How to Find a Wife, Part 2

If you have your Bible, I would invite you to turn with me to Genesis chapter 24. Genesis 24, as we continue our study, in the longest chapter in the book of Genesis. Chapter 24, it tells us about the emphasis God places on marriage. The emphasis God places on how to choose a mate. So we've entitled this message, How to Find a Wife and Keep Her. Or, if you're a woman, How to Find a Man and Keep Him. And we began our time dealing with the issue that is presented in the first verse, and in the last verse of Genesis chapter 24.

They're like parentheses, they're like two key aspects to help you understand how to find a wife and keep her. And it centers around verse number one, when it says in Genesis 24, these words, Now Abraham was old and advanced in age, and the Lord had blessed Abraham in every way.

Saying this, that when you go to find a man, ladies, you must make sure that number one, he is one who reveres his master.

Who reveres his maker. And in the last verse of Genesis chapter 24, says this, verse number 67, Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and he took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. Thus Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. And we spent time talking about the fact that Isaac had great admiration for his mother Sarah. He loved his mother. And so not only do you look for a man who reveres his maker, but you look for a man who respects his mother. So important, when you look for a man to marry, you look at that man's relationship to his mother.

Does he honor her? Does he love her? Does he respect her? Does he uplift her? Does he treat her as a prized individual? So important, because how that man treats his mother is going to be indicative on how that man is ultimately going to treat you, his wife. But those two things provide a parenthesis to help us understand that if we're going to marry one day, you find a man who reveres his master. And number two, who respects his mother.

And that led us into our outline to help us understand what are those key principles that we are to understand if we are going to find a wife and keep that wife, or find a man and keep that man. And number one was that we need to contemplate the ways of God.

Abraham did. Abraham's servant did. We need to understand the providence of Almighty God, the sovereignty of God, and learn to rest in His sovereign control. And so we, as we look to marry an individual, as we look to understand the principles of maintaining a marriage that honors God, we need to contemplate the ways of God, that He is sovereign, that what God has joined together, let no man separate. And therefore you learn to rest in that and trust Him as Abraham trusted in his relationship with Sarah.

You see, the servant himself would contemplate the ways of God as Abraham would tell him what to do and where to go. And he would begin to pray for God's leading. And as he prayed for God's leading, he would recount the ways of God and how God orchestrated all the events of his encounter with Rebekah. To Laban and to Bethuel. And he would then contemplate the ways of God, realizing that God's decrees were in order, that God was in charge. And then we moved on to point number two.

Not only do you contemplate the ways of God, but you capitulate to the Word of God. You need to submit yourself to the commands of Almighty God. The servant had something that he could not do. He could not choose a wife for Isaac from the Canaanite people, from the immoral people, from the pagan people. This is what he could not do. God has specific commands in the scriptures that we are to submit ourselves to. And it's important for us to realize that when we look for a bride, when we look for a bridegroom, we are looking for an individual who is willing to submit themselves to the authority of God's Word.

Oh, so crucial. Is God's Word preeminent in their lives? If not, your marriage will falter because they will think of other things to be their standard. They will look to other avenues in which to govern the decision-making process in the home. But God's Word is that authority. And so when God speaks, we need to listen.

We need to obey. Same thing in the area of premarital sex. The Bible is very clear about that. This is the will of God. Even your sanctification, 1 Thessalonians 4, 3 and 4, that you abstain from sexual immorality. You see, it's important for us to grasp the fact that God's Word is authoritative. And so if you're in a relationship with somebody, it's a dating relationship, and you're involved in premarital sex, guess what? You're out of the will of God. You're doing the wrong thing. You're violating the Word of Almighty God.

God's Word is not your standard. Your feelings are your standard. And therefore, you've got to realize that what God says in His Word is of utmost importance.

The Bible says in Hebrews 13, verse number 4, that marriage is honorable, and the marriage bed is undefiled.

But fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. Obey the Word of God. Submit yourself to what God says.

Every ordinance of God. Ladies, look for a man whose love and passion is the Word of God. That's a good man. That's the man you want to latch on to. We get so interested in what he looks like, and how he dresses, and what kind of income he has, and what kind of job he has. And while those things might be to some degree important, because you want to be financially stable to some degree, the bottom line is, does he love the Word of God? Does he honor the Word of God? Does he submit to the Word of God?

In your marriage, you've got to submit to the Word of God. Whatever it says, you've got to obey. I mean, that's just a basic principle to a good marriage. Show me a marriage that's failing, and I will show you a marriage where someone in that marriage is unwilling to submit to some command that God has given. That's the bottom line. We are unwilling to obey what God says.

It's too hard. It sounds too great, too impossible. It's not what we want. And therefore, our marriage begins to crumble, because God's Word is not our authority base. Important to understand, that if you have violated the Word of God at any point, you need to go to God, confess your sin, forsake your ways, and there you'll find mercy and compassion from Almighty God. So you contemplate the ways of God. You capitulate to the Word of God. The Bible says in Amos 3, 3, How could two walk together lest they be agreed?

Do you agree with the person you're going to marry? Do you agree on the inerrancy and infallibility of Scripture? Do you believe on the eternality of Heaven and Hell? Do you believe on the universality of the exceeding sinfulness of man and his depravity? Do you believe in the security of the believer? Do you believe in the imminency of his return? What do you believe about what the Bible says?

Because if two aren't in agreement, they can't walk together. And the most crucial foundation of your marriage centers around the Word of God and what you believe the Word of God teaches. Everything else is secondary. And so, as we study the text in Genesis 24, we realize what God has done and doing in the life of Abraham and his servant. Now there's some of you who say, Well, I married an unbeliever. What do I do now? If you married an unbeliever, you stay married to that unbeliever. So 1 Corinthians 7 is very important.

You can't violate the Word of God to fulfill the will of God. Did you understand that? Wherever you are today, this is where you begin the process. Can't change yesterday, can't change last week, can't change last month, and you can't change the person you married 20 years ago. What you can do is follow the Word of God and submit beginning today. And that's what God honors. God will forgive the past. Can't change it, but God will forgive you. But you move on from this point. Which leads us to our third aspect.

Number one, contemplate the ways of God. Number two, capitulate to the Word of God. And number three, concentrate on the will of God.

Concentrate on the will of God. And this is so practical. You're going to be so blessed. Look what Abraham said over in Genesis 24. In verse number seven, The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my birth, and who spoke to me, and who swore to me, saying to your descendants, I will give this land. He will send his angel before you. Abraham understood the will of God. Listen very carefully. The servant now is going to understand that God is leading him. Listen to what he says.

After he went, he prayed that God would show him the right woman. And beseeches God and says these words in verse number 12. O Lord, the God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show loving kindness to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Now may it be that the girl to whom I say, please let down your jar so that I may drink, and who answers, drink, and I will water your camels also. May she be the one whom thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac.

And by this I shall know that thou hast shown loving kindness to my master. Listen, this man was very specific. If you've ever been to Israel and you've seen the camels, if you've ever ridden a camel, if you've ever been close to one of those camels, they are the ugliest, smelliest creatures in the entire world. Now he had 10 camels. He says, Lord, listen, if I go to this place and this woman comes out to me and she offers me a drink, and on top of that, she offers to give water to my camels, that's the woman you've appointed for Isaac.

Do you know how much water it would take that woman to draw to make sure those 10 camels were satisfied? This had to be one mammoth woman. She had to carry that water from the water hole and make sure that those camels were taken care of. Their thirst was quenched. But you will notice that he was very specific in what he asked for.

Now listen, I'm going to talk to you about those specifics, but I'm going to do that next week. Okay? I want you to come back next week. But I want to speak to you this morning about the generalities of the will of God. You know, I was a college pastor for a number of years, and the number one question that college students asked me was, how do I determine God's will for my life?

And I've come to find out that working in the church, that's a big question that people ask. What is God's will for my life? And when looking for a spouse, when looking for someone to marry, you want God's will for you. Listen, there was a woman that God had appointed for Isaac. That's what the servant prayed for. I will know that this is the woman you appointed for me. And I told you last time that there are a lot of books written about the fact that, well, you know, you can marry any believer you want, and it's going to be God's will for your life, that God doesn't choose one specific person for you.

They haven't read Genesis 24, because it's right there. God had appointed a specific woman for Isaac. The servant knew that. He believed that. There are some things that God has been very clear on that we have missed. And therefore, when we go to pray for specifics, we never get them, because we haven't done the general things that God has stated in His Word. And I want to give those to you this morning. The Bible says in Ephesians 6, verse number 6, that we are to do the will of God from the heart.

When we contemplate the ways of God, that deals with the decrees of God, God's unalterable plan. When we concentrate on the will of God, that deals with God's desire. Very important to understand that. If you don't understand the desire of God, the will of God, the wish of God, and fulfill that, you will never understand the specifics that God is leading you into, whether it be a marriage, whether it be your job, whether it be anything you set out to do. The will of God is not that difficult to find.

The problem is, we don't understand what the Bible says about God's will for us today, and therefore, we miss the intricate details of that will in the future, because we have violated the word of God.

Let me give it to you. Number one, 2 Peter 3, verse number 9, God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

That is not the decreed will of God, that is the desired will of God. God does not desire any man to go to hell. It is decreed that that's going to happen, but it's not His wish. It is not the desire of His heart. 2 Peter 3, verse 9, God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. The very first thing you need to understand about the will of God is that God wants you to be saved.

He wants you to be born again. He wants you to have a relationship with Him. That's number one. There are some people trying to find the will of God for their life. They're not even saved. God's not going to direct them. They've got to know the God of the Scriptures. So, number one, when you concentrate on the will of God, you've got to be saved.

After that, you've got to be controlled by the Spirit of God. Listen to what Paul says in Ephesians 5, verse number 15. Therefore, be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time because the days are evil. So then, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. That's what the text says. Now, we can either be foolish or we can be wise. The wise man knows the will of God. The foolish man doesn't understand the will of God. The wise man says God wants man to be saved.

The wise man says God wants man to be Spirit-filled. And do not get drunk with wine for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit. Be controlled by the Spirit of God. Be dominated by the Spirit of God that God's Spirit moves and directs your life. That you walk in the Spirit so you don't fulfill the lust of the flesh. If you want to know the will of God for your life, you've got to be Spirit-controlled and you've got to be saved. That's very basic. Number three, you've got to submit to authority.

Listen to what Peter says in 1 Peter chapter 2 verse number 13. Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right, for such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. This is God's desire. This is God's will for you. What is it? That you submit to those in authority over you. Do you know that the number one reason we have a hard time finding a new job, finding a proper spouse, finding a place to live, knowing what God wants for us is because we refuse to submit to the authority above us.

Listen, if you violate the basics of God's will that are clearly dispelled in scripture, how can you ever expect him to tell you the specifics of your life when you are willingly violating the word of God? Listen, ladies, if you want God's will for your life and for your family, submit to the man that God has put over you. That's the authority that God's put over you. If you're looking for a job and you're in a present job and you're trying to find a new job, submit to the authority of the job you're presently in.

Because if you're violating that submission servanthood role, you're not going to be able to understand God's will for you in another job. Because you are willingly violating the scripture. And therefore, we must understand the general aspects of God's desire. What does God want for you? He wants you to be saved. He wants you to walk in the spirit. He wants you controlled by the spirit of God. He wants you to submit to those who are in authority over you. Do you know that if you don't submit to those in authority over you in your church, that God's not going to direct you when it comes to the specifics of your family and life?

There are more people who have a hard time understanding the will of God because they violate the basic principles of the scripture. So you submit to authority. You're controlled by the spirit of God. You're saved. Number four. Knowing that, you need to understand what the Bible says in the first Thessalonians chapter four.

That you need to be set apart for his purposes. Sanctified. A vessel fit for his use. I quoted earlier, for this is the will of God. What's the will of God? People say, what's the will of God? This is the will of God. Even your sanctification. That you abstain from sexual immorality. Listen, if you're involved in any kind of sex sin, any kind of immoral behavior, any kind of impure thoughts, what you're doing is violating the will of God. And that is God's desire for you. He wants a pure people. He wants a holy people.

He wants a people that are confessed up. So set your life apart. Live a sanctified life. The word sanctification just means to be set apart for God's purposes. Right? And so, if we're gonna understand the will of God for our lives, then we need to be set apart for His purposes. Living sanctified lives. Being vessels fit for the Master's use. That's the will of God. People say, oh, if I just knew God's will for my life. Are you saved? Are you spirit controlled? Are you submitting to authority? Are you set apart for His use?

Are you sanctified? If you're violating any one of those four, then you're gonna get mixed signals as to what God would have for you. Whether it be your marriage, whether it be your job, whether it be the raising of your children, whether it be anything you engage in as you seek the will of God for your life. But there's another one. 1 Thessalonians 5, verse number 18, what's it say? In everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. What's God's will for you? God's will is that you give thanks to Him.

That you be content in the situation where you are. Do you wanna understand why you have a hard time finding God's will? It's because you're not willing to praise God for your situation, your circumstances. And you wonder, how come God's not leading me? Are you praising Him? Are you thanking Him? Are you saying, God, the Bible says this is your will, that I am to give thanks to Almighty God for all that you have done.

And so Lord, I might not like the situation, but I'm gonna thank you for it because you have a greater purpose than I can ever think of. You are infinite, I am finite. You have a great desire for my life. You have a great plan for my life. So God, I'm gonna thank you for where I am. I'm gonna thank you for what you have done because the Bible says we are to give thanks in all things.

Ephesians says, we are to give thanks for all things. That is the will of God. That is His desire. Listen, when you fulfill the desire of God, God begins to direct the steps of His people to do what He wants them to do. And you don't get mixed messages. You get a very clear path as to where you should go. God's will is not very difficult to find at all. Being obedient to what God says in His word about His will, that's the difficulty.

So, you go back and say, am I saved? Am I born again? Do I have a relationship with the living God? If so, am I controlled by a spirit? Am I walking in the spirit so I don't fulfill the lust of the flesh? Do I submit to those in authority over me? Do I set my life apart from the world? Am I sanctified? Am I a vessel fit for His use? Do I say thanks in and for the things that come my way? Also, Psalm 103, verse number 21, says this, Bless the Lord all you His host, you who serve Him doing His will.

You who serve Him doing His will. Not only do you have to be saved, not only do you have to be spirit controlled, not only do you have to submit to authority, not only do you have to be sanctified, not only do you have to say thanks, but you've got to serve Him. Listen, if you're not serving God, because that's His desire for your life, how do you expect God to move you in the direction He wants you to go? God moves those people who are in the process of serving Him. Why is that? Because when you're serving God, you're preoccupied with God, you're wanting to honor God, you're wanting to fulfill God's purposes for your life, and God sees that in your life, and God then begins to move and direct your steps.

If you're not serving God in some ministry capacity in the church of God, you can't expect God to move your life in any direction, because He's not going to do that with people who willingly violate a clear direction from the Word of God. Listen, if we understand God's clarity on issues, then you know what? God will direct our steps. God will show us. There's one more. It's this. It's in 1 Peter 4. And that is, this is the desire of God, the wish of God. Are you ready for this? That you suffer for His name's sake.

Did you know that? See, how can that be God's desire? That seems totally contrary. Listen to what Peter says. Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange things were happening to you. He says, what do you guys think that, what are you surprised for? You're living the life that's obedient to God. You're saved. You're submitting to Him. You're saying thanks to Him. You're serving Him. You're submitting to those in authority over you.

You live the life that's set apart. And all of a sudden, now you're surprised at the fiery ordeal that comes your way. Why are you surprised at that? As though some strange thing has happened to you. Some foreign element has come into your life. Peter says, don't be surprised. He says this. But to the degree that you share the suffering of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory, you may rejoice with exultation. If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed because the spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.

By no means let any of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or a troublesome meddler. But if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not feel ashamed, but in that name let him glorify God. For it is time for judgment to begin with the household of God. And if it begins with us first, what will be the outcome of those who do not obey the gospel of God?

And if it is with difficulty that the righteous is saved, what will become of the godless man and the sinner? Therefore, let those also who suffer according to what? The will of God entrust their souls to a faithful creator in doing what is right. Wow. If we are going to have a marriage that honors God, if you're going to be able to find a wife or find a husband and keep him or her, you must concentrate on the will of God. You must want God's will more than you want your will. You must want to do what he says more than you want to do what you say or somebody else says.

And therefore, you must understand the desire of almighty God. And if you understand those, those seven principles of the will of God, guess what? God will just move you from point to point, from place to place, showing you exactly what it is you should do. If you have trouble finding the will of God, you need to go back and ask yourself some questions. Am I saved? If I'm saved, do I submit to authority? Am I spirit controlled? Am I set apart? Am I saying thanks to God? Am I serving him? Am I suffering for his name's sake?

If so, okay God, you show me. Direct my steps. Show me where to go. It was the Lord who, on that evening, before his crucifixion, knelt in the garden and said what? Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done. The whole ministry of Jesus Christ was focused on the will of his father in heaven. That's why his ministry was successful. That's why it accomplished the ultimate purpose that he was sent to do. Everything was about fulfilling his father's will. Listen, if that's your desire, you're going to have a great marriage.

Oh God, I want to do what you want more than I want to do what I want. I want out of the marriage, but God, do you want me to stay in the marriage? Oh God, I'm going to stay here. I'm going to give thanks to you. I'm going to submit to my husband because that's what your word says and I'm going to ask you to bless my life because I want my husband saved. I want my husband walking with God. I want to do what honors you, Lord. And if you're looking for that man or that woman, you say, Lord, I want to do your will.

I want to marry the man you want me to marry. I want to marry the woman you want me to marry. I want your will to be done, not my will to be done. Let me tell you something, that kind of attitude will revolutionize your entire life.

Wanting what God wants more than what you want because that's where the battle comes right. Sure it is. God will bless your life. Let's pray.