God's Exam for Engagement

So you want to get married? It's a question that we ask those who are looking one day to set a date and unite themselves together in holy matrimony. Then we ask, are you sure you want to get married? Do you know all that's involved? And know how many times you ask that question? Noodyweds are those who are about to become newlyweds don't have the foggiest idea what they're going to do. They don't know what they're getting themselves into. They think they know. They think they're in love. They really do.

They really believe that. I try to tell them they're not in love, but they don't want to believe that. But time will tell, and they'll realize they weren't really in love when they were engaged, but they learned to understand love as they were married together. But anyway, people look to get married mostly for all the wrong reasons. Hopefully tonight we can help you see some of those right reasons. But tonight, I would like to give you some questions that you need to ask before you say, I do. Maybe you're widowed this evening.

You're looking to remarry. Maybe you're divorced. You're looking to remarry. Maybe you're single and you're looking to one day get married. These are some questions you need to ask. Question number one is this.

Should I remain single? That's where you have to begin. Is it in the cards for me? Bad word. I'm sorry. Isn't the stars for me, that's the bad word too. Is it the right thing for me to do to get married? Am I going the right way? Has God designed me for marriage? That's the question. You know what? Very few people ever ask. In fact, most people, when they get married, because they get married for the wrong reasons, maybe they want to get married because they want to leave their parents. Ever that people like that?

They're tired of mom and dad. Just give me the right guy at the right time, and I'm out of here. wrong reason for marriage others like to get married because they need companionship wrong motivation for marriage some people they want to get married for security reasons they are so insecure that if they get wrapped up in this one individual they're going to be secure wrong reason none of those are in the Bible but you'll notice that a lot of people get married for those kinds of reasons realize that Whatever your circumstance, whatever your situation is today affecting you and the way you are, you're going to bring that into your marriage.

So remember that. Just because your surroundings change doesn't mean your life is going to change. And sadly, many wake up instead of asking the question before they got married, should I remain single? they are now married and they are asking or saying, I should have stayed single. So let's answer and ask or ask and answer that question. If you hear your Bible, turn with me to Matthew chapter 19.

Matthew chapter 19. In Matthew 19, Christ is dealing with the issue of divorce and remarriage, probably one of the foremost passages in the Bible, that deal quite in great detail with the issue of divorce and remarriage. we're not going to do that this evening we do have tapes that cover this in matthew's gospel also in mark's gospel that is not our purpose this evening but what we want to do is help you understand what the disciples are going through christ says listen you you have heard that it was said that you can divorce your wife for any cause but i want to let you know that uh you can only divorce your wife for the cause of immorality and if you divorce for any other reason and you marry somebody else you then become an adulterer.

And the disciples responded by saying, whoa, wait a minute, I'm not sure we should even get married. Man, who wants to get married? If you just can't leave your wife for any cause, because that's what they were doing. I mean, in those days, if the wife burned the meal, you can say, you're done. Goodbye. There's somebody else who won't burn my meal, and they can get to make the wife at any time they wanted to. They love that. And Christ says, hey, time out, you can't do that.

Unless there's immorality in the marriage, you can't divorce your wife. And they're saying, well, it's better not to get married then. If we've got to make that deep of commitment to this woman, we had better not even touch marriage. And Christ says these words.

Verse 11, not all men can accept this statement, the one he just made about divorce and remarriage. That was obvious. The disciples, the men he chose to lead and to nurture and to grow, they didn't understand it. And then it says, but only those to whom it has been given. Now listen very carefully. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb. And there are eunuchs who are made eunuchs by men. And there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

He who is able to accept this, let him accept it. Now what Christ says here is very important Because Christ is addressing the issue Of singleness So what kind of single are you?

Are you single because circumstances have dictated that to you? There's nobody to marry. You've been widowed. You've been divorced. Are you single because There is no really desire for family and marriage? You have the gift of celibacy? Or are you single? Because by personal choice, you have said, this is what I want to do. I want to have the most effective ministry I possibly can, and I want to pour my whole life into that ministry. That's why a lot of people who are missionaries go to the mission field of singles, because they want to devote their whole lives to the ministry, and they have very effective ministries.

But sometimes we as Christians who are married, look at people and say, well, they should get married.

It's not God's designed for every person to be married. Please understand that. And I'm afraid there are a lot of people getting married for all the wrong reasons where if they just go back and say, you know what, should I be single? Should I remain single? Should I remain devoted to my God and serve him with all my heart? Has God given me the gift of celibacy? See, there are some people who get married for security reasons. And they built their security around this spouse. Oh, don't do that. Why?

Because your spouse is so insecure anyway that they're not going to provide security for you. So you're going to be in big trouble. Why? Your security is worth who? The Lord Jesus Christ. But there is a legitimate need for marriage. What that is? Sex. That's what says. Paul says. If you have personal urges, if you have urges that are so strong, it is better for you to marry than it is for you to burn with passion. therefore you know you don't have to get to celibacy therefore you know you should be married let me give you an example when my first wife died shoot 16 17 years ago now I remember talking to the Lord saying Lord we we have to have a conversation but Satan has gone home to be with you and I trust you for that and I believe what you have done and I am committed to you and I have a son but I'll let you know Lord you have not gifted me with celibacy I know that with a shadow a doubt.

So, Lord, you have to bring me a life. You have to give me one because I know my urges. I know what the Bible says in 1st, Corinthians 7.

It's better to marry than to burn with passion. And so, God, I need you to bring me a woman. In Psalm 8411 says, no good thing we're the Lord withhold from those who walk up rightly. And so, Lord, I'm going to commit my life to walking up Riley serving you honoring you and you bring to me the woman you want me to marry and my whole life will be consumed with honoring and glorifying your name you just bring that person to me sure enough nothing long that he brought me lorry well you know the rest of the story six seven kids later you know here we are you know what saying but uh god has has been good but the bottom line is the bible says if you have those sexual urges you know you don't have the gift of celibacy you're not a eunuch, as Christ would say from conception, and you desire not to make that personal choice, now you have a legitimate need for marriage, because your partner is to give that to you, and you to give that to them.

That urge is not to be met outside the marriage union. God calls that immorality. God calls that adultery, that God calls that sin. Remember, sex sin is different than every other sin, right? Because every other sin is done outside the body, one sin is done inside the body, and that is sex sin. That's 1st 15th, chapter 6. Okay, so that's question number one.

Should I remain single? Number two, if divorced, am I free to remarry? That's another question. Now, you might say, well, I'm just a young person. I haven't, I haven't been married, I haven't been divorced. Yeah, but you know what? There are a lot of people that have been. If I'm divorced, can I remarry? You'll go to some churches and say, you know what? Absolutely not. If you're divorced, you've got a big D on your chest. Therefore, you can never remarry. I've been to their seminars. I've been to those churches.

Those churches and seminars are all wrong because they're not based on what the word of God says. You've got to go about what the word of God says.

And so if divorced, am I free to remarry? If there is a biblical consent for divorce, then there is a biblical opportunity for remarriage. If God provides, if in the scriptures, divorce and in certain situations, then he will also prescribe remarriage. Let me give you an example.

First Quetheed chapter 7, verse number 15. If the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave. Now, in the context of first Corinthians, 715, Paul was talking about the believer who was married to the unbeliever.

And if the unbeliever says, I'm out of here, I'm gone. I want nothing to do with your faith. I want nothing to do with your church. I want nothing to do with you. I'm out of here. If the unbeliever departs, Paul says, let him leave. That's a command. Let them go. Let them divorce you. The brother or sister, that is a Christian, is not under bondage in such cases, But God has called us to peace. Now, the question is, what are they not under bondage to anymore? Well, it can't be the marriage. Why? Because the marriage union is already broken.

They've left. It's gone. So they are not under bondage to say that they are not able to remarry. No, they can. How? First number 39.

Paul says, a wife is bound as long as her husband lives. But if her husband is dead, she is free, opposite of bondage, she is free. She's at liberty to be married to whom she wishes only, though, in the Lord. Okay? So God says, listen, you are able to remarry once you have been divorced, providing there are biblical grounds for your divorce.

And let me help you understand in just a very short period of time exactly what those are. Number one, Matthew 19, verse number nine says, if there is immorality in the marriage, okay?

If there is immorality on the part of your partner, then you are free to remarry. If you divorce for immorality, and Matthew 19 says you can do that. If you divorce for the cause of fornication, for immorality, for pornea, adultery, you are free to remarry. Matthew 199. Number two, if the unbelieving partner departs, 1st, 515, we just read it.

If the unbeliever says, look, I'm out of here, I'm gone, you let them leave, the Bible says. The Bible says, don't go after them.

Quite the contrary, which you hear from most people. Don't pursue them. If the unbeliever wants to leave, let the unbeliever leave. It's a command. Let them go. You're free to remarry. Number two, if there is the death of your partner, first 157.39, we just read it.

If your partner dies, you are free to remarry. Number four, if you're, listen carefully to what I'm going to say, if your former partner remarries, you are free to remarry. If you are divorced for unbiblical reasons, not because of immorality, not because your partner was an unbeliever and they left you, you just divorced because of unreconcilable differences. And that is the catch-all phrase today. But just let me let you know that every marriage has irreconcilable differences.

Every one of them does. Okay? The question is, how committed are you to working through those differences? But if your partner divorces you or you divorce them, for a reason other than biblical grounds, and that partner now remarries, there is absolutely no chance for reconciliation. Therefore, you are free to remarry. Because that person has already remarried. That person, for all practical terms, if they divorce for biblical reasons, has already committed immorality or adultery, as Matthew 199 says, therefore you are free to remarry.

Now, the question comes is what if I'm divorced for unbiblical grounds, and my partner is unmarried? That's a good question. First 157, verse number 10, says this, But to the married, I give instructions, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband.

Listen carefully. The Bible never asks or suggests that the believer initiate a divorce. We'll talk more about this in days ahead. But let me help you understand the realm of forgiveness plays a supreme part in marriage.

We will spend a lot of time here in weeks and months ahead. You need to understand that. Most people miss that. They don't want to forgive. They're looking for a way out and they're going to get out. But Paul says, these words, let her remain, the wife should not leave her husband. But if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband, and the husband should not send his wife away. What Paul is saying is that if you divorce your husband, Carrizzo is the word, if you divorce your husband, if you leave your husband, or you leave your wife, Paul says, you need to remain unmarried.

Why? Why is that? Because there are so many issues involved in a divorce. so many issues. And he is saying, listen, if you marry, there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation. If you remain unmarried, there's always a chance that you can reconcile. If your partner has not committed immorality, if your partner is not an unbeliever, and therefore they have left you, your job is to sit back and say, okay, Lord, I am committed to you. Because I'm committed to you, I am committed to this marriage. even though we are divorced, I am going to pray that some way, somehow, you will bring my husband and I back together again in order that we might glorify your holy name.

So you pray for reconciliation. That doesn't mean it's going to happen because that partner might go off and get married again. That would then allow you to be free to remarry. But Paul says, very clearly, if you divorce, if you leave, remain unmarried. Because if you don't, there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation. And Matthew 199 says that if you divorce for any reason other than immorality, what you do, what you remarry is you commit adultery. Therefore, you make your partner an adulterer.

Therefore, what you have done is violated the Word of God. So Paul says, don't do that. Don't get married because there's always a chance There could be reconciliation. Now, I know that this is where the majority of people are. This is where they're at. They're at that crossroads are saying, you know, we don't get along together. It's a mess. Nothing's going to work, and it looks like everything is falling apart, and it's never going to come together again. And so you say, I'm out of here. Life has got to be better for me than this.

And so you get a divorce. And Paul says, if that happens, you need to remain unmarried unmarried you need to pray for your husband you to pray for your wife you to ask God to do a tremendous tremendous work if you go ahead and get remarried thinking that you're going to resolve the issues let me tell you something you're going to bring a lot of that emotional baggage right into the next marriage you need to take time to deal with the issues you need to take time to grow when you walk with the Lord okay let's we want a question number three.

Can I marry a divorced person? That's a big question. Can I marry a divorced person? There are people who are virgins, as Paul says in First Quentin seven, that is, they never been married.

Yet they fall in love with someone who has been divorced. And they ask the question, can I marry a divorced person? First Quentin's seven, Verse number 27 says this, are you bound to a wife?

Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. That sounds almost ridiculous. You say, okay, Paul, wait a minute. If I'm bound to the wife, if I'm married to the wife, don't seek to leave. but if I am released don't seek a wife that sounds so contrary Paul what do you want me to do man I don't understand read on he says this but if you should marry you have not sinned and if a virgin should marry She has not sinned. So what does that tell you? That tells you that if you are a virgin, remember there are three categories of single people in first 157, the virgin, the widow, and the unmarried person or the divorced person.

So what you have to those three categories, Paul is talking about the virgin person. This is the one that's never been married. If you decide, yes, I want a married a divorced person, providing there are biblical grounds, the Bible says you have not sinned.

You have not. You can. But comes the question. What's the question? The question is, did he or did she have a biblical divorce? That's important, isn't it? Why? Because people, believe it or not, and I know it's none of you here tonight, tend not to tell the truth. Don't think. They tend to lie. Happens all the time. I've seen it happen so many times. I get sick when I hear about it. Next. How about if I marry an unbeliever? Can I marry an unbeliever? Well, that's a good question. Why? Because there are a lot of people I know today who are believers who have married unbelievers.

Listen carefully. I also know that there are believers who married professing believers and once they got married realized, whoops, he didn't serve the same God I serve. Next question number five. You got to ask this question. What about having children? What about having children? You've got to ask this question. You know, I forgot to ask this question when I got married to Lori, you know. I forgot to ask this question, you know, and they say that the woman's the weaker sex. I don't think so, man.

They had a stronger sex. You know, so seven kids later, man, you know, and I wanted two. That's all I wanted was two kids. You know, I grew up in a family with two kids. I kind of liked that. I had a sister and me. She was three years old than I was. She didn't bug me. I didn't bug her. I had my own room. She had her own room. It was great, man. I said, I wanted two kids. seven kids later seven kids later is where I'm at I'm loving it it's a great thing man I wouldn't trade one of them for the world I gotta say that it's on tape right so I got to say that but I wouldn't trade a one of them for anything man they are just super super kid I love them to death and and if it wasn't for my wife I would never have the chance to experience what I'm experiencing now I mean this is a big responsibility folks you got to ask can I handle the responsibility why I mean because you're going to be asked to do some incredible things over in 1st, Corinthians 7, we read earlier, verses 32 to 35 about, you know, your commitment to the Lord.

You've got to do that. And you've got to ask yourself the question, can I handle this responsibility? Have I sought counsel for my parents? Ooh, that's a good one. You need to read 1st, 5, 36 to 38. Need to read Proverbs 1, 8 to 9, Proverbs 6, 20 to 23. Those are very, very important. If you read the Old Testament, if you read the New Testament, the Bible is very clear that your parents play a major part in what you're doing. They are. And even if you're out of the house, you know what? And astute child will go back to his parents and say, you know what, is this a wise move for me?

You know, I was 26 years old and I was on my own and I was at a good job and I had a son. But I went to my parents and I asked them, is this the right move for me when I went to go marry Lori? I respected my parents enough to ask them. Your parents know more about you and the person you're going to marry than you will ever realize. That's why God gave them to you. Right? Last question, is this God's will for your life? Is this God's will for your life? Wow. First of all, let me say this.

The Bible says the first century is four, verse number 13, this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality.

The will of God for your life is that you abstain from sex. If you're having sex with somebody before you get married, you know what, don't marry him. Don't do it. Bad thing. If you've already done it, it's all right. We'll move on from there. But if you haven't, don't do it. Don't break the desired will, the moral law of God, and expect God to bless your marriage. Is it God's will for your life to be married? Maybe it is. Maybe it's not. Maybe you have to get to celibacy? I don't know. But if you talk to your parents and they agree, if you've gone through these questions and asked them and said, you know what, I can see that these are all billed biblical answers and God has given me clear direction and we've talked about children, we've talked about responsibility, we've talked about those things, and everything's a go, then get married.

The Bible says in Psalm 37, verse number four, to light yourself and the Lord, he will give you the desires of your heart.