How to Find a Wife, Part 1

Genesis chapter 24. I have waited many, many months to be able to share this chapter with you because there are so many wonderful truths in this wonderful, wonderful chapter. I thought I'd be able to get through in two weeks. It might take me three to get through this chapter. After all, it is the longest chapter in the book of Genesis. Do you think it's important for God or for you that God would tell you how to find a wife? Absolutely. Socrates said it this way, that Greek philosopher, he says, by all means, marry.

If you get a good wife, twice blessed, you will be. If you get a bad wife, you'll become a philosopher. Now, while we laugh at that, that is more true than most of us would ever like to admit. Finding a good wife. The Bible says this over in Proverbs 31, verse number 10, an excellent wife who can find.

And it goes on to describe for us that excellent wife in Proverbs chapter 31. God's got something special for you, something your parents can't conjure up, but God can. And over in Proverbs chapter 18, verse number 22, it says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing. Isn't that good? So God is going to spend a lot of time telling you how to find a wife. 67 verses, and all of them extremely important for us to understand God's plan for marriage. Some of you have said, well, if I'm already married, then why would I come to hear a sermon about how to find a wife?

I guess it shouldn't really be titled, How to Find a Wife and Keep Her. That would probably be a better title because the principles we're going to give you today not only tell you how to find that wife, but how to live in accord with the word of God so you keep your wife. And if you're a woman, you can say it this way, how to find a man and keep him. Some of you are saying, well, you know, I'm never going to get married. Well, you need to know what God says about those who are going to get married so you can counsel them in the right way.

So this text is applicable to all of us. In Jewish culture, they go back to Genesis 24 and teach their children about marriage from this text. When we begin this text, in just a few moments, we begin reading in verse number one, Abraham's around 140 years of age.

Sarah has just died a few years back. And Isaac, the son, had a good relationship with his mother that he needed to be comforted because for some reason he had a tremendous relationship with his mother, Sarah. And you can understand that, can't you? I mean, after all, she was promised a son and it was 25 years before he finally came.

She was 90 years old when Isaac was born, 90. So you can imagine the kind of relationship she must have had with Isaac. Can you imagine that, waiting so long for a baby and then having it? And then we saw later in Genesis that Ishmael was mistreating her boy, her prized possession. And she made Abraham get rid of, you know, Hagar and Ishmael because of this prized son of hers. She loved Isaac. And you know what? Isaac loved his mother. He loved his mother. But before we ever get into Genesis 24, the Bible already tells us about the thing you need to look for when you marry somebody.

And if you're a lady here today and you're looking to get married, you need to make sure that you look to see how that man treats his mother. If that man has not treated his mother with respect, dignity, and honor, do not marry that man. Because how he treats his mother is going to be indicative on how he treats you, is one that honors the Lord Jesus Christ. Now granted, God can do a mighty work and God can revolutionize his life, I understand that. But these are little flags you look for when you're looking to find the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with.

And so this chapter becomes the ideal chapter on how to find a wife. We're going to read all 67 verses. Why? Because we believe that every word of God is inspired. Now Abraham was old, advanced in age, and the Lord had blessed Abraham in every way. And Abraham said to a servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he owned, please place your hand into my thigh and I will make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth. And you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I live, but you shall go to my country and to my relatives and take a wife for my son Isaac.

And the servant said to him, suppose a woman will not be willing to follow me to this land. Should I take your son back to the land from where you came? But Abraham said to him, beware lest you take my son back there. The Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my birth and who spoke to me and who swore to me saying to your descendants, I will give this land. He will send his angel before you and you will take a wife for my son from there. But if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be free from this my oath.

Only do not take my son back there. So the servant placed his hand under the thigh of Abraham, his master and swore to him concerning this matter. Then the servant took 10 camels from the camels of his master and set out with a variety of good things of his masters in his hand. And he arose and went to Mesopotamia, the city of Nahor. And he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at evening time, the time when women go out to draw water. And he said, Oh Lord, the God of my master, Abraham, please grant me success today and show loving kindness to my master, Abraham.

Behold, I am standing by the spring and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Now, may it be that the girl to whom I say, please let down your jar so that I may drink and who answers drink and I will water your camels also. May she be the one who now has appointed for thy servant, Isaac. And by this, I shall know that thou has shown loving kindness to my master. Before I go any further, you need to take a pen and circle the word appointed. Verse 15. And it came about before he had finished speaking and behold, Rebecca, who was born to Bethuel, the son of Milcah, the wife of Abraham's brother, Nahor came out with her jar on her shoulder.

And the girl was very beautiful. A virgin and no man had had relations with her. And she went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up. Then the servant ran to meet her and said, please let me drink a little water from your jar.

And she said, drink, my Lord. And she quickly lowered her jar to her hand and gave him a drink. Now, when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, I will draw also for your camels until they had finished drinking. So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran back to the well to draw. And she drew for all his camels. Meanwhile, the man was gazing at her in silence to know whether the Lord had made his journey successful or not. Then it came about when the camels had finished drinking that the man took a gold ring, weighing a half a shekel and two bracelets for her wrists, weighing 10 shekels in gold and said, whose daughter are you?

Please tell me. Is there room for us to lodge in your father's house? And she said to him, I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor. Again, she said to him, we have plenty of both straw and feed and a room to lodge in. Then the man bowed low and worshiped the Lord. And he said, blessed be the Lord, the God of my master, Abraham, who has not forsaken his loving kindness and his truth toward my master as for me, the Lord has guided me in the way to the house of my master's brothers.

Then the girl ran and told her mother's household about these things. Now, Rebecca had a brother whose name was Laban and Laban ran outside to the man of the spring. And it came about that when he saw the ring and the bracelets on his sister's wrist, and when he heard the words of Rebecca, his sister saying, this is what the man said to me, he went to the man and behold, he was standing by the camels at the spring. And he said, come in, blessed of the Lord. Why do you stand outside since I have prepared the house and a place for the camels?

So the man entered the house, then Laban unloaded the camels and he gave straw and feed to the camels and water to wash his feet and the feet of the men who were with him. But when food was set before him to eat, he said, I will not eat until I've told my business. And he said, speak on. So he said, I am Abraham's servant and the Lord has greatly blessed my master so that he has become rich and he has given him flocks and herds and silver and gold and servants and maids and camels and donkeys. Now, Sarah, my master's wife, bore a son to my master in her old age, and he has given him all that he has.

And my master made me swear, saying, you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites whose land I live, but you shall go to my father's house and to my relatives and take a wife for my son. And I said to my master, suppose the woman does not follow me. And he said to me, the Lord before whom I have walked will send his angel with you to make your journey successful. And you will take a wife from my son, from my relatives and from my father's house. Then you will be free from my oath when you come to my relatives.

And if they do not give her to you, you will be free from my oath. So I came today to the spring and said, oh Lord, the God of my master Abraham, if now that will make my journey on which I go successful, behold, I am standing by the spring. And may it be that the maiden who comes out to draw and to whom I say, please let me drink a little water from your jar.

And she will say to me, you drink and I will draw for your camels also. Let her be the woman whom the Lord has appointed for my master's son. Before I'd finished speaking in my heart, behold, Rebecca came out with her jar on her shoulder and went down to the spring and drew. And I said to her, please let me drink.

And she quickly lowered her jar from her shoulder and said, drink and I will water your camels also. So I drank and she watered the camels also. Then I asked her and said, whose daughter are you? And she said, the daughter of Nehor's son, whom Milcah bore to him. And I put the ring on her nose. Ouch. And the bracelets on her wrists. And I bowed low and worshiped the Lord and blessed the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who had guided me in the right way to take the daughter of my master's kinsman for his son.

So now, if you are going to deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me. And if not, let me know that I may turn to the right hand or the left.

Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, the matter comes from the Lord, so we cannot speak to you bad or good. Behold, Rebecca is before you. Take her and go and let her be the wife of your master's son, as the Lord has spoken. And it came about when Abraham's servant heard their words, that he bowed himself to the ground before the Lord. And the servant brought out articles of silver and articles of gold and garments and gave them to Rebecca. He also gave precious things to her brother and to her mother.

Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night. When they arose in the morning, he said, send me away to my master. But her brother and her mother said, let the girl stay with us a few days, say ten. Afterwards, she may go. And he said to them, do not delay me. Since the Lord has prospered my way, send me away, that I may go to my master. And they said, we will call the girl and consult her wishes. Then they called Rebecca and said to her, will you go with this man? And she said, I will go.

Thus they sent away their sister Rebecca and her nurse with Abraham's servant and his men. And they blessed Rebecca and said to her, may you, our sister, become thousands of ten thousands and may your descendants possess the gate of those who hate them. Then Rebecca arose with her maids and they mounted the camels and followed the man. So the servant took Rebecca and departed. Now Isaac had come from going to Bir Laharoi, for he was living in the Negev. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field toward evening.

And he lifted up his eyes and looked and behold, camels were coming. And Rebecca lifted up her eyes. And when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from the camel. And she said to the servant, who is that man walking in the field to meet us? And the servant said, he is my master. Then she took her veil and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done. Then Isaac brought her into his mother, Sarah's tent. And he took Rebecca and she became his wife. And he loved her. Thus Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

What a great story. Leaves me very little time for comment this morning. But that's okay. Notice the very first verse.

I said, well, pastor, you could have just read that verse and talked about it. Yeah, I could have. But I wanted to give you the whole story so that you were able to grasp all of it at once. The text says in verse number one, now Abraham was old and advanced in age and the Lord had blessed Abraham in every way.

That's a very important verse because Sarah had just died not too long ago. Yet the Bible says in spite of that death of that precious bride of his, he was a blessed man, a blessed man.

And we don't need to go back and review Genesis chapter 22, but we know why that man was a blessed man. He was blessed because he feared God. And the Bible says blessed is the man who fears always.

If you're a lady and you're thinking about getting married, if the man you're looking to marry does not respect your mother and revere your maker, turn and run the other way. Before we ever give you the eight principles in Genesis 24, this introduction is so important because if you miss this, the other eight principles are not going to mean anything to you. For a heart that's committed to God can live with anybody under any roof. But if the heart's not committed to God, all kinds of turmoil will rise up because a heart committed to God will be a heart that's committed to their spouse.

Abraham understood that finding a wife was very important. He had a great wife. He wanted a great wife for his son. And if you're a parent today, you want your son to marry the right woman, don't you? You want your daughter to marry the right man. Principle number one, it's all we're going to cover today.

Contemplate the ways of God. Contemplate the ways of God. Say, how did you get that out of the text? It is so clear. Abraham would contemplate the ways of God. Abraham's servant would contemplate the ways of God. He would go back and rehearse the whole story. That's why the story is rehearsed again once through Abraham, then once through Abraham's servant to Laban and Bethuel because they had to really focus in on God and what he was doing or they wouldn't get the right one. So in order to get the right one, you need to contemplate the ways of God.

Two phrases I want you to see. The first one is this. He tells his servant in verse number three to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth.

And he said, you're going to do this by placing your hand underneath my thigh. That was the act in which you demonstrate the procreative powers. You see, Abraham was concerned that the generation to come would follow God and that his son and whoever that woman was, they were going to usher in his descendants who would be multiple in number. But he would make a commitment. He would swear by the God of heaven and the God of earth. When you contemplate the ways of God, what you are saying is that God's ways are perfect.

God is in control. God is sovereign. God rules. That's why the servant said on two separate occasions, the woman that God appointed. God's appointed your wife. God is in control. And so when you go to look for a wife, when you go to look for a husband, when you go to understand your marriage, you need to contemplate the ways of almighty God. He is the God of heaven and the God of earth. And so now he comes to a servant and says, you swear by the God who possesses both heaven and earth. And then he said this, the angel down in verse number seven, he will send his angel before you.

You see, Abraham knew that God was creator. God was originator. God was author. And God was provider. Yahweh Yira, Genesis 22. And if God is the originator and creator and author, then he will provide for me exactly what I need. So he tells the servant, he will send his angel before you. Why will he send his angel before you? Because you've got to make sure you get the right one. That's why. Contemplate the ways of almighty God. God is in complete control. You need to be able to rest in his sovereignty.

The Bible says in Matthew chapter 19, what God has joined together, let no man divorce. That little phrase is very important. It tells you this, that God joins you and your wife. That God picks your wife. Now I know that there'll be a lot of people that probably want to write me some letters and debate me over this topic, but you know, I've read all the books on the will of God. Okay. None of them did me any good. So I read the book, the Bible on the will of God. And that really clarified things for me in my mind.

Back in Genesis chapter two, God made woman for man. He didn't make Adam a lot of different women that he could choose from. He made him one woman Eve. Why? Because God would hand choose, hand make a specific woman for a specific man. And I believe that that's how my God operates. If Psalm 139, 16 is correct. And it is because it's the truth. All my days were written in God's book before there was even yet one of them. So do I believe that God has an individual for you? Yes, I do. Abraham believed that Abraham's servant believed that Isaac believed that.

And I believe the Bible teaches that. So what do you do? You contemplate the ways of God. God is orchestrating the events of life. And I am called according to those purposes. Listen to Job 12, verse number 10, in his hand is a life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. What's that tell you? That tells you that God's in control because everything is in his hand. So that creates a great confidence in me because I know that all things are going to work together for good. Not that all things are good, but all things will work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose.

That gives me confidence. It also gives me comfort. Why? Because I know. I don't think. I don't imagine. I know. I know for certain. I have an assurance. And that gives me comfort as a believer that God is orchestrating his plans and his purposes for his glory. And so the text says we know with assurance. We understand. We believe this with all that we have that God is orchestrating the events of life to bring about his purposes, even my sin. And if the book of Genesis teaches us anything, it teaches us how God takes the sin of man to bring about his great purposes because God rules over all.

He even rules over your sin because he is greater than your sin. And he can orchestrate his purposes to come about because of your sin. It's an amazing God we serve. So not only does it give me confidence, but it gives me great comfort. Why? Because God's way is perfect. Listen to Psalm 18. As for God, his way is perfect. The word of the Lord is tried. He is a shield to all who take refuge in him. For who is God but the Lord? And who is a rock except our God, the God who girds me with strength and makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like hinds feet and sets me upon my high places. He trains my hands for battle so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation, and thy right hand upholds me, and thy gentleness makes me great. Thou dost enlarge my steps under me, and my feet have not slipped. The psalmist recognizes that God's in control, and that gives him great comfort. And so when you begin to contemplate the ways of God, it gives you confidence about who God is. It gives you comfort in your God.

And on top of that, it gives you great courage to serve your God. Great courage to serve him. Why? Because God is going to take my life, no matter how I mess it up, and bring about a greater purpose for his glory. And that gives me courage. Proverbs 20, verse number 24 says this, a man's steps are directed by the Lord. Contemplate the ways of God. God is sovereign. God has someone for you. Wait for him to show you that someone. Go to him and ask him to show you that someone. Make sure before you do anything, he respects his mother.

He reveres his maker. And then as you begin to set out on your journey to see, is this person for me? Contemplate how God has orchestrated the events of your life to bring about his purposes. Contemplate how God has orchestrated the events of this other individual's life to bring about his purposes. If you are married today, you, of all people, need to contemplate the ways of God in your marriage. Why? Because God is controlling your life and your marriage. And what is God wanting to teach you in that relationship?

Contemplate the ways of God. Before I close, let me give you number two. Capitulate to the word of God. Capitulate to the word of God. Subject yourself to God's word, to God's commands, to God's precepts. There was only one prerequisite given to the servant. You shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites. You shall not do that. The principle given here is you need to capitulate to the word of God. Why do we get into a relationship that is wrong? Because we are unwilling to submit to what God's word says about that relationship.

Why is it our marriages suffer like they do? It's because we have a man or a woman who is unwilling to subject themselves to the commands of Almighty God. That's the biggest issue. So we need to say, Lord, whatever your word says, I will do. Be ye not unequally yoked together with the unbeliever. And yet we find men and women alike who will date the unbeliever. Call it missionary dating. And they will find themselves so emotionally tied, they can't logically think. That's Satan's greatest ploy in a dating relationship, to get you so emotionally tied, you can't logically think.

And yet God's word is very clear. When's the last time you had a man or a woman go to another individual and say, hey, you know what? I want to ask you a couple of questions. What do you believe about the return of Christ? What do you believe about eternal salvation and eternal security of the believer? What do you believe about regeneration? What do you believe about the work of the Spirit of God? What do you believe about spiritual gifts? We don't ask those questions. Why? Because we just take it for granted.

That's not a big deal. Let me tell you something. That's the only deal. That is the only deal. Because you'll find that when you get in your marriage, those things play a significant part in your life together and in the raising of your children. What does God's word say? And how willing is that man or that woman when to say, you know what, Lord? Whatever you say, that I will do. Abraham's servant knew what to do, knew what not to do, because he was told. You know what? So are you. So am I. God tells us.

God tells us in his word what to do. God tells us in his word where to go. He directs our steps. So just rather briefly, contemplate the ways of God. God rules. God is sovereign. God controls. God has someone for you. Don't be in too big a hurry. God will bring him to you. When I was praying for God to bring me a wife, God literally dropped Laurie at my office door at the King's College. He literally dropped her at my door. He brought her to me. I didn't have to go hunting for her. And today, I stand before you today in great joy through all the children that God has given to me.

Listen, there would be no Ashley or Andrew or Alexander Cade or Austin Joseph or Aaron or Anna if God didn't give me Laurie. I probably wouldn't even be here today. In fact, I know I wouldn't be here today. All these things God has brought about to accomplish his purpose in my life, all I have to say is that contemplate the ways of God. Watch how he works. And then capitulate yourself to the word of God. Submit to whatever God says, because that plays a very significant role in how you find a wife and whether or not you keep life.

Let's pray.