God's Counsel for Couples, Part 5

Tonight, I want to talk to you about the one thing you need to do, which is the one thing you don't want to do, but you'll have to do if you want to be like Christ. In order to make your marriage what God wants it to be. If you've been with us, you know that we have been looking at God's hope for your home, and we are in a section entitled God's Counsel for Couples. And this is part number five, I believe it is. The first one, we said that you need to acknowledge God as a divine.

priority. That is number one. If you're going to have a marriage that honors and glorifies the Lord Jesus Christ, God must be that divine priority in the husband's life as well as the wife's life. Tonight, we want to talk about what it means to do that one thing in your marriage that you don't want to do, what you're going to need to do. We've entitled it to expend yourself in selfless ministry. To expend yourself in selfless ministry. I'm sure if I was to ask you a question, do you want to be like Jesus Christ?

I'm sure that all of you would some degree raise your hand and say, yes, of course, I want to be Godlike. I want to be like Christ. And the Bible says that the disciples had come together and were arguing about who was going to be greatest in the kingdom, Christ told them that the son of man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.

He said, the crux of my ministry is this, I did not come to earth for you to serve me. I came to earth to serve you. I came to earth to minister to you. I came to earth to meet your needs. I came to earth to do for you what you cannot. do yourself in order that you might be like me think about that in your marriage when you get married your objective is to do for your spouse for them those things they cannot do and to expend yourself in selfless ministry by giving yourself away you see the greatest thing about the life of Christ was not in the life that he lived but in the life that he gave away.

Because you see, the living of his life never saved anybody. He could have performed all kinds of miracles, which he did. He could have done a whole bunch of more miracles. But that's not the answer. He had to give his life away. And in the giving away of that life, what he did for you and me is something beyond comprehension. He modeled to us what it means to live the Christ's life. like life. Philippians 2, you know the text very well. Verse number six. It says, or verse number five, have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus, who although he existed in the form of God, did not require equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a bond servant.

He emptied himself. It's that great connosis, the emptying of himself, the laying aside his divine. find attributes, willingly, to become a man, to become 100% man for people like you and me. And being made in lightness of men and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death, on a cross. That's our Lord. He lived the kind of life that he wants us to follow. he's the supreme example of humility he's the supreme example of what it means to give your life away the king of kings is one who needs to be served not serve but our lord was one who gave his life for the service of man John 15 13 says that greater love hath no man than this that a man laid down his life for his friend He give his life away.

The greatest way you can demonstrate love to your spouse is to give your life away. That's the greatest way you can do it. Ultimately, it's death, but the bottom line is, most of us aren't willing to give up a nap in the afternoon for our spouse. We're not willing to give up a paycheck for our spouse. We're not willing to give up the newspaper or reading the newspaper to be with our spouse. and yet God says I came to give my life away in a world that emphasizes self-preservation that emphasizes promotion Christ's admonition runs counter against everything we believe or want to believe or want to do in our lives and yet Christ says you've got to give yourself away in fact 1st John 2 6 says if you abide him, then you ought to walk even as he himself walked.

That is, you need to mimic the life of Christ. So if you are an abider in Christ, if you are a follower of Christ, then it should be your ambition to walk as Jesus himself walked. The question is, if you're going to walk as he walked, what are you giving away that he might be honored and glorified? Tonight, I want to talk about how to have. have a great marriage. And that great marriage centers around giving your life away for your spouse. That'll model so much to your children that they see you selflessly give up your time, give up your hobbies, give up your monies, give up some of your pet peeves in order to minister to them and come alongside of them.

You say, well, if I do that, won't I just become a dormant? Won't they just walk all over me? Yeah, probably. Like they walked all over Christ. But if we're not into self-preservation, if we're going to give it our lives away, there's a great thing we can learn. And tonight I want to talk to you about that. I get just four points. First one is this.

There is an overriding principle. Once you look at that overriding principle, We will look at the overbearing problem.

And then we'll look at the overlapping precept. And then lastly, the overwhelming prospect. First of all, the overriding principle.

If you have your Bible, turn with me to the book of Acts 20th chapter. Acts chapter 20. We have Paul's last words, parting words to the Ephesian elders. He administered with them for three years. and Paul quotes Christ in Acts 20, verse number 35. He says this. In everything, I showed you that by working hard, in this manner, you must help the week. And remember the words of our Lord Jesus, that he himself said, it is more blessed to give than to receive. Now think about that. that for a moment. The blessed life centers around not how much you get, but how much you give.

That's the blessed life. And the Lord Jesus Christ modeled that, didn't he? He came to give his life away. And the reward for this kind of ministry is spelled out in verses 36 and the following. And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And they began to weep aloud and embraced Paul and repeatedly kissed him, grieving, especially over the word which he had spoken that they should see his face no more. These people were in love with this man. They admired this man.

They cared for this man. And now he was going to leave. And they grieved deeply because he gave his life away. You know, I'm sure that there are many marriages if the husband was going to leave, the wife wouldn't grieve. She'd be saying, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Because he would never give himself away for his wife. Or even vice versa. If the lady said, hey, listen, I'm out of here. You'd say goodbye. So long, sign hour. Who cares? Why? Because if you give yourself away, nobody wants to be left empty.

And they'll be empty without you. you. And Paul says, remember the words of our Lord Jesus. It's more blessed to give than it is to receive. So the overriding principle is what? Giving. Just give. Give, give, give, give, give. You say, wait a minute. If I just keep on giving, then what am I going to get? That's point number two.

The overbearing problem. Getting. Getting. That's the problem. I need to receive something. I need to receive affirmation. I need to receive gifts. I need to receive something in return. There's got to be give and take in a marriage, doesn't there? You know, no, there doesn't have to be given take in a marriage. There has to be giving in the marriage, not taking in a marriage. But we're designed that way to get something in return. And if we just keep giving and given and given and given and don't get, we'll find someone else that will give back to us.

That's why people have affairs, and that's why people commit adultery and walk out of their spouse. But in 1st Corinthians 13, if you have your Bible turn there with me, if you would for a moment. There's a phrase here, I think, is very important. 280 words in 1st Corinthians 13 that give us the greatest treaty on love in the Bible. It's foreign to us because our natural tendency is to look out for me, not to look out for someone else. But the Bible says, 1st Corinthians 13, verse number 5, love does not seek its own.

That is, true love, biblical love, Agaphao kind of love, is the kind of love that never seeks its own. So if I love somebody, the way Christ loved the church, if I love my spouse the way God has designed me to love them, I'm never going to seek my own desires. Because I'm going to give myself away. That's what love does. Love gives itself away. Love is sacrificial. I'll talk about this on Sunday. It's volitional. It's unconditional. It's sacrificial. It's beneficial. It's emotional. And ultimately, it's eternal.

True love is. and so love Paul says never seeks its own the Phillips translation says love is never selfish that's a good translation love is never selfish but in a me-centered man-centered society an ego driven society we believe that my individual rights and my demands need to be met and therefore we put demands on our spouse to meet our needs. So the overbearing problem is I've got to receive. I've got to get something in return for all my efforts. There's got to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

There's got to be a reward someplace, something tangible that I can get my hands on. That'll keep me going. And if we don't get it, then we stop giving. in the moment you stop giving in your marriage is the moment you stop being blessed in your marriage. God will bless you if you give because it's more blessed to give than it is to receive. Point number three.

The overlapping precept. is this going going go First Corinthians First Corinthians 14 First number one says this Pursue love Pursue it go after it You see, here's the precept.

It overlaps everything. If you've got a problem with getting, you've got to go. You've got to go to your spouse. You've got to give yourself away. You've got to pursue love. You've got to go after it. That is, you are pursuing what God has called you to do. So you go. Instead of standing by and waiting, for something to happen, go. Go do. Love is an action, verb. So therefore, you need to step out and take the initiative. For God's the love he gave. For God's the love he came. Could you imagine God's saying from heaven, I love you, I love you.

Oh, earth, I love you so much. Come to me. come on you can do it come come on all in the way right here to you come can you imagine God doing that he knows we're not going to do that so what does he do he goes he goes and when he goes and when he goes he gives everything away because he knows that's what love is all about See, the most of us will say that we love our spouse, but have not the foggiest idea what that means. Because we look at love as an emotion.

And there is emotion in love. But it's not the end-all-be-all to love. And we need to understand that. You need to grasp that whole pursuit. Pursue love. In other words, pursue First Corinthians 13.

There are no chapter divisions in the original. So if you just pick it up, it says, but now abide, faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these are love, so pursue love. That's how it works. Pursue it. Go after it. Do what you need to do. Do these things. Don't seek your own interests. Don't keep a record of wrongdoing. Because love keeps no record of wrongdoing, first question 13 says.

Love is patient, love is kind, love is gentle. Pursue those things. You say, but I can't. Usually it's, I don't want to, but I'll phrase it this way, I can't do that. Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Do you know how I know that you can? Turn me to the book of Romans in the fifth chapter. Listen to what it says. Hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. God's spirit is in us. God has poured out his love into us. That says, I am able to do what God says I have to do.

You think God's going to ask you to do something that you can't accomplish? I mean, Secretary of 1-4 says that we are partakers of the divine nature, right? That is, we have God's nature in us. The love of God has been poured out in our hearts. 2nd Corinthians says that I will dwell in them and will walk in them Paul said in second of the 17 that we don't have we have not received the spirit of timidity but of power and of love and of a sound mind so what God has done is equipped us with the power to love the power to go the power to do exactly what the word says based on the spirit of God operating in it through our lives so we can never say I can't do that that.

Why? Because God says you can. Because God has equipped you with what you need to accomplish everything that he has asked you to do. Pursue love. The fruit of the spirit is what? You know what? Love. Glacians 522. The fruit of the spirit is love. The way the spirit of God manifests himself in us is through our love life, the giving ourselves away. So God has equipped you to do exactly what he asked you to do. So instead of saying, I can't do that, it really should be said, I don't want to do that.

And that's usually the answer, isn't it? We don't want to do it. If you knew how they treated me, you wouldn't do it either. You're right. I don't know how they treated you. I don't know how your husband treats you. you. I don't know how your wife treat you, but I know how they treated Jesus, and I know what he did, and he's the example. He's the model. So-and-so's marriage is not the model. This person over here, their marriage is not the model. Your parents are not the model. Jesus Christ is the model.

He is the one we pattern our lives after. Not our parents, our grandparents, our best friends. It's Jesus Star Lord, who has commanded us to be obedient to his word. Do what God says.

Give yourself away because it's more pleasant to give than it is to receive. Just keep giving. And yet for most of us, we just don't want to do that. And I understand that. I do. Because I, you know, when I'm cardinal, I'm the same way, man. I act in a carnal ways, and I want my wife to do for me and come through for me. And I got to do some checks and balances on my own life. and examine my life according to the scriptures to see where I am in terms of ministry. I want my kids to come through for me.

I want my kids to affirm me. I'm just like you are. But I can I realize the less I look at me and the more I look at them, the less I look at me and the more I look at my wife, the more I realize my responsibility to do what God says.

And then it's my job to enact that, to do it. And I've always found this, to be true. That whenever God says for me to do something and I do it, even though I don't feel I do it or don't want to do it, he always blesses my life.

Always. And that's our fourth point. The overwhelming prospect. The overwhelming prospect is gaining. Gaining. You can't. can't give in order to gain. You have to give because God said so. No matter what happens, but you always gain. That's the end product. And that is what Christianity is all about. Christ gave us life away for the salvation of a multitude of people. If you love your life, you lose your life. See, loving yourself and loving your life pays no dividends. Serving and giving your life away pays eternal dividends.

And Christ was saying that if you want to be kingly, You want to be kingly? Men, you want to be king in your house? You want to be kingly? It's not in the coronation, but the crucifixion of your life. That makes you king. That's what Jesus was saying. He was going to give his life away. So that man would benefit. The overwhelming prospect is gaining. in Mark chapter 10 it says this Peter began to say to him behold we have left everything and followed you and Jesus said truly I say to you there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or forms for my sake and for the gospel sake but that he shall receive a hundred times as much now in the present age houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms along with persecutions and in the age of coming eternal life But many who are first will be last and the last first.

God says, listen, if you leave it for me, if you give your life away, for me, you will gain. You always will gain. Over in Luke, chapter 6, verse number 38, give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaking together, running over, they will. pour into your lap for by your standard of measure it will be measured to you and return if you give and you give your life away the byproduct of that is so great you will never be able to comprehend it because God says he who honors me I will honor today I want to go see a a lady in our church who's going home to be with the Lord.

You know who she is? Her name is Jerry Ivory. And I walked into the bedroom of the ivory home and there she was hooked up to her ventilator machine. Hines were closed. And I walked in and I said, Jerry. Jerry, it's Lance. She opened her eyes and she put her arms out she says oh lance come here it's so good to see you and she hugged me and i hugged her she says i didn't think i didn't think you were going to make it oh i said jerry i wouldn't miss it she says i didn't think i'd see it before i went home to be with the lord i said jerry don't worry i'm going to be home with the lord with you one day too we'll spend eternity you together.

And she said to me, well, if you don't start behaving a little bit better, I'll never see you again. I left that home today. You know, I realized, I've gained mothers, sisters, brothers. Here's a woman who's like a mother to me, who loves me dearly. I left there a blessed man. because she gave to me. I gained because she gave. And I praise God for what he's done. That's just a small way of saying, listen, if you give your life away, God promises, I will give in return. I will give in my time and I will give in my way.

But be assured of this. You will receive beyond anything you can ever imagine. from me