How to Find a Wife, Part 3

If you have your Bible, I would invite you to turn with me to Genesis chapter 24 as we continue our study on how to find a wife and keep her.

And some of you are saying, how come you're spending so much time talking about this? How come you just can't read the story in Genesis 24, make a few comments, and let's go home? Well, the bottom line is, I think it's very important on the person you choose to marry. I think that's very important. In fact, one of the worst things in all the world is marrying the wrong person. I mean, that's so detrimental, that I want to make sure you marry the right one. And then once you marry them, I want you to make sure you understand exactly what the Word of the Lord says about your relationship to the Lord Jesus Christ, and how you maintain a marriage that magnifies the name of Jesus Christ our Lord.

That's very important. With all the marriages that are falling apart, not only in our churches across America, but just in general, people need to understand what the Bible says, what the Master Architect says about the marriages.

And He designed marriage, and so we want to make sure we understand what the Word of the Lord says. In fact, the Spirit of God gave us 67 verses about how to find a wife. And we've told you before that this is the longest recorded episode in the book of Genesis outside the account of the flood. So, God is very concerned that you understand the principles that are here, that you would be able to choose the right one, as well as to maintain a marriage that honors and glorifies the Lord. So, we started a couple of weeks ago by helping you understand that there are eight underlying principles that govern how you choose a wife, and how you keep that wife, or on the opposite side of that, how to choose a husband and keep that man.

And the very first one is to contemplate the ways of God. Abraham was a man who saw God as the God of heaven and the God of earth. And Abraham was a man who would sit back and understand that God brought him from where he was back in Ur of the Chaldees to where he was this day in Genesis 24. And the servant of Abraham would begin then to understand the ways of God. And so, if we're going to have a marriage that honors God, if we're going to be able to somehow find the person God wants us to marry, we have got to, number one, contemplate the ways of Almighty God.

And then, number two, the second principle is to capitulate to the Word of God, to understand that God has laid forth the commands in Scripture.

And in order for us to be what God wants us to be, we need to submit to the Word of God. And the servant received one command from Abraham, and that specifically was this, that you cannot take a wife from the Canaanite people. And that was God's command throughout the Old Testament. Don't marry the pagan people. Don't intermarry with the unbeliever. The bottom line is, just do what God says.

And so, you know, if you're going to have a marriage that honors the Lord, then you capitulate to the Word of God. You say, whatever God says, that's all I'm going to do.

If God says forgive, I forgive. If God says love, I'm going to love, because that's a great command. And watch what God does in and through your life, and in your marriage. So, if you're going to find a wife, and you're going to keep that wife, number one, you contemplate the ways of God.

Number two, you capitulate to the Word of God. And number three, you concentrate on the will of God. And so, we talked about the desire of God. And now, number one, it's God's desire for you to be saved, right?

2 Peter 3, verse number 9, that God is not willing that any should perish, but all should come to repentance. That's where you begin. God wants you, number one, to be saved.

And number two, not to be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is, Ephesians 5, verses 15 to 18, that He wants us to be spirit controlled, filled with God's Spirit.

And so that we might be able to lead us, that we might not walk according to the flesh, but walk according to the Spirit. And then He wants us to be submissive, 1 Peter 2, verses 13 and following, that we are to submit to those in authority over us. That if we are doing the will of God by being submissive to those in authority over us, if we are doing the will of God by being spirit controlled, if we are doing the will of God because we are saved, God is going to lead and direct our steps. And then number four, we are to be set apart, 1 Thessalonians 4, verses 3 and 4, sanctified.

This is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that you are setting your life apart from the world, that you are sanctified as a vessel fit for the Master's use. And then we went on to talk about how there needs to be a satisfaction about your life, 1 Thessalonians 5, verse number 18, that this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you, that what? You give thanks to God. God's will for you is that you be a thankful person, that you be a person content with where you are, that you be a person satisfied with what God is doing in your life, so that you give thanks to Almighty God.

Went on to Psalm 103 to talk about how it's God's will for us to be involved in service. And then 1 Peter chapter 4, talk about how God's will for us is to suffer. Those seven aspects help you understand the will of God, that if you are doing those things, God is going to direct you into the specifics. Those are the general aspects of the will of God. And a lot of times we have a hard time understanding the specifics, meaning who to marry, what job to take, what car to buy, what house to buy, because we are disobedient to God in the general aspects of the will of God.

Either one, we're not saved, or we're not satisfied with where we are, or we're not submissive to some authority, or we're not giving thanks to God for what He has done, or we're not Spirit-controlled, or we are not set apart for the Master's use, or we're not serving God in some capacity. So it's the general aspects we talked about last week, because those are very important, because you want God to direct your life. You want God to lead your life. That's why you're here today. You want to know what the will of the Lord is for your life.

Listen, God wants you to know His will more than you long to know His will. Did you know that? Think God wants to hide things from you. Oh, you got to go find it now.

You know, God wants you to know His will. Let me give you a few verses. Psalm 32 verse number 8, I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go. I will counsel you with my eye upon you. And does that sound like a God who wants you to know His will? Absolutely. If you understand the general aspects of His desire, then He will slowly reveal to you those things that fulfill His decrees. Make sense? Not that hard, is it? Aren't you glad you came today? Sure you are. Go say, Amen. Pastor, we're glad we're here.

Yeah, yeah, it's really weak. I'm really convinced. We gave you the general aspects of that will. Let me give you the specifics.

The specifics that the servant was looking for in Genesis chapter 24. Because all of us have some specifics, right? We've got some things that we're looking for in a wife or in a husband. And this servant had some specific things he was wanting to see happen to confirm in his mind that this woman would be the one for Isaac. Let's look at it together, Genesis 24.

Pick up the narrative in verse number 10. Then the servant took ten camels from the camels of his master and set out with a variety of good things of his master's in his hand. He arose and went to Mesopotamia to the city of Nahor. And he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at evening time, the time when women go out to draw water. And he said, O Lord, the God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show loving kindness to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water.

Now may it be that the girl to whom I say, please let down your jars so that I may drink, and who answers, drink and I will water your camels also. May she be the one whom thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac. Stop right there. I was asked a question this past week. How do you know that someone has or God has appointed a wife for you or decreed a specific individual for you? Answer Genesis 24 verse number 14. There's a woman appointed for Isaac. Genesis chapter 2. God created one woman for one man.

He could have created ten perfect women. Can you imagine that? Adam lines them up. There's Eve and there's Evelyn and there's Esther and they're going down the line. There's ten of them. Which one do I choose, Lord? They're all perfect. Where do I go? Oh Lord, I'm so confused about your will. God gave him one woman. Why? Because God has appointed a woman for you. That's why. He gave him one. The servant knew that there was a woman appointed for Isaac. Lord, which one did you appoint for Isaac? And by this I shall know that thou hast shown lovingkindness to my master.

And it came about before he had finished speaking that behold Rebecca, who was born to Bethul, the son of Milcah, the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor, came out with her jar on her shoulder. The girl was very beautiful, a virgin, and no man had relations with her. And she went down to the spring and filled a jar and came up. The servant ran to meet her and said, Please let me drink a little water from your jar.

And she said, Drink my lord. And she quickly lowered her jar to her hand and gave him a drink. Now when she'd finished giving him a drink, she said, I will draw also for your camels until they have finished drinking. Isn't that what servant prayed for? And here she is. Let me water your ten camels.

So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran back to the well to draw and she drew for all his camels a lot of water for ten camels to drink and be satisfied. And what did she say? Meanwhile, the man was gazing at her in silence. The servant was flabbergasted. God is working. It's working just as I prayed. Not only did she offer me water, but she offered to give water to my camels. He stands dumbfounded. To know whether the Lord had made his journey successful or not, then it came about when the camels had finished drinking, that the man took a gold ring weighing a half shekel and two bracelets for her wrist weighing ten shekels in gold and said, Whose daughter are you?

Please tell me, is there room for us to lodge in your father's house? This thing's got to be confirmed. And she said to him, I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son of Milchah, whom she bore to Nahor. Again she said to him, We have plenty of both straw and feed and room to lodge in. Then the man bowed low. And what did he do? He worshiped the Lord. And he said, Blessed be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken his loving-kindness and his truth toward my master as for me. The Lord has guided me in the way to the house of my master's brother.

Wow! God did exactly what Abraham said he was going to do. God did exactly what I asked him to do. Isn't my God great? And so he was able to see the mighty hand of God moving in his interaction with this young lady. Let me give you three specifics.

There's probably more of them. But let me give you at least three of them that he was praying for. Number one was dependability.

Dependability. I mean he wanted the will of God. But Lord, this woman has got to be trustworthy. She's got to be dependable. She needs to be faithful. How do we get that? It says in verse number 11. The time when women go out to draw water. Then down in verse number 13. I am standing by the spring and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. This woman had to be a woman that was able to fulfill responsibility. At the time when the women come out to draw the water, one of those women is going to be the one that you have appointed to be the bride of Isaac.

Now she could have stayed home and she could have filled with her hair and she could have taken a nap or done whatever it is some women like to do throughout the day, but she was a responsible woman. She was doing her duty. Do you understand how important it is for you to marry somebody who's dependable? Who's trustworthy and not lazy? It's so important. Now this characteristic might mean nothing to you. You might care less whether or not they're trustworthy or dependable or faithful. I mean, that's up to you.

If you want to marry a, you know, a lazy slugger, that's, I mean that, go ahead and do that. But you know, you need to understand that if you want to find the right one, you got to be the right one. And you got to be dependable. And you're looking for somebody who is dependable. Who is going to fulfill their responsibility. This woman, Rebecca, this woman, didn't know her name at the time, was going to carry on the seed of Abraham through Isaac. And this woman then would father or would mother many children.

And through her would come a multitude of people. She had to realize that she was going to have to fulfill a great amount of responsibility. She had to be a person who you could depend on. Are you dependable? Are you faithful? Are you trustworthy? The Bible says in Proverbs 20, verse number 6, who can find a trustworthy man?

Where are they? That's the kind of person you need to be. Is it not true that if your marriage is going to be anything God wants it to be, that you're going to have to be a faithful person? Someone your husband or wife could depend on to come through. Knowing that you're going to be there. That you're going to be committed to the marriage over the long haul. I mean, this woman had to be so dependable that when he took her back to Isaac and she saw Isaac, she would say, ah, nope, not the kind of guy I want.

Turn around and go back home again. She had to be somebody he could count on. A dependable person. Disciplined. Very important. And you know, as parents, don't we need to instill that into our children? Sure we do. We need to instill in them an idea of trustworthiness. To be on time, right? Not to be late. So whenever you're late for church, you're disrespectful not to the pastor, but to God. Right? So you teach them to be dependable, to be on time, to be trustworthy, that the words they speak are true words.

That's a discipline. And so, is it not true that in a marriage that has to be maintained? Sure it does. Sure it does. Can your wife depend upon you, gentlemen, to get the work done? To be on time? To align your life with your words? Fellas, can you look to your wife and know that she is going to be dependable to get the work done at home that needs to be done? Sure. It's all very, very dependability. It's crucial. Number two, purity.

Purity. The text emphasizes this twice. It says in verse number 16, And the girl was very beautiful, a virgin, and no man had had relations with her. Purity. How did he know she was a virgin? Didn't know who she was. Never talked to her. Just saw her coming. How did he know that she had had no relations with another man? You know, purity is always seen in the eyes, isn't it not? Sure it is. You can tell a lot by a way a person dresses, by the way that person behaves himself. Behaves himself in the company of those of the opposite sex, right?

Tell a lot about that. But she was a pure woman. Don't, as a man, don't you want to marry a pure virgin? Sure you do. As a woman, don't you want to marry a pure virgin? Sure you do. The truth be known, that's what we want more than anything. Somebody as pure as the driven snow, never known a man, never known a woman, pure and holy. And that should be something that we look for when it comes to the specifics of knowing God's will, right? Lord, I want somebody I can trust. And on top of that, there needs to be a purity about that person.

Now listen very carefully. I've told you this a million times. I'm going to tell you to you a million and one times, that if whatever happened yesterday and the years before that happened, that cannot be changed. But if you want to live a pure and holy life, you begin today. Today. God can take you, wash you, clean you, and make you exactly what he wants you to be. And so whatever happened in the past, you can't change. So if you're here today, and you've been involved in immorality in the past, and you're not a virgin, then you look to the Lord and say, Lord, I want to be clean.

And I commit to you this day, from this day forward, I will remain pure and holy before you for the rest of my life, that you might lead me to that individual you want me to have. And God will do that, because that's the kind of God we serve, who will clean your life. Listen, some of you struggle with this. I'm not naive. I don't have my head in the sand. I understand that we struggle with purity issues. Can I give you just some principles that will help you? Parents, you need to teach them to your children.

Very important. You need to teach these to your children. Purity, number one, is always reproduced by obedience.

Always. Purity, number one, is reproduced by obedience. Psalm 119. How can a young man keep his way pure? That's a great question. By taking heed to the Word of God. By doing what God says.

That's how. So I treasure God's Word in my heart, that I might not sin against Him. It's reproduced by obedience. John 15, 3. You are made clean through the Word. John 17, 17. Sanctify them in truth, for your Word is truth. Romans 6, verses 17 to 19. Yield your members to righteousness for righteousness' sake. Do what the Word of the Lord says. It's reproduced by obedience. Number two, it requires, always, it requires making the tough decision.

It requires making the tough decision. Usually we don't want to make the tough decision. We want to make the easy decision. We want to make the feel-good decision. You got to make the right decision. So Paul tells Timothy in 2 Timothy 2, verse number 22, you flee youthful lusts. Why? Because God wants to use you, Timothy. And earlier in verses 19 and following, it says, the firm foundation of the Lord is this, that everyone who names the name of Christ departs from iniquity. And if you're going to be a vessel fit for the master's use, you've got to flee youthful lusts.

You've got to run from them. That means you got to make the tough decision. You've got to say no to sin. You've got to say yes to a Savior. You've got to say yes, God, I'll do what you want me to do. I'll obey your Word. It's reproduced by obedience, and it always requires making the tough decision. And number three, a pure life recognizes the consequences of sin.

In the midst of making a decision, you know what, we're not weighing the consequences, are we? See, that's pretty good right about now, but are we weighing the consequences of our sin? Be not deceived, God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. Don't be deceived. Don't let Satan deceive you. Oh, keep that verse before you, because Satan will dupe you. He will fool you. He will get you to think it's right because it feels so right. It's right because it makes me feel a certain way.

It must be the right thing for me. Satan will make it look so good and bring you crumbling down, crashing to the ground. Be not deceived, God is not mocked. And a pure life recognizes the consequences of sin. A pure life reveals my commitment to glorify the Lord. Over in 1 Corinthians chapter 6, 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verses 18 to 20, flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?

For you have been bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body. Pure life reveals a commitment to glorify God. Do you want to glorify God above anything else? Do you want him to be put on display above anything else? Your body is a temple of the Spirit of God. Every other sin that you commit is outside the body. There's only one sin, only one sin that destroys the inner part of a man's life, and that is a sin of immorality. That is sex kinds of sins that destroy you in a way that no other sin will do.

You can kill someone, but it won't destroy you as a sex sin does. You can take all kinds of drugs and be involved in all kinds of alcohol, but that won't do to you what sex sins will do to you. They will destroy you emotionally. They will destroy you mentally. They will destroy you physically. They will destroy you spiritually. They will tear you up on the inside, because every other sin is outside the body, but this one sin is inside the body, so you got to deal with it. So are you committed to glorifying God?

Lord, I am a temple of the Spirit of God. You live within me. I want to glorify you in my body. I want you to be put on display, Lord, and the pure life will reveal that. The next is that a pure life results in looking forward to his return. A pure life results in looking forward to his return. You show me a man who anticipates the future, and I'll show you a man who's clean in the present, and lastly, a pure life is always rewarded by God. Genesis 39, the life of Joseph, we're going to be there in a few months, but Joseph was a man who lived a pure life, and God rewarded him because he would flee part of his wife.

He would flee the scene. He would be obedient to God, and even though he was thrown into prison, even though he was forgotten for a whole 13-year process, it was just a very difficult time for the time he was sold into slavery before he ever became prominent in Egypt. For 13 years, it was one difficulty after another, but the Bible says that God was with him, and God rewarded him.

Why? Because he's pure and holy. That's why your life needs to be pure. A servant wanted a woman with or who was dependable, wanted someone who was pure, someone who was, number three characteristic, hospitable.

It means to be a lover of strangers. Here was a woman who he would go up and ask for a cup of water, and she would give him one, and then on her own initiative, she would say, let me give your camels some water as well.

A person who is hospitable is a selfless person. These were things he looked for. She had to be a lover of strangers because she was going to go back and meet Isaac, who would be a stranger, Abraham, who would be a stranger. The servant himself was a stranger. She was going to be a mother of a multitude of people. Could she handle the responsibility? Was she dependable? Was she committed to a life of purity? Was she committed to be what God wanted her to be no matter what? Oh, see, that's so important.

You marry the right one. It's so important to be what God wants you to be in your marriage, so your marriage is what God wants it to be. Concentrate on the will of God. Principle number four, and we'll close with this one. Cooperate by waiting on God. Cooperate by waiting on God, and I gotta tell you, this is where it gets really, really hard. The text tells us that the servant would sit in silence waiting to see whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful or not. You know, it's so easy to jump the gun.

It's so easy. Oh, that's the one. We are in such a hurry to get married, but you need to cooperate by waiting on God. God always shows you, but you gotta cooperate by waiting on God. Are you waiting? Waiting for God to accomplish his will in your marriage? Listen to Psalm 119, verse number 74. May those who fear thee see me and be glad because I wait for thy word. Isn't that good? How about you? What was your marriage today? When was the last time as a marriage partner you contemplated the ways of God?

When was the last time you said, Lord, whatever your word says, I'm going to do without reservation? When was the last time you said, Lord, your will, not mine, be done? And now, Lord, I'm going to sit, and I'm going to wait for you to work because I've done everything I possibly can. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. So you lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways you acknowledge him. You concentrate on the will of God doing his will, and he will direct your paths. You want to be able to see the clear direction of the Lord?

Contemplate the ways of God. Capitulate to the word of God. Concentrate on the will of God, and cooperate by waiting on God. Let's pray.