How to Find a Wife, Part 4

This morning we want to conclude our study on Genesis chapter 24, How to Find a Wife and Keep Her. This will be our fourth message in Genesis 24, but Lord willing, we will finish it today. We began by looking at the first principle in How to Find a Wife and Keep Her, and that was to contemplate the ways of Almighty God.

That was number one. We needed to understand that God is sovereign, God rules over all, God controls all things, and therefore, we need to recognize that God is in the process of appointing a man, appointing a woman for us, and Abraham, we saw, recognized God as the creator, as the sovereign designer of the universe, and that God would have a wife for his son from his relatives. He sent his servant to go find that wife, and that servant would know that there was an appointed woman for Isaac. And twice in Genesis 24, he mentions the word, the woman appointed for Isaac.

And so we started by saying, you need to contemplate the ways of Almighty God and how He orchestrates the events of life. You've got to believe in God's sovereign call upon your life. You've got to believe in the providential plan of God and trust Him to accomplish His purposes. Number two, after you contemplate the ways of God, you capitulate to the word of God.

Your life is in total submission to God's holy word. You need to understand that when God says you can't marry the unbeliever, as Abraham would tell a servant, do not take a bride for my son from the Canaanite people.

They are a pagan people. You cannot do that. God gives specific designs and decrees in Scripture that says you can't do this, you can't do that. In order to have a marriage that honors God, in order to find the wife that God wants you to marry, you must submit to the word of God in every situation. No matter what God's word says, you believe it. You submit to it. You obey it. That's what makes your marriage strong. That's what makes you understand God's will for your life. And so you capitulate to the word of God.

You contemplate the ways of God. And then, number three, you concentrate on the will of God. You concentrate on the will of God. Remember that you can never validate the will of God if you violate the word of God. That is so important to understand. People are looking for the will of God, but they live in disobedience to the word of God. While you are violating God's word, you'll never validate God's will, because God is going to open the doors and bless your life as you submit to His word. And then, number four, you cooperate by waiting on God.

And we saw where the servant would sit in silence as he watched this woman, Rebecca, water his camels. Now, camels drink up to 25 gallons of water. 25 times 10, if my math is correct, is 250 gallons of water. If this woman had a one-gallon jug, that would take her many hours to water 10 camels. And so here was this servant sitting back and observing this woman, Rebecca, taking this water and giving drink to these camels, and then to be able to begin to ask her some pointed questions, where are you from?

Who's your family? And lo and behold, it was from Abraham's relatives. Everything was working out just as he had prayed, just as God had designed it to work out, but he had to wait upon God. And one of the problems that we have in our lives is learning to wait upon God to show us what to do. You need to cooperate by waiting upon God. We want to pray about something and get up and then go do it automatically, without waiting upon God to orchestrate the plans of life, that we might see what's taking place.

That's why it says, trust in the Lord in Proverbs 3, 5 and 6, with all your heart, lean not into your own understanding and all your ways acknowledging Him, and He will direct your paths. He will make your paths smooth. He will take out all the obstacles, but we want to run and knock down the obstacles instead of letting God remove the obstacles from our lives, learning to wait upon Him. I think of the nation of Israel, who failed to wait upon God. It says in Psalm 106, verse number 13, they quickly forgot His works.

They did not wait for His counsel. And how many people do you know, maybe you're one of them, who are so empty that you feel like your soul is just wasting away, because you refuse to wait on the counsel of the Lord. Cooperate by waiting upon God. If you prayed for God to do something, why don't you wait and let Him do it, right? It's like your kid asking you to come help put together something they're doing for school or for some kind of project, and they asked you to come help, so you sit down to help them and they say, no, that's not how you do it, let me do it.

You say, wait a minute, did you ask for my help? If you asked for my help, then let me do it. But no, they want to do it. They don't want to wait to see what you can do. They want to show you what they can do, and that's how we are with God, right? We don't want to wait for God to do what God's going to do, we want to tell God what to do. We want to show God how to do it. And all of a sudden, we find ourselves in a very difficult predicament. Cooperate by waiting upon God. That's where we left off.

And now let me give you the final four elements that help you find a wife and keep her. Number five is this, celebrate by worshiping God. Celebrate by worshiping God. The Bible says in verse number 26, then the man bowed low and worshiped the Lord, and he said, blessed be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his loving kindness and his truth toward my master as for me.

The Lord has guided me in the way to the house of my master's brothers. And then over in verse number 48, it says this, and I bowed low and worshiped the Lord and blessed the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who had guided me in the right way to take the daughter of my master's kinsman for his son. Then down in verse number 52, and it came about when Abraham's servant heard their words that he bowed himself to the ground before the Lord. The servant was a worshiper, and he wanted to celebrate the fact that God had answered prayer, that God had worked in his life.

And he wanted to celebrate that, so he bowed down and worshiped God and blessed his holy name and praised him for what he had done. Listen, we need to be people who praise our God. We need to be people who live a life of celebration to our God. You see, it's one thing to get an answer to prayer, sit back and praise God. I mean, most of us can do that, right? We sit back and say, oh man, God, do this, please do this, work out everything according to your will, and I'll follow you, and he does, and we celebrate God and we praise him.

But when things don't work out as we have planned, what do we do? You see, part of finding a wife and keeping her, part of maintaining a marriage that honors and glorifies God is to live a life that celebrates God by worshiping him, by honoring him, by praising his glorious name. Listen, praise elevates you to the divine perspective. Do you know that praise is that one element of your spiritual life that's going to help you see things from God's perspective? We miss that. Celebrate by worshiping God.

Bow yourself before him and say, thank you, God. I bless you for what you have done. I thank you for answering my prayer. Even though you answered it, no, I want to thank you for that. Let me tell you something.

There is freedom when that happens. But when God says no, or when circumstances dictate that things aren't working out as you designed them to in your own mind, do you praise God, do you celebrate by worshiping God?

Granted, the servant was celebrating God because God had answered his prayer. Everything had happened just as he asked it to be, and sure enough, there it was, and boy, I mean, he bowed low before his God. He wasn't going to forget about that. He wasn't going to forget about his God amidst all that. After all, he committed everything to God, and boy, I tell you, he was ecstatic about what God had done. But on the flip side of that, in your marriage, when things aren't working out like you want them to work out, are you a person of praise?

You celebrate by worshiping God, bowing down before him, thanking him in all things and for all things. Or do you become resentful and bitter, unforgiving, angry kind of person that eats away at your soul? We're to be a people of praise. Do you know Philippians 4, 8 says that we are to think on the things that are praiseworthy. Did you know that? We are to be consumed with things that are praiseworthy. And I just wrote some things down in my Bible about what we can praise the Lord about. His righteousness, Psalm 7.

His everlasting lovingkindness, Ezra 3, 11. His power, Psalm 21, verse number 13. His goodness, Psalm 135, verse number 3. His greatness, Psalm 66, verses 3 and 4. His glory, Ephesians 1, verses 6, 12, and 14. The Bible says that we are to praise the Lord forever.

We are to praise the Lord until our death. We are to praise the Lord from the rising of the sun to its setting. We are to praise the Lord morning, noon, and night. Our life is to be consumed with praise. And yet, so many times, our life is consumed with a complaining, bitter, angry spirit about what's not happening my way. And then we wonder why our marriages are bad. We wonder why we can't find God's will for our lives. It's because that sin has separated us from our God so much so that He does not hear us.

Celebrate by worshiping God. Cooperate by waiting upon God. Concentrate on the will of God. Capitulate to the Word of God. Contemplate the ways of God. Number six, calculate the work of God. Calculate the work of God. That is, the work of God in the individual you're looking to marry, in the family of the individual you're looking to marry. Let me read it to you.

Verse number 28, Genesis 24. Then the girl ran and told her mother's household about these things. Now Rebekah had a brother whose name was Laban. And Laban ran outside to the man of the spring. And it came about that when he saw the ring and the bracelets on his sister's wrist, and when he heard the words of Rebekah, his sister saying, this is what the man said to me, he went to the man. And behold, he was standing by the camels at the spring. And he said, come in, blessed of the Lord. Why do you stand outside since I have prepared the house and a place for the camels?

So the man entered the house. Then Laban unloaded the camels, and he gave straw and feed to the camels, and water to wash his feet, and the feet of the men who were with him. And when food was set before him to eat, he said, I will not eat until I have told my business. The servant wanted to make sure that the family understood what was happening, because he needed to be able to observe how God was going to work in their lives. And he said, speak on. So he said, I am Abraham's servant, and the Lord has greatly blessed my master so that he has become rich, and he has given him flocks and herds and silver and gold and servants and maids and camels and donkeys.

Now Sarah, my master's wife, bore a son to my master in her old age, and he has given him all that he has. And my master made me swear, saying, you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live, but you shall go to my father's house and to my relatives and take a wife for my son. And I said to my master, suppose the woman does not follow me. And he said to me, the Lord before whom I have walked will send his angel with you to make your journey successful, and you will take a wife for my son from my relatives and from my father's house.

Then you will be free from my oath when you come to my relatives. And if they do not give her to you, you will be free from my oath. So I came today to the spring, and I said, oh, Lord, the God of my master Abraham, if now that will make my journey on which I go successful, behold, I am standing by the spring. And may it be that the maiden whom, the maiden, excuse me, who comes out to draw unto whom I say, please let me drink a little water from your jar.

And she will say to me, you drink, and I will draw for your camels also. Let her be the woman whom the Lord has appointed for my master's son. Before I'd finished speaking in my heart, behold, Rebecca came out with her jar on her shoulder and went down to the spring and drew. And I said to her, please let me drink.

And she quickly lowered her jar from her shoulder and said, drink, and I will water your camels also. So I drank, and she watered the camels also. Then I asked her and said, whose daughter are you? And she said, the daughter of Bethuel, nay, our son, whom Milchah bore to him. And I put the ring on her nose and the braces on her wrist, and I bowed low and worshipped the Lord and blessed the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who had guided me in the right way to take the daughter of my master's kinsman for his son.

So now, if you are going to deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me. And if not, let me know that I may turn to the right hand or to the left.

He says, listen, is this going to happen or not? If it's not going to happen, as God has prescribed it, I'm out of here. It's over, it's done. I want to know what you're going to do. Now, he had just given all the background. He'd gone into great detail, and we told you before, the Scripture reiterates the detail because the Scriptures are very clear that God is specifically working in the life of Rebekah, in the life of the servant, in the life of Abraham, in the life of Isaac, in the life of Laban, in the life of Bethul.

He's working in everybody's life. And so, as you're looking to find a wife, then you want to calculate the work of God in that individual's life and in the life of that family. Why? Because whether you like it or not, when you get married, you marry the family to some degree. You marry into that family, and that family marries into you. And you got to remember that. And how that individual was raised is going to play a big part in their belief structure on how they live their lives. Does this family see God working in and among them?

Does the person you want to marry see God working in and among that individual? Are they receptive to God's leading? Do they want God's will for their life? Or are they close to that? Are they more enthralled with you as a person than they are with God as a creator? Those are things you need to see. Calculate the work of God in their lives. How do they respond to the Lord's leading? We praise God for what He's done because, you know, when you marry an individual, that mother and father of that individual become very instrumental in the entire marriage process.

And so, you got to make sure that those people are going to be involved in your life and you want their input. And they're the kind of people that value God. The servant said, are you with me? Do you believe that God's called this woman? Do you believe that I am here to honor God? Do you see how God has worked? Do you see the same thing I see, Laban? Do you see the same thing I see, Bethuel? Rebecca, do you see the same thing that I see? Very important because Rebecca would have to be convinced this was God's will for her life.

She'd never seen Isaac. She'd probably never been away from her family for all of her years, however many they may be, and now she was going to take a journey with a stranger to meet a man she would marry who she's never seen, to be a mother of a multitude of people. She had to make sure that God was at work in her life. Listen to verse number 50. Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, the matter comes from the Lord, so we cannot speak to you bad or good. Behold, Rebecca is before you. Take her and go.

Let her be the wife of your master's son as the Lord has spoken. Isn't that good? And it came about when Abraham's servant heard their words that he bowed himself to the ground before the Lord. What else could he do? Oh, God, you're so good. Look what you have done, Lord. He bowed and worshiped God again. And the servant brought out articles of silver and articles of gold and garments and gave them to Rebecca. He also gave precious things to her brother and to her mother. Then he and the men, you know, I'm going to go back and look at that for a moment because that's very interesting.

He didn't bring it out before he asked them. He brought it out after he asked them. And they agreed. He didn't want to manipulate them into thinking, wow, this guy is so rich, man. He's got everything. He's got a nice car. He's got a nice house. He got a good income. Man, that's great security for my daughter. It's great. No, he didn't do that. He brought it out after they had already agreed. Very important. And then it says in verse number 54, then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night.

When they arose in the morning, he said, send me away to my master. But her brother and her mother said, let the girl stay with us a few days, say 10, afterwards she may go. Uh-oh, got a glitch. Wait a minute. Yesterday you agreed. Today you want her to stay with you 10 more days before she goes? Ain't going to happen. Listen, if you know the will of God, never compromise. Listen to the servant. He said to them, do not delay me. I love that. Don't delay me. Don't stand in God's way. Don't try to play God.

He says, don't delay me. Since the Lord has prospered my way, send me away that I may go to my master. And they said, we will call the girl and consult her wishes. Then they called Rebecca and said to her, will you go with this man? Here's the clincher. Are you going to go with him? What did she say? I'm out of here, man. I'm gone. I'm a goner. I will go. Thus, they sent away their sister Rebecca and her nurse with Abraham's servant and his men. And they blessed Rebecca and said to her, listen to what they say.

May you, our sister, become thousands of ten thousands. They didn't know about God's covenant with Abraham and his seed. But look how God is working. Again, to confirm in the servant's mind, the work of God in their lives. That without them even knowing about the covenant of God with Abraham, that God was doing a work. And they would even confirm that in their blessing of Rebecca. And may your descendants possess the gait of those who hate them. Wow. Calculate the work of God. You know, sometimes we like to calculate all kinds of things, except the work of God.

But that's the most important thing in your marriage. Is God at work? God's always at work. But do you see God at work? And if you're going to marry someone, if you're going to maintain a marriage that honors the Lord once you've married them, then you must begin to sit down and calculate the work of God because it gives you assurance. It gives you a sense of security that God is doing all that he promised. Number seven, cultivate your walk with God. Cultivate your walk with God. Verse number 61, then Rebecca arose with her maids and they mounted the camels and followed the man.

So the servant took Rebecca and departed. Now Isaac had come from going to Be'er Lehoroi and he was living in the Negev. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening. Stop right there. But here is a man who spends his time cultivating his walk with God. Did he know about what his father had done? Yeah, probably so. Here's a man who went out to meditate in the fields. Here's a man who went out to spend time with his God, to learn to trust his God. You know, if you're going to find a wife and keeper, you gotta cultivate your walk with God.

If your walk with God is mediocre, your marriage is mediocre. If your walk with God is failing, your marriage is going to fail. Because your marriage is primarily a picture of Christ to the world. And if you're not living the Christ-like life, then you don't know how to be the partner God wants you to be. And you gotta ask yourself the question, am I growing spiritually? Am I closer to God today than I was yesterday? Am I walking with God? If you're looking for a spouse, then you've got to see whether or not they are cultivating their walk with God.

Are you cultivating your walk with the Lord? In your marriage today, are you spending time with God? Are you spending time receiving from God what he wants you to know? That you might be all that God wants you to be? Listen, you need to cultivate your walk with God. That is going to make you more like Christ. And the more like Christ, the greater your marriage. There's one last principle that will help you find a wife and a keeper. Consecrate your wife to God. Consecrate your wife to God. As Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening, he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, camels were coming.

And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel. And she said to the servant, who is that man walking in the field to meet us? The servant said, he's my master. Hey, he's the man. This is the guy you're coming to unite with. I mean, this is what we've come for. He's it, he's my master. Then she took her veil and comforted herself. Servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. Then Isaac brought her into his mother, Sarah's tent. They took Rebekah. She became his wife, and he loved her.

Thus, Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. A little phrase, and he loved her. Great phrase. He consecrated his wife to God. But see, we've devalued love. So when our wife gets a little old, we trade her in and get a new model, a younger model. She doesn't do what she needs to do, we get rid of her. We discard her because she's no longer doing for me. The true biblical understanding of love is that I'm going to sacrifice for her no matter what. I'm going to consecrate my wife to God. I'm going to set her apart for God's purposes, and I'm going to give myself to her.

Now you love your wife. Ephesians 5 tells us that a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. How's that? By sacrificing for her, by sanctifying her, setting her apart for his use, by satisfying her. For no man ever loved or hated his own body, but nurtures it and cherishes it. And that's how you are to love your wife, nurture her and cherish her. We've let Hollywood dictate to us what love is instead of letting the words of Scripture dictate to us what love is. We need to love our wives, gentlemen.

Wives, you need to love your husband, not like you love your job, not even like you love your kids, not like you love your dog, not like you love your favorite meal. You love them as God said, by giving your life away. That's love. And then you're going to have a great marriage. Oh, just give your life away, just keep giving it away. And you're going to have the best marriage ever. Why? Because now you're doing what Jesus Christ himself did. He demonstrated his love when? While we were sinners. While we were filthy, rotten, wretched, depraved, unloving people.

That's when he demonstrated his love. And people say, I can't love my, if you knew my husband, I can't love him. Yes, you can. If he is wretched and depraved and unregenerate and ugly, then you've got the best opportunity to demonstrate love to him. Now, if he was handsome, if he provided for you, if he took care of you, it'd be easy to love him, because he did for you. But that's not love. Love is sacrificial giving, the giving away of myself so the other one will understand who God really is. That's love.

And boy, I tell you, that's what's going to make your marriage take off and be all that God wants it to be. And then, not only will you find a wife, but you will keep her until death do you part. Let's pray.