God's Counsel for Couples, Part 6

If you have your Bible, I would invite you to turn with me to the Gospel of Luke, 17th chapter. Luke chapter 17. Our desire this evening is to understand God's counsel for couples. It wasn't too long ago that I received a brochure in the mail about a church in the area that was having a seminar for families. As I read through the brochure, I realized there was nothing on that brochure about God, Christ, the Lord, Jesus, the Word, Christianity, Bible, Scripture, anything. And I wondered what they were going to be teaching at that couple seminar.

Had a lot of humorous statements on it, but nothing concerning the Word of God. That concerns me, because if you're going to understand what God has to say for your marriage, you must go to the Word of God, for God gives us a blueprint for your marriage, helping you understand the basic principles that are outlined there. And that's what we've tried to do in our study, God's hope for your home. And in this section, God's counsel for couples, we're spending some time here because you need to understand that your relationship with your spouse is the most important relationship in your family.

And to understand what God has for you is important for you to grasp that you might do and obey what God says in his word.

So tonight as we continue our study, we are looking at the letter F, and that stands for forgiving one another in genuine humility. willing to forgive one another in genuine humility. It was one author who said that forgiveness is not an elective in the curriculum of life. It is a required course, and the exams are always tough to pass. That is true. Forgiveness is not an elective. forgiveness is required in the life of the believer. Christ says, you're forgiving your brother.

Has nothing to do with faith, but has everything to do with your obedience to me. If I say, forgive your brother seven times a day, if he comes to you and repents, you do it without question. That's Luke 17. That's the moral of story. That's the groundwork for our discussion this evening. When it comes to understanding what it means to forgive one another in genuine humility. You see, when it comes right down to it in our marriages, there are certain things that we don't want to let go of. There are certain things we're not willing to forgive.

Take it outside your marriage. Take it to the church. Take it to the workplace. Take it to the playground. Take it to the school. People have offended us. and we hold a grudge. We're not willing to let it go. We're not willing to forgive our brother. We're not willing to forgive a family member. And Christ very succinctly says, I will let you know something. Your forgiveness or your forgiving of a brother has nothing to do with more faith because you have all the faith you need. What it requires is a willing spirit to be obedient.

to the word of God. Because I am your master, and you are my servants. Tonight, I want to give you seven principles that will help you understand the importance of forgiveness in your marriage. Number one is this.

It is a pattern we are commended to follow. Why do you forgive your spouse, their sins? in because it is a pattern that we are commanded to follow. Text, Ephesians, chapter 4, verse number 32. Says in verse number 31, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice and be kind to one another, tend to heart of forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven. you. It's God's forgiveness that makes it possible for you to forgive your spouse or your children or those in the church.

Because of what God has done, you are now able to forgive your brother his sin. The question comes, do you understand the forgiveness of God? God says in Exodus 34, verse number six, I am compassionate, slow to anger, a forgiving God.

Nehemiah 917 says, thou art a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love. Daniel records these words, forgiveness belongs to God. He extended forgiveness to the ones who ridiculed and mocked and hung him on the tree, because our God is a forgiving God. It's a pattern we are commanded to follow. Number two, it's a picture of Christ to the world.

It's a picture of Christ to the world. If you want the world to understand Christ, if you want the world to understand your God, You need to be a forgiving person. Third reading your Bible to Matthew chapter 9.

Matthew chapter 9, we have, of course, the book of Matthew. It's interesting to note that in this book, Matthew never speaks in the Gospels. He never asks a question. He never makes a comment, and he never appears. in any other incident except the one in Matthew chapter 9, verses 9 to 13. But he took a pen and began to write the words of Christ as the Spirit of God moved him and he gave us the very first gospel in the New Testament.

In fact, over in Matthew 10, verse number three, as he writes about the apostles, he says, Matthew, comma, the tax gatherer.

He is the only apostle associated with his occupation. The only one. Because to be a tax gatherer was a despicable occupation. Everybody hated tax gatherers except the tax gatherer himself. He loved himself because he was able to get as much money as he could skim off the top. But everybody hated the tax collector. He was worse than the sinner. It says in verse number nine, and as Jesus passed on from there, he saw a man called Matthew sitting in the tax office. He said to him, follow me. He rose and followed him.

And it happened that as he was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax gatherers and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, why is your teacher eating with tax gathers and sinners? But when he heard this, he said, there's not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means. I desire compassion and not sacrifice, for I do not come to call the righteous, but sinners.

I guess you have to ask yourself, am I concerned about how Christ is seen in my life to the world? If you're married to an unbelieving partner, am I concerned about how my unbelieving partner sees God? If you are, then you'll be one who forgives. If you're not, then forgiveness is something that you will neglect. Number three, forgiveness is the priority in caring for others.

It is a priority in caring for others. If you have your Bible, turn with me to Matthew chapter 18. Matthew chapter 18. Matthew 18 is a great chapter because it talks about the family of God and how we are to get along with one another in the family of God. Peter came and said to him, Lord, how often shall I shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to how many times? Seven times. See, Peter remembers. He says, Lord, remember a while back when you said that we're committed to forgive? And if your brother comes to you seven times and a day and he causes you to fall into a death trap and he repents and you were to forgive him because it's commanded and not because we need more faith?

He says, Lord, I learned from that. And I remember. But, Lord, I got a question. There is a limit on how much I forgive my brother, isn't there, Lord? Because I knew that when you said seven times in a day, that's what you meant. Because seven's the number of completion, seven's the number of perfection. So if we forgive seven times in a day, then we are perfect people, we are complete people, we are doing what you have commanded us to do. So if my brother sins, I forgive him up to seven times, right?

And Jesus said to him, I do not say to you up to seven times. what I thought that's what you said back in Luke 17 but up to 70 times seven Christ knowing what's in the disciples' mind and what's in our minds says this for this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a certain king who is to settle accounts with a slave when he had begun to settle them there was brought to him one who owed him 10,000 talents. Folks, that's millions of dollars. It's way out of bounds. No way he can pay it off.

But since he didn't have the means to repay, his Lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children, and all that he had, and repayment be made. This man owed the king so much money, he couldn't pay it back, so the king said, that's okay, I'm going to sell you, your wife, your kids, I'm selling everything you got. That won't pay for everything, but you know what? It'll take care of your debt. Slave therefore falling down and prostrate before him saying, have patience with me, and I will repay you everything.

And the Lord of the slave fell compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. Wow But that slave went out And found one of his fellow slaves who owed him A hundred denari a denari was a day's wage A hundred days wages Compared to 10,000 talents millions of dollars He seized him Begin to choke him saying Pay back what you owe You owe me a hundred days wages You got to give it back to me I deserve that. So his fellow slave fell down and began to entreat him saying, have patience with me and I will repay you the exact same words he said to the king.

He was unwilling, however, but went out and threw him in prison until I should pay back what he owed. So when his fellow slave saw, what had happened. What had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their Lord all that had happened. Then summing him, his Lord said to him, you wicked, you wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, even as I had mercy on you? And his Lord moved with anger, hand him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.

So shall my Heavenly Father also do to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart. That's pretty easy to understand. That parable doesn't take a five beta capital to interpret. Christ says, it is the priority in caring for your brother.

It demonstrates that you love him, that you have mercy on him, that you show compassion, and that's what I delight in. That's what I want to see happen in your life. The fourth thing I need you see about forgiveness. Number one, it's the pattern we're commanded to follow.

Number two, it's the picture of Christ of the world. Number three, it's a priority in caring for others.

Number four, it's the prerequisite. to communion with God. It is the prerequisite to communion with God. If you're in the book of Matthew, turn back with me to Matthew chapter 6, if you would. Most of us could recite the Lord's prayer, through the disciples' prayer by heart. We grew up in Sunday school of learning the disciples' prayer. But God only gives one commentary on that prayer in the Bible. that's right after it. And the commentary he gives is only about one phrase of that prayer. Because he knows how important it is.

He knows that forgiveness is the prerequisite to communion with him. That if you have an unforgiving spirit, communion in the fellowship with God is negated. So after he gives the disciples prayer, he says in verse number 14, if you forgive men for the transgressions, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your father will not forgive your transgressions. Now when you think about the implications of that, it's far-reaching. Because you've got to ask yourself, well, how can a Christian have unforgiven sins?

If I'm a Christian and God has separated my sins as far as the east is from the west, then how can Christ now come back and say, ah, but if you don't forgive your brother, I'm not going to forgive you. What does that mean? Very simple with this. He's not talking about your position in Christ. He's not talking about the fact that in the judicial sense of the word you have been forgiven of all your sins. He's talking about it in a relational sense. That is, in a communion sense, in a fellowship sense.

Let me tell you something. Do you know what enhances worship? A forgiving spirit. an unforgiving spirit hinders worship it hinders your communion with God it hinders your ability to hear what God's saying to you because your sin has separated you from your God next time you go to church and you don't really worship God you kind of go say well not much really happened today say you know what maybe there is someone I'm unwilling to forgive maybe I'm harboring a bitter spirit of my life against another brother or sister that that's true go and get it right that's why Christ said in Matthew 5 verses 23 and 24 if you go to worship me and you know your brother has something against you leave your gift of the altar here you are going to sacrifice your gift here you are going to ask forgiveness from God yet you know you have something against your brother and your own willing to forgive your brother Christ says stop right there drop your gift to the altar don't continue to worship you know what sometimes the worship of the church will be better this is how I say this if you stay home think about it sometimes the worship of our church will be better if you decide not to come that day because of the bitterness in your heart God says don't worship you can't worship me go be reconciled to your brother then come back in worship me say well what if what if what if they won't forgive me what if I go to them and I ask you know please forgive me for this you know I sin against you what they won't forgive me that's okay that's that's their issue what you have done has been obedient to Matthew 5 23 and 24 you have dropped your gift to the author you have gone to be reconciled to your brother that's why we say at the Lord's table don't come together and partake at the Lord's table unless you've got things right with your brother go get that right first and then partake of communion so say well what if I go ask forgiveness in the situation gets worse.

I got this for you. Usually it does. Usually it does get worse. But what you have done is that you have heaped burning coals of fire upon your brother because you have done the right thing and not the wrong thing. You've been obedient to God and that's what's important. I'd say, well, you know, wouldn't it be good if I just prayed about it? Answer to that is, no. pray for the right attitude yes pray for a right response yes but don't use prayer as an excuse well you know I'm still praying about it you don't have to pray about what God has commanded you to do you just have to do like Nike just do it because God commanded it right so you just do what God says do to pray about it You pray the process through, you go and be obeying to God and let God handle the fallout.

But at least you have done what God has said you need to do. Remember John 13 when Christ girded himself with a slave's apron and began to wash the disciples' feet? And Peter said to him, oh, you're not going to wash my feet. Not my Lord. And Christ says, if I don't bathe you, if I don't wash your feet, Peter, you have no part with me.

He says, oh, throw the whole kitten caboodle on me. Give me a bath, Lord. Clean me up. And Christ says, you don't need a bath, Peter.

I've already cleaned you. But you do need a daily cleansing, Peter. You do need a daily cleansing. You need to deal with those issues in your life that are sinful. Why? Because Peter, the prerequisite to communion with me comes because you have been cleansed from all of your sin. and you went to obey me in every area of the Word of God. This issue of forgiveness is the prerequisite to communion with Almighty God. If you feel like you don't have a relationship with the living God, if you feel like you're just kind of going through emotions, go back and ask yourself, where have I offended another brother and not sought reconciliation?

Or where am I harboring resentment toward another brother or sister and have not forgiven them? and you'll find that nine times out of ten that frees you up and all of a sudden things begin to change in your walk with the Lord. Number five, it's the process that clears my guilty conscience. It's the process that clears my guilty conscience you recall over in Psalm 32. Verse number one, how blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven whose sin is covered.

How blessed it is a man to whom the Lord does not impute and whose spirit there was no deceit when I kept silent about my sin my body wasted away through my groaning all day long for day and night thy hand was heavy upon me David's talking about his sin with Bashiba his sin against Jariah the Hittite whom he murdered who was the wife of Bashiba Psalm 32 was written when David was going through those nine months where Bashiba was pregnant and he was unconfessed up that I can say it that way he had not dealt with sin before God.

He says, God's hand was heavy upon me. My body was wasting away. My whole cyclatory system, my whole lymphatic system. Everything about me was not working. I was a sick man. My vitality, verse 4, was drained away as with the fever, heat of summer. Everything about my life was wrong. Why? Because I sinned against Jariah. I sinned. I sinned against Bashiba and I sinned against my God and he was guilty and he knew it. In an order for that guilt to be cleansed he says in verse number five I acknowledge my sin to thee in my iniquity I did not hide and I said I will confess my transgression to the Lord and thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.

God says my guilty conscience was cleansed. because I went to God and I ask forgiveness. If you read 2 Corinthians 2, verses 10 and 11, Paul says, listen, you've got to forgive your brother. If you don't forgive your brother, you give an opportunity for Satan to have a foothold in your church. If you don't forgive your brother, guess what? You give individually a Satan the opportunity to have a foothold in your life. That's why Paul said in Ephesians 4, 26, and 27, be angry and yet do not sin. Do not let Son go down upon your anger and do not give the devil opportunity.

Paul says, listen, if you're angry, don't let the sun go down upon your wrath. Because if you let the sun go down upon your anger and you don't get reconciled with your brother, you have just given the devil an opportunity to work in your life. And if you don't deal with those issues, guess what? Paul said in second to second and two versus ten and eleven, Satan takes advantage of you.

And he does. He works in your life to destroy your life. And so David, understanding that, would go to God and ask for you. for forgiveness, acknowledge his sin, and all of a sudden the guilt, not only sin, but the guilt that it produced, was gone. Number six, it is the practice that's characteristic of the Christian. It is the practice that is characteristic of the Christian. The perfect illustration of Acts chapter 7 with the stoning of Stephen. Remember when he had preached the gospel and was true to the Word of God and the people who heard him so angry with him that they clenched their teeth and they ran at him covering their ears because they didn't want to hear anything else he had to say about Jesus, the Messiah, and that how they had killed the prophets who came before him, and how they had killed their only Messiah.

So they ran after him, they chased them out of the city, and they stoned him. And as they were stoning him, his eyes looked up into glory and he said, Lord, do not hold this against them. It's the practice that's characteristic of the Christian. Matthew 5 speaks of it this way in verses 43 and 44. As you understand what Christ says about those of us who have been persecuted, he says in Matthew 5, verse number 43, these words, You have heard that it was said, you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy, but I say to you, love your neighbor.

enemies and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your father who is in heaven. And lastly, and I must hurry, it predicate your comprehension of God's sovereignty. It predicate your comprehension of God's sovereignty. The perfect illustration of that is the life of Joseph. Nothing affirms the fact, nothing declares the fact more, that you believe in God's sovereign control of your life than to offer and extend forgiveness to those who harmed you. The perfect illustration is the life of Joseph in Genesis chapter 50 when his brothers came to him after his father died realizing that oh oh dad's dead Joseph is going to get us now that dad's gone nothing is going to keep Joseph from throwing us in prison and getting rid of our lives and Joseph says these words in verse number 19 do not be afraid for I am in God's place and as for you you've been evil against me but God in the it for good in order to bring about this present result to preserve many people alive.

So therefore, do not be afraid I will provide for you and your little ones. So I comfort them and spoke kindly to them. That's one who understood God's sovereign control in his life. Do you?