Domestic Distrubance...Defused, Part 1

1 Peter chapter 3 is where we are tonight. 1 Peter chapter 3. Not quite halfway through the book yet, but we're slowly but surely making our way. And we want to talk about domestic disturbance and how it can be diffus in our homes. When I came across the passage for this evening, and once again the opportunity to talk about the husband, the wife, the marriage, the home, to realize that there are principles that are laid out in the scriptures that if we just would follow. Everything would be a lot easier than what it is.

You know, we tend to make marriage much more difficult than it is. We tend to make life much more difficult than it really is. And you know why that is? That's because we are really selfish people. Now, maybe that's not you, but it is me. And so I realized that the more selfish I am, the more h it is in my marriage. The less selfish I am, the easier it is in my marriage. And Peter is going to address some issues that are very pertinent to your life and to mine. We're in the midst of a section that began in chapter 2, verse number 13, that goes all the way to the end of chapter 3.

It's a section that deals with how people who are unfairly treated need to respond. In verses 13 and 17, it dealt with citizens in the community. Verses 18 and 20, it talks about sl, those who work for a certain employer. And then in verses 21 to 25, we get that supreme illustration, of course, of Christ and how He was able to bear up under difficult circumstances and give us a perfect illustration of how we are to live our lives. In chapter 3, verses 1 to 6, Peter talks to the wives. Verse number 7, he talks to the husbands.

In verses 8 to 12, he talks about how we are to get along one with another. And then in chapters 13, verse 1 through verse number 17 of chapter 3, he talks about as citizens. As Christians in society being mistreated, how are we to live our lives? And the key element through all of it is one word, and that is the word submission. Now that's a word we don't necessarily like to talk about. We don't like to necessarily follow. But submission is the key element. And it's a word that Peter uses. It's a military term that means to fall in rank.

That is, we are to sub ourselves to others for the purpose. Of obeying our God. I guess a real short definition of submission is voluntary selflessness. That's submission. Voluntary selflessness. We willingly, voluntarily set aside our rights, our desires. To ser someone else, it's something that happens when pride d. So you know if you have a hard time when it comes to submission, you have a real hard time getting rid of your pride. In fact, we read a verse on Sunday, Proverbs 16, verse number 5, that says that every who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord.

Assuredly, he will not be un. An arrogant heart, a prideful heart, a selfish heart just destroys your own life. And Paul would say over in the book of Philippians, the second chapter, a very familiar verse, verse number three, it says, Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.

but with humility of mind, that each of you regard one another as more important than himself. That really is what submission is all about. Looking at someone else and saying, You're more important than I am. And yet, we tend to think that we are the most important people around. And we want people to treat us that way. And in order for the disturbance in our homes to subside, we need to understand the whole realm of submission to one another and what that means. And so I want to read to you the first seven verses of 1 Peter chapter 3, and then we'll spend time looking at wise words for wives.

Mandates for married men. All right? Verse number one, chapter three: In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands.

So that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. And let not your adornment be merely external, braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way, in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being submissive.

To their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you have become her children, if you do what is right, without being frightened by any fear. You husbands, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel. since she is a woman, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. So that your prayers May not be hindered. Wise words for wives. Now, the very first thing you notice about the text is: what?

There are six verses for women and one for man. Why is that? Well, for the man, it's the facts, nothing but the facts. You know, don't go into great detail, you lose them. So you just got to be real short, real sweet, real simple. Because you don't want to make it too difficult for him. Alright? The longer you go, the more difficult it is for the man to handle it. So the Lord gives it in very succinct language. Here it is: one verse. This is all you got to do. But for the women, for the women, it's a little different.

Why is that? Well, simply this: if I'm a woman and I give my life to Christ, And I'm living in a home with an unbelieving husband, then the ramifications of my life are greater than they are if the husband becomes a believer and lives with an unbelieving wife. The husband can lead the way, and he can bring his wife to church, and he can lead his family, and yet the wife has a different role. And in those days, the women were looked down upon in the families. And so, therefore, she had a more difficult role to sustain.

And so, Peter spends some time explaining what it is she is supposed to do and why she's supposed to do it. And then he gives a remarkable illustration about one woman. The woman whose name means, by the way, princess Sarah, and how she learned to obey Abraham. And we'll talk in a few moments. About that as well. But three principles I want to give you that we have called wise words for wives. First is this: beware of your actions.

Bew of your actions. Now, Peter specifically is talking to women who are married to unbelieving men. If you're here tonight and you're married to a man that might be a believer but lives in carnality and sin or is having a hard time following the Lord, the principles apply to you as well. If you're here tonight and you've got a great marriage, the principles apply to you as well. The principles apply across the board for every married couple. But Peter specifically is targeting those women who have an unbelieving.

Husband. And then he'll target those men because he'll say, and likewise, you men, targeting men who have unbelieving wives and the ministry they have to their spouse. The first thing I want you to notice in terms of your actions is to understand what Peter doesn't say.

What he doesn't say. Because what he says is important. What he doesn't say is also important. You would think that if someone gave their life to Christ, that God would say, okay, you know what? Why don't you just leave them? Abandon them so you can live in peace. But you know what? The Bible speaks against that. It does. Turn with me in your Bible to 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

Peter doesn't tell the believing wife to abandon her unbelieving husband. The text says in 1 Corinthians 7, verse number 13, these words. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. That is, if the unbelieving husband wants to live with the believing wife, don't give Him a bill of divorcement. Don't cast them away. Don't leave them. Don't send them off. Instead, stay with them. Why? Verse 14. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife.

Sanctified through his wife. And the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. For otherwise, your children are unclean, but now They are holy. There's something that happens in the marriage when you become a Christian and your spouse is an unbeliever. They fall under the umbrella of God's protection. It doesn't mean that they're saved. You know, there's no such thing as group salvation. Okay, we look at group insurance and think that because there's family insurance, there's family salvation.

It doesn't work that way. Everybody stands before the throne of God individually, not corporately as a family. And therefore, you have to understand that the unbelieving husband now has become sanctified by his wife, has become a part of the blessings and graces that she receives because he's in the home. Likewise, the wife who is an unbeliever, under the umbrella of the husband who is a believer, she too receives the blessings and the graces. That are coming that come his way because of his relationship to the L.

It is not true. Listen. That the unbelieving spouse is going to defile the believing spouse. We tend to think that if we become a Christian and we live in our home with an unbelieving husband or unbelieving wife, that we could become defiled or certain things could happen to us that are bad and it's going to corrupt me. No. It's the opposite. That unbeliever now becomes sanctified by the believer. And so Paul says, through the Spirit of God, don't cast them away. Stay with them. But note, read on.

Yet, if the unbelieving one leaves, Let him leave. The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us. To peace. If the unbeliever departs, if they decide they want to divorce you, then let them leave. It's a command. Let them go. Don't go after them. Why? Because God's called you to peace. So, if the unbeliever decides, I'm out of here, I don't want to part your religion, I don want to part your God, I don want to part your life, I am leaving you, Paul says, let him go.

Let him go. They're leaving. They're leaving the protective influence. They're leaving the sanctifying influence. You can't divorce them. You can't let them go as a believer. But if the unbeliever says, I'm out of here. You let him go. Verse 16. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will sa your wife? Answer, you don't. Right? You don't know. That's why you don't divorce them. Because you don't know what God's going to do. For some, it's quicker than others.

For some, it's longer than others. But you never know what God's going to do. And your influence is important. Peter wants to address the influence of that believing spou and the impact that spouse has with their unbelieving spouse. That 's important. Peter also doesn't say that you're to sit down and argue with your husband. You know, no one has ever been argued into the kingdom, no one has ever been nagged into the kingdom. This doesn't work that way. So, Peter doesn't talk to you about, or doesn't say to you that you should argue to them or debate with them about Christianity, about religion.

He doesn't say that. Instead, he has another way you are to live your life. What does he say? He says simply this. To the wise. In the same way, well, what way is that? Well, the same way he's been talking about it since chapter 2, verse number 13: the whole realm of submission. In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your husbands. Now the direct Parallel to that is the following verse, the previous verses, where he talks about Christ and his submission in spite of unfair treatment. Now, you wives, be submissive to your husbands.

In fact, twice he says it, he says it down over in verse number five. He says, being submissive to their own husbands. So twice he uses that word submission. As sl are submissive to their masters, as citizens are submissive to the government and society, likewise you wives now be submissive. And before you ever go off kil to here, understand this: that in verse number seven, he says, And likewise Husbands, like what? Like the wives, like the slaves, like the citizens. You see, there's a realm of submission for the husband, too.

See? Everyone is to submit to one another. Isn't that what Paul said over in the book of Ephesians, the fifth chapter, when he said this in verse number 21? Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Then he goes on and talks about the wives and the husbands and the children and the parents. It's all about submission. The only way there can be harmony in the home is if everybody submits to everybody else. When somebody decides, you know what, I'm going to be in control here, I'm going to rule this thing, I'm going to run roughshod over everybody, you're going to have problems.

But when you realize that everybody is to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ, now you can begin to have harmony in your home. Disharmony develops when You refuse to submit in the fear of Christ. That's when you have problems. So, what does that mean? How does that actually work itself out? You know, when Peter talks about the wife submitting to the husband, you know, it's important to understand something. In order for there to be any kind of function in any instit, submission is absolutely essential.

In order for the triune God to function as he does, submission is absolutely essential. The Son sub to the Father's will. Did he not? Did he not submit himself to his Father's will? How else was the whole saving act going to happen unless the Son of God would submit him to God the Father? You say, well, they're all one. Yeah, they are one. Yet there are three distinct persons. And yet, submission is crucial to the God. And so we need to realize that in your family, submission is crucial. And it's important to note that.

The only healthy relationships in which a child will ever grow up in is where there is a single authority and no confusion about that authority in the home. If there is ever a confusion about who's in charge in the home or who has the authority in the home, the child will grow up in a state of supreme confusion. So, you need to understand that. And you need to understand how husbands operate and how wives operate. That's why God's given us His word to show us exactly how that is supposed to take place.

So, Peter says. Bew your actions. Make sure you understand that you are to submit to your husbands. And he says this. He says it's important because your ob is to win them over without ever speaking a word. You see, we really want to win somebody over, so what do we do? We start to talk. And the more we talk, the more we open mouth, insert foot many, many times. And sometimes we just open our mouths to change feet every once in a while. But we need to understand that we want to win them without a word.

It doesn't mean you win them without the word of God because we know that faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God, right? But it's the element of the kind of behavior that the woman is to exemplify in the home to an unbelieving husband. It says this. So that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, that is, they're unbelievers, they may be one without a word. by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respect behavior. Your behavior needs to be first of all chaste.

That is pure. That is clean. That is white. That is Holy, a chaste behavior. When you begin to say immoral things, when you begin to speak out against your husband, when you begin to rip him apart verbally. When you begin to do those kinds of things, tear him down in front of the children, they're not going to be won by your chaste behavior. That's going to cause them to rebel against your behavior. After all, you're a child of God, right? And as a child of God, your life is to be different than everybody else who is not a child of God.

So that behavior must be faithful and morally pure. That's why the thoughts and the words Or the thoughts in your mind, the words in your mouth must come out in a way that honor and glorify the Lord. And this is something that all of us, men and women alike, need to. To hold in check. When Ashley was ten years old, I read a book to her. And the key verse in that book was Psalm 45, verse number 13, where it says, The king's daughter is all glorious within. That's a great verse. The king's daughter is all glorious within.

Talks about the inner beauty of the woman, the young lady. It's clean. It's pure. It's holy. Because what's on the inside is ultimately going to manifest itself on what? The outside. What's in my heart, I'm going to start saying, right? Out of the abundance of the mouth, the heart speaks. Excuse me, but if the heart, the mouth speaks. So, what's on the inside is going to come out someway, somehow. And so, Peter exhorts the women to beware of their act. That they may observe your chaste and res behavior or your chaste conduct by fear.

Fear of what? The fear of God. Peter over and over again addresses our relationship with our God because we're accountable to Him. He is our authority. We are to respond to him. We are to respect him. We are to live in obedience to God. We do this for our husbands out of the fear of God. We do this for our husbands because we love God. See, it's not about whether or not you love your husband. It's all about whether or not you love God. See? That's what it's about. And if you do, then you're going to be of the actions you portray.

Number two, beautify your attitude. Beautify your attitude. Verse 3. And let not your adornment be merely external. Now, the word adornment, cosmos, is a word where we get our English word. Cosmetics. It's translated many times world in how the world is arranged in an orderly fashion. Well, we also get the English word cosmetic from that. And the opposite of cosmetic is chaos. Now you get the point Peter says don't let your adornment don't let your cosmetic be merely external Now, I like that the translators added the word merely there.

It's in italics, so it's not part of the original, but it doesn't mean that you should never care about how you look on the outside. Some people take that to the wrong degree. You should always care about how you look in front of your husband, right? You should seek to do your best, to dress your best, to look your best. But he says, Don't let your ador be merely external, the braiding of the hair, the wearing of gold jewelry, and putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious.

In the sight of God. You see, there's something precious in the sight of God. That's the inner beauty of the woman. What's on the inside? That gentle, that meek, and quiet spirit. See, Peter wants to put in the background the externals and in the foreground the internals. You follow me? He wants to be in the forefront that which is on the inside, that imperishable quality, that quality that lasts beyond the years. Into the growing old years of the meek and quiet spirit. Now that word meek is not talking about your weakness or your timidity or your shyness.

It speaks about, listen, strength that's controlled. Strength that's controlled. Because every woman is strong. You might not think you are, but ladies, you're very strong. We've told you this before. Genesis 3 tells us how strong you are. You will seek to dominate your husband. You will seek to dominate the family. That's the curse that has come upon women as a result of the fall. Women are strong. And yet Peter says they are to exemplify a meek spirit. Same word used of our Lord in Matthew 11, 28, as well as Matthew 21, where the one coming on the donkey would be the meek one.

It's the word that describes our Lord, who had all the power, all the control, and would be able to subdue it. In his own being. That's the meek spirit. It's the opposite of a fighting spirit. It's the opposite of an argumentative spirit. It's the meek spirit. And of course, Christ in 2 Timothy or 2 Peter 2, verses 21 to 25, is that perfect example of the meek spirit.