh 170 pounds I weigh 205 pounds hard selling it I know you know I was telling a couple today in my office I said you know when I was 24 man I was studdley boy but now that I'm 44 things have changed drastically in my life, drastically.

And so if a husband's going around and things are changing physically for him, yet he wants to keep his wife, that same 19-year-old person he married 20 years ago, ain't going to happen. You've got to accept her for the way she is, because she is that person that you are one flesh with. You give you an example. Romans 5, verse 8, Christ accepted us when we were, what, unworthy? and unacceptable. Christ died for us when we were what? There is nothing acceptable about us. There's nothing worthy about us.

And so we want to go around telling everybody we love our lives, but we don't want to accept them for the way they are. But you have to, if you're really truly going to love them. You accept them in their unworthy condition. You accept them in their unattractive condition. You accept them in their unacceptable position. if the perfect one, our Lord Jesus Christ, accepted the imperfect one, that which is a sinner, to demonstrate his love toward us, how much more do we, who are to picture Christ's love for the church to the world through our relationship with our wife, need to learn to accept them for who they are.

Next, Hallmark, you need to nourish your wife. Nourish your wife. your wife. Back to Ephesians chapter 5. It says this. So husbands are also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church. As husbands, we are to nourish our wives. That's a hallmark for a husband. To nourish and cherish his wife. Your wife is not your personal cook. She's not your personal maid.

She is not your personal babysitter. She is not your personal sex partner. Your wife is someone who is to be treasured as your own body. and she is to be nourished and she is to be cherished. We take care of ourselves. If we're hungry, we eat. If we're thirsty, we drink. If we're tired, we sleep. If we're disheveled, we get ourselves cleaned up. Well, if that's the case as men because we love our own lives and we want to take care of our own lives, now we need to love our wife as we love our lives.

that's very important. We need to do for our wife exactly what we would do for ourselves because we love them as we love our own lives. As a husband, your job is to be that provider for your family. Such an important responsibility. No way do you nourish that woman, but you are to cherish that woman. That's the word that means to warm with us. body heat. It emphasizes tenderness. It emphasizes intimacy that a man has with his wife. You ought to provide a secure environment for your bride. In the confines, in the secrecy of your home, would your wife really say that I am completely secure in my relationship with my husband and a completely secure in his ability to provide for my home?

Would your wife be able to say my husband so tenderly cares and nurtures me in every aspect that I have not a concern in the world that's where fellas you want your wife to be now she might not be there today but you want to get there sometime in the future that's the that's the track you want to be on that's where you need to be going and moving toward because you are to her what Christ is to the church. You have to think of your relationship that way. You are to your wife what Christ is to the church.

He is the sanctifier of the church, you are the sanctifier of the wife. He loved the church and gave himself away. You would love your wife and give yourself away. He is the one who nourishes and cherishes the church. You are the one who is to nourish and cherish the bride that God gave you. See that? mixed you need to desire your wife you need to desire your wife problem chapter 5 says this verse number 15 drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well should your springs be dispersed abroad streams of water in the streets let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth, as a loving hind and a graceful dough, let her breast satisfy you at all times.

Be exhilarated always with her love. Be exhilarated always with her love. Desire your wife. Take pleasure in your wife. You read the song of Solomon, it speaks of Solomon's love for his wife and her love for him, and he says that I am my beloved's, and she says that I am my beloved, and his desire is toward me. It's a book filled with physical affection. It's a book filled with one's desire for the other one in the relationship. You need to desire your wife. It's not just talking about sexual affection and physical affection.

It's talking about emotional affection. It's talking about the relational affection you have. one toward another as you read through the song of Solomon. And I can hear it in the minds of some of the men right now, but I don't desire my wife anymore. I felt to be exhilarated always with her love, I don't desire her anymore. You ever been in that position? If you're no longer exhilarated with her love, you're exhilarated with your love for yourself, or you're exhilarated with a love for someone else's wife or some single person that's out there.

First Christ, it's 13.5 says that love never seeks its own. It never seeks its own interest. It never seeks its own benefit. The love is always giving itself away. So if you don't desire your wife, if you're not exhilarated with your wife, then you've got to do something. You've got to realize that the Bible says, deny yourself.

Deny yourself. You're not excited about your wife and desiring your wife because you haven't denied yourself yet. You still are trying to do things for yourself. So you need to deny yourself. You need to ask God to do. forgive you of your selfish attitude for not recognizing what the Bible says about love and I've heard once I've heard it a million times but but what about her what about the way she is and what about the way she feels and and what about her you just proved my point that you're more concerned about yourself than anything else desire your wife and lastly satisfy your wife.

Satisfy your wife. No man ever hates his own body, Ephesians 5 says, but he loves his own self. He used to love his wife as he loves himself. Listen, if you're satisfied, you need to make sure she's satisfied. If you're not satisfied, you still need to make sure she's satisfied. you need to learn to satisfy your wife if we honor our lives if we understand our lives if we sanctify our lives bless them accept them nourish them and desire them guess what they'll be satisfied guaranteed guaranteed they will be satisfied and we need to satisfy them we need to love them as we love our own bodies we need to give to them all that we possibly can this week if your husband your objective is to satisfy your wife by honoring her understanding her sanctifying her bluffing her accepting her, nourishing her and desiring her.

And believe me, she will be the most satisfied woman on the face of the earth.