Domestic Disturbance...Defused, Part 2

I love what John Henry Jowett said when he said these words: The difference between a loud woman and a quiet spirit Is the difference between fireworks and sunshine? That's really good. He doesn't want you to be loud and boisterous. He wants you to be quiet. You know, sunshine is that continual warmth that comes down upon the body. Fireworks men are like big explosions that kind of go off hel, sc they're all over the place. And the woman and her attitude is to have one of gentleness, one of One of meekness, one who's able to control the power that she has and be quiet about it.

Peter says, This is precious in the sight of God. Why is it precious in the sight of God? It's precious in the sight of God because He's watching. And it reminds him of the way his son behaved when he was on earth. And that honors God. And then verses five and six. First, beware your actions.

Two, beautify your attitude. And three, bec more att. Verse 5: For in this way, in former times, the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. This is the way the holy women do it. This is the way they endorn themselves. This is what they focus on. They focus on the inner spirit. They focus on the inner quality. That doesn't mean that you don't look good on the outside. It's just that you spend more time on the inside than you do on the outside.

And then he says this: Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any f. Now, why does he throw this illustration in there? Why is it all of a sudden Sarah's there? And Sarah did this. Well, she's one of the holy women, see, in the past who adorned themselves. But what is Peter referring to? There's a time where she called Abraham Lord. Do you know who that was? Genesis chapter 18. Turn back to Genesis 18 with me for a second.

Genesis chapter 18. Sarah obeyed. Sarah listened. Sarah learned to respond to Abraham's directions. She learned to become more attentive to Abraham. But she had to learn that. See, Sarah was a strong woman. Sarah is a lot like you are. And she was married to a great man, the father of a great nation. And Sarah, like most of us, became very impatient, waiting for God to enact His plan. So, Sarah enacted her plan. She was going to help God out. And so she knew what was legal. So she did the legal thing.

Never mind it wasn't moral. Never mind it wasn't biblical. It was legal. And because it was legal, she could do it, so she thought. And so she went to Abraham and said, I got an idea. It's all legal. It's all above board. Everybody does it. So it must be okay. You can take my handmaid, Hagar. You can sleep with her. She can have a baby. And that will be the promised seed. Abraham said, That's a great idea, Sarah. That's the best idea you've had in all these years we've been married. So, what did he do?

Slept with Hagar. Hagar got pregnant. She had a baby. Ishmael Ishmael Sarah hated Hagar She hated Ishmael. I don't know why it was her idea. It was her plan. It was what she wanted to do. And y, it became a major problem for Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar. She kicked Hagar out of the house. And God finally told Hagar to go back to Abraham and Sarah, and she did.

But Sarah. Wanted to run the home. She had an idea. That would work. And after all, her husband wasn't doing anything about the promised seed coming. So she decided she would implement a plan. The unfortunate thing is, the ramifications of her behavior will last t the Lord comes again. Because Ishmael is the father of the Arab countries, Arab nations. And so Israel has always had problems ever since Genesis chapter 16. Because one woman decided to orchestrate the plan of God in her way, in her time, and yet she had to learn something.

She had to learn to be quiet, to be meek, to wait upon the Lord, to become more attentive to her husband. So she called him Lord. The text, Genesis 18. The angel of the Lord comes to Abraham. He speaks to him. He tells Abraham. That Sarah's going to have a baby. Well, Sarah's 89 years old. How on earth is she ever going to have a baby? Verse 9. Then they said to him, Where is Sarah your wife? And he said, Behold in the tent. And he said, I will surely return to you at this time next year. And behold, Sarah, your wife, shall have a son.

And Sarah was listening at the tent door. which was behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age. Sarah was past childbearing. And Sarah laughed to herself, saying, After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my Lord being old also? And the Lord said to Abraham, Why did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I indeed bear a child when I am so old? Is anything too difficult for the Lord? At the appointed time, I will return to you at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son. Sarah denied it, however, saying, I did not laugh, for she was afraid.

And he said, No. But you did laugh. Now this becomes very important to the context of 1 Peter chapter 3. Because you see, Peter is using Sarah as an illustration because Sarah didn't think that God could do what God said he was going to do. We find ourselves in a situation in our home that we're not sure God can do what God said He's going to do. And we laugh at God. We mock God. We scoff at God. And inside, we laugh. Ha! That's not going to happen. He's never going to get saved. He's never going to change.

Nothing's ever going to change in my home. And he uses Sarah as an illustration because it was our Lord who said, Is there anything too difficult for the Lord? You see, Sarah was hiding behind the tent door. She lied to the Lord. I didn't laugh. He says, Oh, but you did. See, God knows your heart. He knows your heart. Because she was afraid. See, there are a lot of women who are afraid. That in their situation with an unbelieving spouse, with a carnal husband, things not going the way they think they ought to go, they're afraid.

And God says, Is there anything too difficult for me? I don't think so. No, not at all. I can do it. Trust me. Don't laugh at me. Don't mock me. Don't become defensive. Sarah became very defensive. Huh, not me. I didn't do that. Oh, but you did, Sarah. You did. And God would deal with her. Sarah would learn to respect Abraham. And in Hebrews chapter 11, Sarah is in the hall of faith because her respect For Abraham, it was the result of her belief in God. You disrespect your husband because you disbelieve God.

And what he can do. When you believe God and what he can do, you respect your husband. Because you see, God's got to deal with your husband, right? He's got to deal with them. You can't change them. Oh, if we could change our spouses, boy, we could bottle it, sell it, and be millionaires. It just doesn't work that way. God changes people's lives. We can influence them. Peter talks about that, doesn't he? That you can win your husband without even saying a word because you have a meek and you have a quiet spirit.

You become more attentive to him and to his leadership, his direction. You learn to respect him. Why? Because you believe in your God who could do anything. As Sarah learned to believe in her God who could do anything. And it would revolutionize her marriage. It would revolutionize her family. Peter says, These words, frightened by any fear, afraid without any terror. Knowing that there would be some women who would be afraid of what might happen to them living in a house with an unbelieving man and how he might respond.

And Peter is using the illustration of Sarah to get us to understand how much we need to trust our Lord to accomplish a great work in the unbelieving spouse. Those are God's words for wives. Let me ask you this question.

Do you respect your husband? Are you attentive to your husband? What is the focus of your prayer life? Is it for your husband? Are you focused on the inner qualities of life? So that when your husband talks to you, when he sees you, he understands that on the inside there's something happening that he can't explain, that he doesn't know. But God knows your actions, do they portray your commitment to your God? Point number two, the mandates for married men.

You, husbands, likewise. Mutual submission, that voluntary selflessness, that willingness to give up what I think I need and I want for the benefit of my spouse. Husbands likewise. You have to have the same mentality. You have to approach things from the same direction. Live with your wives in an understanding way, as with the weaker vessel, since she is a woman, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be Be hindered. Four principles. Number one, live with her intimately.

Live with her intimately. I didn't say live with her sexually, I said live with her intimately. There is a big difference. Sex is a by of intimacy. Sex does not produce intimacy. The world has sold us a bill of goods in that category. Sex is a byproduct of an intimate lifestyle with your spouse. It flows out of intimacy. And Peter says, dwell with your wives. In other words, be at home. With your wives. Same word Paul uses in Colossians 3:16, where the word of Christ is to dwell in us richly, be at home in our hearts.

When you go home, you are to go home. Not just physically, but mentally. And you are to dwell with your w. Husbands are the ones responsible for the closeness in your relationship. Husbands be at home. Dwell richly with your w. Husbands need to understand every room of his wife's heart. He needs to be sensitive to her needs. As God's word is not to become a stranger to you, neither is your wife supposed to become a stranger to you. When Peter says, husbands, dwell with your wives, he doesn't say, dwell with them at the same address, dwell with them with the same phone number.

It's not about having the same address, the same phone number, living in the same location. It's about an intimate closeness. That's the responsibility of the husband. Live with her. Intimately. Know her ins and out. Dwell with her. Cultivate that rel. Don't let your wife become a stranger to you. So many times. So many times. The wife and the husband are strangers. Oh, they're married. They have sex. We know that because they've had kids. So they have a couple of kids, and, you know, they have a family, they go on family vacation together.

It doesn't mean they dwell intimately together. And a lot of families spend their whole time focusing in on the children. Husbands come home and what do they do? Spend all their time with their children. And what happens is that they don't cultivate the relationship with their wife, and one day their children grow up and are gone, and what's left? Two people who really don't know each other very well because their whole life was centered around their children. You got to be careful about that. You got to watch out for that.

You got to cultivate that relationship. You got to make sure you dwell with your wife. You live with her intimately. You communicate with her. Number two.

Learn her incessantly. Live with her intimately and learn her inc. Notice what he says: dwell with your wife.

How? He says, in an understand way. That 's the hardest verse in the Bible for me to obey. How on earth am I ever going to understand the most complicated creature God ever created? How does that happen? See, women are complex. You know, men are just, hmm, I can't even describe ourselves, myself, you know, but women are complex. They're put together in a very intricate kind of way. And so Peter says, you know what? Not only do you have to dwell with them, live with them intimately, you've got to learn them incessantly.

You've got to study them. You've got to make her your life's pursuit and understand. You gotta do all you can to understand her fears. What makes her tick? What floats her boat? What her emotions are like, what sets her off, what keeps her calm. Understand all those things. Know your wife. Know her in an understanding kind of way, not academically. It's not talking about, well, you know your wife, she's got brown hair, she's got brown eyes, she's five foot two, and she weighs so much, you know what I'm saying?

It's not talking about that. We know that. We can tell you that. All we're going to do is look at her.

You've got to know her in a significant kind of way. You've got to learn her incessant. Two things a man is always to study, his Bible and his bride. And forget about everything else. Because nothing else really matters. If he studies his Bible and studies his bride, everything just kind of falls into place. In that order, by the way. And that's what God says he's supposed to be doing.

What are her strengths? What are her delights? What are her hopes? What are her dreams? How do you help her work through her insecurities in the safety of your security? How do you do that? Learn her. In. Perceive her innermost make. Discern what are the deep-seated concerns that she has. Listen.

With your heart. Sometimes your wife talks to you and you don't listen. I find myself doing that every once in a while. And my wife says to me, Honey, Are you listening? Oh, yeah, I'm listening. What did I say? You said, I got it right here on the tip of my tongue. Oh, she goes, You weren listening, were you? No, I wasn't, dear. And you know what? She's right. I need to know what makes her the way she is. Dwell with your wife in an understanding way. Understand your wife. I mean, we want to understand our job, right?

Because we want to be successful at our job. And yet, do we want to be successful at our marriage? To do that, you've got to understand your wife. See? Thirdly, lead her intent.

Lead her int. Live with her intimately, learn her inc, and lead her intent. The Bible says these words: Live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a Woman, a weaker vessel.

It's a comparative term. Weaker than what? We're weaker than you. But you're weak too. Not talking about mentally weak, not talking about spiritually weak. Not talking about intellectually weak, it's talking about her being physically weak. She's the weaker vessel. She needs to be led by someone who is strong, who is secure. Who's able to give her guidance and direction? So you lead her intently. God has given the responsibility to man to lead in a proper way. And to lead in a humble way, and to lead in a submissive kind of way.

Where she is weak, you need to be strong, where she is confused. You need to be confident. You need to be the flip side of what she is to help her through difficulties in her life. You need to lead her int. Lead her in the ways of God. If you were to ask your wife tonight, where am I leading you? What would she say? Where are we going? She might say, I don't know. Where are you going? She might even say, I don't know. I'm just following your lead, and you don know where you're going, so I'm just following you wherever you go.

She might say, Well, you know, honey, I do know where we're going because of your leadership. I know where our family's going. I know where our personal lives are going. You need to lead her intently. That's your responsibility. And fourthly, love her intensely. Love her int. It says these words gr her honor Wow, that's so good Let me give you a little hint here.

If you go over to 1 Peter 1, verse number 19, it says this. Verse 18, know that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your feudal way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with what? Precious blood. How we're redeemed with the precious blood of the Lamb. The word precious, same word translated honor in 1 Peter chapter 3, verse number 7. That is, gr her the precious value she deserves. She must be the most precious possession you have. That's how you grant her honor.

You love her intensely. You're wrapped around her. You give yourself to her. We honor them as if they are the most prized possession in all the world. How valuable. How costly is your wife? How high is she on your priority list? Where does she fall in line when it comes to answering or returning her phone calls each day at work? Where does she fall in line? When you come home from work, who is the first person you want to see?

Is it your kids or is it your wife? I hope and pray it's your wife and not your kids. Because if it's your kids, guess what? They have supplanted your wife as a priority in your life. And guess what? They know it. They know it. When you come home, do you want to see your kids more or do you want to see your wife more? Do you grant her honor as the most prized possession of your life? That should be the most important thing ever when you get home a beel to wherever she is How's your day? How'd it go?

You can have kids hanging on you, screaming for your attention all you want. All you can do is say, just one moment. I want to honor your mother. Just give me a minute. I'll get back to you. You don't ignore your children, but you help them understand where they are in the family. They're number two behind mom.

See, once they become number one, then they rule the house. And they know it. See? So when you keep them in proper place, they know that they're under mom. And they treat mom with dignity, res, because she is the prized possession owned by their father. Very important. Listen to verse 7 at the end so that your prayers may not be hindered. Wow. One man said this, the sighs of the wounded wife come between the husband's prayers and God's ears. The sigh of the wounded wife come between the husband's prayers and God's ear.

How many times have we found ourselves as men unable to find direction from God because we've mistreated our wives? They're not the honorable possession. That we have. We don't grant them honor. They are due. Many times. You notice that in the text, there's nothing about your Rights, is there?

Does Peter say anything about your rights? No. He says everything about what? Your responsibility. The principle is this, when rights are relinquished, you can relish your responsibility. And Peter gives us our responsibility. And the question comes: is this what we want to do? Do we want to obey what God has said and follow his word? These seven verses produce harmony in your home. They diffuse disturbance in your home. And they cause your home to reflect the grace and glory of God.