Divorce and Remarriage, Part 1

Michael McManus in his article in July of 1996 said, can marriage be tried on like a shoe? Absolutely not. Cohabitation is the worst possible step a couple can take. The National Survey of Families and Households found in 1989 that 40% of live-in relationships broke up short of marriage. Add to this the fact that marriages that are preceded by living together have a 50% higher rate of divorce or separation than marriages without premarital cohabitation, end quote. So the world solution isn't working too well either.

The more they live together, the more they will divorce, the more they will separate. So what does God say about divorce and remarriage? The reason God speaks about these issues and the reason he comes out strong on the issue of marriage, remarriage, divorce, and the reason we should come out strong on it is because God's word speaks explicitly to it. Whatever God speaks to, we should address emphatically. Now note this, and note it very carefully. I don't know what your background is. I don't know where you've been, and I don't know what you have done.

But understand that no one in this church is here to condemn anyone who's had a divorce. So let me say at the outset, if you have been through a divorce and the devastating effects of that, that breakup, understand that we at Christ Community Church are not here to condemn anybody that falls in that category.

Nor are we here to critique your past. What has happened has happened. We can't change the past. All we can do is begin tonight and deal with what God says and deal with our lives in light of what God says and move from there.

With that, understand that my desire is to compassionately communicate what God says in His word about divorce and remarriage.

I would not be able to preach to you the whole counsel of God if I passed over this issue. And we are committed to preaching the whole counsel of God here at Christ Community Church. In my prayer, your commitment to the Master will become deeper, making your commitment to your marriage even deeper still. Having said that, I know that there will be misunderstandings. I know that there is a chance you will be offended. That's inevitable. It's probably going to happen to some degree. Although that's not my desire, although that's not what we intend to do, misunderstandings happen.

And so what I'm asking is that you listen very carefully to make sure you understand exactly what we're saying. Those of you in the room tonight will fall into one of four categories about what you believe concerning divorce and remarriage. One, some of you believe that there is no divorce and no remarriage at any time for any reason. There are some who believe that. Number two, there are some who believe that divorce is permitted under certain circumstances, but there is never any circumstance where you can remarry.

Number three, some believe that divorce and remarriage are permitted under certain circumstances. And then, of course, there's a fourth group, those who believe in divorce and remarriage at any time for any cause. You fall into one of those four categories. The scribes and Pharisees in Matthew chapter 5 fall under the fourth category. Turn with me in your Bible, if you would, to Matthew chapter 5.

And Jesus sums up his teaching on divorce and remarriage in two verses. Amazing. It's going to take us at least three weeks to figure out what these two verses say. But Jesus just goes right through it in a matter of four or five seconds in two verses on the Sermon on the Mount. He says, Matthew chapter 5, verse number 31 and 32, and it was said, whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery.

And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. That's what Jesus says about divorce and remarriage.

Point number one on our outline is the rabbinical teaching. And what Jesus is doing is contrasting what their tradition said to what God actually did say. You see, these Jews had a situation where they could divorce their wife for anything. If she burned the meal, hey, man, unload her. Get somebody else. If she embarrassed you in public, you were able to write her a bill of divorcement, and you could move on. The bottom line was, just make sure you did the paperwork. And if you did the paperwork, everything was legal.

Jesus comes on the scene and says, well, wait a minute. That's what you've been taught. But what is the real truth? To understand the real truth and to understand the rabbinical tradition in its contrast, two things must be made very clear. What is this? The rabbinical tradition disregarded the divine plan. And number two, it distorted the Deuteronomy passage.

That is, Deuteronomy chapter 24, verses 1 to 4. You must understand that. But you've got to go back to the very beginning. You can't understand anything about divorce unless you understand what God says about marriage.

Turn back with me to Matthew chapter 19. It says this. Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female? And said, for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Consequently, they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Christ says, look, your argument is with God.

You have got to go back to the Word of God and make your decision based on what God has already said and what God has already established. Jesus is upholding the authority of the Word of God. And so many people get confused about divorce and remarriage because they don't want to read what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage.

And once they read it, they're not sure they want to believe it and do it. And Christ says, look, the divine plan involves four key elements that help you understand what God thinks about marriage.

He who created them from the beginning made them male and female. Genesis chapter 1, verse number 27. It takes them all the way back to the beginning. In the Hebrew text it's very emphatic. It says this, He made the one male and the one female. That's very important to understand because the union that Jesus Christ developed from eternity past was a purposeful union. There was to be one man. There was to be one woman. God didn't create a plethora of men and a plethora of women so that Adam could choose between which women he wanted to have and Eve could choose which man she wanted to have.

God didn't do that. He created the one man and He created the one woman. In other words, He did not create a group of males and a group of females so that they could pick and choose whatever they wanted to have. There were no spares. There were no options. There were no provisions for alternate spouses or multiple spouses. For that very reason, Christ says, divorce from the very beginning was never an option because it was a purposeful union.

Whenever you get married, and young people, if you're hoping one day God's going to let you get married, you must ask and examine what that person you wish to marry, what their view is on divorce and remarriage. You've got to ask that question. What do you believe the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage? If you don't ask that question, don't marry them. You've got to marry somebody who says, divorce is not an option for me. You've got to marry somebody who says, look, I believe in a purposeful union.

I believe in a permanent union. I believe in a precious union that God ordained from eternity past and I'm committed to you for life. You must ask that question. I asked Lori that question. Number two, it was to be a permanent union.

For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife. The parents didn't leave. The son leaves. And the son leaves one relationship and he cleaves. He is glued together. He is stuck together in another relationship. God meant marriage to be for life, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, for sickness and in health till death do you part. Just for curiosity's sake, how many of you said those words when you got married? All right. Good. How many of you understood those words when you were at the altar?

Raise your hand. Okay. That's interesting because I didn't understand those words. I didn't. I said them because everybody else said them. I said them because the preacher said them before me and I followed him. But what happens when your wife is sick? What happens when your husband is poor? What happens when things are worse? What happens then? Well, they don't teach those things in seminary. You got to hope that you can fly by the seat of your pants. You don't understand the ramifications of those words until you really get into them.

Do you? And then your commitment's tested. Better yet, your verbal integrity is tested. We need to view our partner as one, not as an additional application to my life. One plus one is one in the realm of marriage. It is an indivisible number. You are to cleave to that one and become one flesh. One flesh. And we need to understand that there's so many times that people get married and they don't understand that oneness. It's more than just physical oneness. It's emotional oneness. It's financial oneness.

It's social oneness. It's everything that Jesus Christ pictured. Everyone being together as one. It's a permanent union. In fact, turn back with me to Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter 5. And Paul addresses the issue of oneness and its permanence. Verse number 22. Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church. He himself being the savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ so also wives ought to be subject to husbands and everything.

Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. That he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church because we are members of his body.

For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. What the Lord God does is go all the way back to Genesis chapter 2 again. Why? To deal with the permanent union of marriage. Now follow very carefully with me. Understand this. That the primary reason for marriage is not that you will be happy. In fact that's number four on the list. The primary reason for marriage is not so that your needs will be met.

Follow very carefully. The primary reason for marriage is so that you will picture the relationship of Jesus Christ the bridegroom to the church, the body of Christ the bride. That is the number one reason God instituted marriage.

He did not institute it so that you get your needs met. He wants to be able to picture to the world Christ's relationship to the church. So the picture is very clear in Ephesians chapter 5. Husbands love your wives, how? As Christ loved the church. That's your standard. Husbands don't love your wife as your pastor loves his wife. Don't love your wife as your father loved his wife. That is not the standard. That is an inadequate standard. You love your wife as Christ himself loves the church. Why?

Because you see your marriage is a picture of that relationship. So on a human level we are to picture a divine relationship to a world that so desperately needs to understand Jesus Christ. That is not spoken very often when people want to get married. This is why God hates divorce. Malachi 2, 16. He hates divorce because what it does is it destroys the most beautiful picture in the world of the church, the body of Christ and its relationship to the bridegroom, the Lord Jesus Christ. You follow? That's important to understand.

Happiness depends on what? My relationship to God. Not my relationship to my spouse. Christ says I come to give you life, John 10, 10, and that that life might be an abundant kind of life.

Your joy and your happiness is centered around Jesus Christ, not your spouse. If we were to talk to people and say, look, you want to get a divorce. Let me ask you a question.

Who above all else do you want to please? Who do you want to please? Do you want to please yourself? Then you need to get divorced. Do you want to please some other woman? Then you need to get divorced. Do you want to please God? Then you can't get divorced. Because from the very beginning, Christ says it was not so.

I designed a union that is to be purposeful. I designed a union that is to be permanent. And number three, I designed a union that is to be very, very precious.

Very precious. And that is two becoming one flesh. That's a magnificent thing. No longer are the two two. The two are one. And you know, when you come together and you have children, that is the incarnation of your love, right? And that baby comes out, it's a beautiful child, but you are never one flesh with your children. Never. You never will be one flesh with your children. But you're always one flesh with your wife, with your husband. It's the most precious union in the world. Man, wife, woman, coming together to be husband and wife.

And God puts them together and they become one flesh. And the only thing that separates that oneness is death. But you put there. You see? And inevitably you find that those people, when problems arise in the second marriage, don't deal with that issue, but find another way out, another escape route.

Instead of dealing with the real issues as to why there is such severe conflict in the marriage. Christ says from the very beginning, it was to be a purposeful union.

It was to be a kind of union that's to be permanent. It's the kind of union that would be very, very precious. One flesh. And fourthly, it's a predestined union. A predetermined union. Christ says in Matthew chapter 19, when he is quoting Genesis, he says, look, consequently, they are no longer two but one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Do you know that God joined you together with your spouse? Do you understand the implications of that? Whether you are two Christians who are married, whether you are a Christian with a non-Christian, whether you have an arranged marriage, God joined you together with that spouse in eternity past. It's a predestined union. It is a predetermined union. We don't like to think of it that way, but the Bible says what God has joined together, somehow your marriage is a creation in heaven that's lived out on earth.

Proverbs 19.14 says this, House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. If you are still in Matthew 19, Christ would go on to say, or the question would be asked, they said to him, why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away? Now we're going to talk about that, not tonight, but next week. And Christ comes back and says, because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it has not been this way.

This was not the original plan. This is not what God designed. He designed a union that is to be precious, permanent, purposeful, and that was predetermined in eternity past. He goes on to say this, and I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for immorality and marries another woman commits adultery. Now here's what I want you to understand, verse number 10. The disciple said to him, if the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it's better not to marry. Lord, you've got to be kidding me.

You mean to tell me that the only way that I can get out of a marriage is if my wife is an adulteress. If that's the only way I can get out, why get married? You see, the disciples believed the same way the Pharisees believed. They were brought up in the same tradition. You can divorce your wife for any cause. Just do the paperwork. You can't divorce your wife for any cause. There has to be a biblical ground except for the cause of immorality. And the disciples come back and are totally flabbergasted.

You've got to be kidding me. It is better for us not to even get married then, Lord. We can't even begin to comprehend that. What if we marry somebody who's committed to faithfulness? That means we've got to stay with her forever. That was the intent. You see, they kept themselves from having adulterous relationships because they had their tradition passed down to them that they could divorce a wife for any cause at all. And then they can write her a little divorcement. It's over. She's free to go on and remarry.

And they can marry that sweet little thing they saw walking down the street down to the synagogue last week. And that would all be legal and that would not be adultery. But Christ says, wait a minute, time out.

That's adultery. Because you have violated the law of God that He set up from the very, very beginning. The disciples say, man, it's better to be single than to get trapped in a relationship you can't get out of. You see that? And so the disciples were absolutely dumbfounded. Understanding Genesis 2, you realize that God never desires the oneness to be broken. Divorce is a denial of God's will and a destruction of God's work. Because from the beginning, Christ says, it was not so.

That's why the Lord God said in Malachi 2, verse number 16, I hate divorce.