Blueprints for Marital Bliss, Part 3

Over the four plus decades that I've had the chance to be involved in pastoral ministry, there really isn't much that I have not seen or heard of when it comes to marriages. So many things that have happened over those 40 plus years have happened in my office or in my home or some place and listening to the woes of people's lives is astonishing at some times. But to realize that marital bliss is possible.

Marital bliss is possible if number one, you focus on the benchmarks and follow the blueprint. Marital bliss is possible. No matter who you are, no matter how long you've been married, how short you've been married, marital bliss is always possible.

So five weeks ago, as we were going through Matthew 5:30 and 31, about divorce and remarriage on Wednesday nights and answering some of the questions that you had and Lori and I were getting ready to go to Mexicali to do a couples retreat and we're getting ready to embark on John chapter 2, the wedding at Cana. I thought it best to give you what I would give to the people at the retreat in Mexicali here at our church, a little bit more lengthy here than there, but I thought this would be the best time to do that. And so we have been looking at the benchmarks of marital bliss.

That was the first two weeks. Now this is the third week on the blueprints of marital bliss. We haven't even talked about the battle against marital bliss, but that's for another time on another topic down the road, maybe.

But today we want to finish the blueprints. There are 14 of them. We've given you four.

So I'm going to cover 10 in the next 33 minutes and let you know what those 10 are that you might be able to apply them to your life. If you don't think I can do that, you're wrong. I did it in the first service.

So it can be done. It is possible for me to cover more than one point per sermon. And so the plan today is to finish that for you.

So next week when you come, we'll embark on the second chapter of John, the wedding at Canaan, and it will open up to you some things that you have never, ever seen before, I promise. And it will be so rewarding once you understand the wedding at Canaan of Galilee. But before that, let's finish the blueprints for marital bliss.

We covered with you number one. The number one was, you need to realize what God has already said from the beginning. That's what Jesus says to the Pharisees in Matthew chapter 19.

When he said, have you not read? Read what? What Moses said when he recorded the words of Jesus in Genesis 2, verse number 24. That verse, one verse given to us by the Lord is the one verse that will revolutionize every marriage. Why? Because that's the one verse that God gives about marriage from his lips so that you will understand that for this cause a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

If you understand that verse and know the implications of that verse, that's all you need to know for marital bliss. Because that's God's commentary on marriage. So you need to be able to go back and realize what God has said from the very beginning.

Number two, once you do that, you need to recommit your life to the person and purpose of Christ. Once you realize what he said, you say, okay, Lord, I'm going to recommit myself to you and your purposes that I might fulfill this in my marriage.

Number three, you need to recognize that the days you have together are truly numbered. You don't have forever. And because your days are numbered, you cherish every moment, every opportunity, every situation as it's your last. When you do that, marital bliss is right around the corner. But you've got to cherish those moments.

Number four, we've already covered, re-evaluate the state of your marriage. Where is your marriage? What state is your marriage in? Is it in the state of delight? The state of despair? The state of discouragement? The state of depression? Which state is your marriage in? We covered that for you last Sunday morning.

Today we move on to number five. Number five is this. Review your priorities regularly.

Review your priorities regularly. You know, every one of us lives by priorities. We have priority number one, number two, number three, number four.

We live according to what we think is the most important. And our days are governed by our priorities. Our relationships are governed by our priorities.

Everything about our life is governed by a priority in life. But as a Christian you have three main priorities that you must simply review regularly to make sure they're in proper order.

The first one deals with the master and his mandates. The second one deals with your marriage and its ministry. And the third deals with the marketplace and your mission. Those are your three main priorities and they are in that order.

The first is the master and his mandates. What does God say about marriage? What does God say about my life? What are his mandates for me to follow? If the master and his mandates are priority number one, then everything follows that.

Which leads to my marriage and my ministry? In other words, whatever God says about my marriage and my ministry in my marriage, I must follow because my marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship to the church.

And number three, the marketplace and my mission. The place I work. The place I go to school. The place where God has called me to live out my spiritual existence. It's an arena. Every one of us lives in an arena.

It could be the arena of your school, the arena of your job. But in that arena, you live out your spiritual existence. That marketplace is your mission in life, where you represent Jesus Christ, our Lord.

And if your master and his mandates are priority number one, and your marriage and its ministry are priority number two, then when you go to work, or you go to school, or go to wherever you go throughout the day, your mission will be accomplished because you're going to honor and glorify the name of Christ because you're going to follow his mandates.

So many times we get our priorities all rearranged, or we have other things that are our priority other than those three. And whenever that's the case, there will be difficulties in my marriage.

So if I want to experience marital bliss, I must understand the blueprint that says I got to review regularly my priorities in life. What are my priorities? Who am I living for? And what am I living for?

And then number six, reflect often on your interactions with one another and on the goodness of God. Reflect often on your interactions with one another and the goodness of God.

So many times we don't ever think about how we interact. Have you ever noticed that some of our our conversation is very caustic? It can be very cutting, very demeaning, very derogatory in our marriage. We don't think about it when we're saying it.

We just do it. And it comes out the wrong way. Our interaction with one another needs to be of such that it honors the Lord and glorifies his name.

If you're reflecting on the goodness of God, you'll notice that your interactions with one another are a lot better than normal. So you should reflect often on the goodness of God because God is good. He who finds a wife finds a good thing.

No good thing does the Lord withhold from those who walk uprightly. God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose. Hebrews 6 says God's word is good.

Romans 12 says God's will is good. Everything about God is good. But we don't reflect very often on the goodness of God and what he has done in our lives, let alone on our interactions with one another.

But so many times the things that we say, the way we talk to our husband or wife is not the same way we would talk to our boss at work. You ever notice that? Try saying what you say to your boss at work, what you say to your wife during the day and see if you have a job tomorrow. Probably not, right? And so we need to reflect often on our interactions with one another and make sure we don't let the sun go down upon a rat because that gives opportunity for the devil according to Ephesians 4:26 and 27.

Which leads us to point number seven, and that is this, reach out to one another with love and acceptance. Once you reflect on your interactions with one another and the goodness of God, reach out to one another with love and acceptance. Reach out to one another.

Love is something that always takes the initiative. Love always reaches. Love does not wait to be reached.

Love always reaches. Love is always active. Love is always going after.

That's what love does. And therefore I reach out to one another with love and acceptance. How many of you remember what the preacher preached on at your wedding? How many of you remember what the verse he covered or the verses he covered at your wedding? Most people don't.

I put Tom Mason on the spot in the first service because he will be married 25 years come this May, 2027 in May. So I asked, Tom, do you remember what I preached on at your wedding? Of course he knows. He said, yes, Proverbs 24:3 and 4. He's right. It's exactly what I preached on.

Do you remember what your pastor preached on at your wedding? Ashley and Dustin, I won't put you on the spot because you probably don't remember. That's okay. I'm not even sure what I preached on at your wedding. So no, I do. I used the acrostic rose. Remember that? See? See? Yeah, you were right. If you, if you guessed an acrostic, it's probably true.

But yeah, we used the word for rose because Ashley Rose is her name and used the acrostic rose for Ashley's responsibilities and Dustin's responsibilities.

But when Lori and I got married, do you remember what your dad preached on? Colossians chapter 3, verse 12. John preached on this.

It says these words, Colossians 3, verse number 12. So as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving each other. Whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. And beyond all these things, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

And John in that sermon would emphasize these words. He would say that love is the golden chain of all the virtues. And he talked about how love is manifested in the marriage. Because you see, we need to reach out to one another with love and acceptance, recognizing that we forbear with one another. We have patience with one another. We show kindness to each other, living in humility one with another. But beloved, beyond all those things, put on love. Because love is, as the Phillips translation says, is the golden chain of all the virtues.

The highest of these is love. And you manifest that in your marriage. Love is always reaching.

Love is always moving. Love is never stagnant. Love is always aggressively, in a good way, pursuing the object it says it loves. And therefore, you need to reach out to one another with love and acceptance.

Number eight, refrain from speaking unwholesome words to one another and about one another to other people. This is crucial.

Refrain from speaking unwholesome words to one another and about one another to other people. Ephesians 4:29 says that we're to let no unwholesome word proceed from our mouth. The only words that are to come from our mouth are words that edify, words filled with grace.

And so we have to ask ourselves the question, do I speak wholesome words in my marriage? Listen to what the Bible says in the book of Proverbs, speaking of the virtuous woman. Proverbs 31, verse 11, the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Wow. What a great verse, ladies. She does him good, not evil, not for a while, not for a week, but all the days of her life.

Wow. What a statement. And then it says this in verse number 23, her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

He has popularity because of his wife. And she's not going around and bad-mouthing her husband. She's not going around talking to other people about her husband.

No, he's known in the gates because of his wife. And then it says in verse 28, her husband also, he praises her saying, many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all. You excel them all.

Do you, do you speak wholesome words or unwholesome words? And how about when you talk about your husband's ladies to other ladies, what do you say about your husband? Oh, if you could be in some of the conversations about women speaking to other women about their husbands, not good, not good at all. In fact, listen to Proverbs 17, verse number 9, he who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats the matter separates intimate friends.

If you go around repeating the matter, if you go around talking about your husband to other ladies, you're going to separate the intimacy that you have in your marriage. You can't afford to do that. You want to experience marital bliss. You can't go around speaking to other people unwholesome words about the person you say you love. Doesn't do anybody any good.

There are times when there's sin involved, sometimes heinous sin, where you have to go to your elders or go to your pastor and say, look, I don't know what else to do. I've confronted my husband. I talked to him. I talked to nobody else, but I need the church to help me in this process to help me through the situation. And then the elders of that church will help walk you through those situations that you might experience the joys of your marriage.

But other than that, the ladies in your coffee group, the ladies in your Bible study don't need to hear unwholesome words about your husband. And fellas, the same is true for you. Us, not just you, us, me too, to speak unwholesomely about our wives to others separates intimate friends. It brings a wedge between you and your husband or you and your wife.

So you need to refrain from speaking unwholesome words to one another as well as about one another to other people.

Another blueprint, number nine, is rejoice continually in the Lord for what he has done, what he is doing, and what he will ultimately do.

Rejoice in the Lord for what he has done, what he is doing, and what he will do. Attitude is everything. Attitude in your marriage is everything. Attitude at work, everything. Attitude on your team, whatever it may be. Attitude is everything.

And we need, as believers, to rejoice in the Lord always. Philippians 4:4. First Thessalonians 5. We're to give thanks always. We're to pray always. We're to rejoice always. That's what we do.

And so many times we want to focus on the painful. We need to learn to release the painful in order to retain the joyful. But we want to hang on to the painful. We don't want to let it go.

And yet we don't rejoice in what God has done. And to be able to say, thank you, Lord, for what you've done, what you're doing right now in my marriage. How it is you're working right now in the life of my husband or my wife. How you're moving us on to maturity. And Lord, I know that in the future you're going to do great things because I'm confident of this very thing that he began a good work in me will complete it until the day of Christ.

Lord, you're doing a great work in me, in my marriage, in my husband, in my wife, and things are going to move only progressively better because, Lord, I am confident that you are at work. So I rejoice in the Lord for what he has done, is doing, and will ultimately accomplish.

Number 10. Refuse to compromise the truth of the living God. You want to experience marital bliss, you can't do it by compromising the truth. You've got to refuse to compromise the truth.

Listen to Deuteronomy chapter five, verse number 32. Be careful to do what the Lord your God commands you to do. Do not turn aside to the right or to the left. What great words, what a great commandment.

You need to be careful to do all the words God's commanded you. Don't turn to the right, don't turn to the left, stay in the straight and narrow, keep the commands of God. But whenever you refuse to do that, when you compromise the word of God, you will have marital problems, you'll have no joy in your marriage.

You can't compromise the truth and expect God to bless your marriage. It's not going to happen. And we need to stand true to God's word.

Listen to what it says over in Psalm 119, verse number 1. How blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the Lord. How blessed are those who observe his testimonies, who seek him with all their heart.

They also do no unrighteousness. They walk in his ways. Oh, you have ordained your precepts that we should keep them diligently.

Oh, that my ways may be established to keep your statutes. Then I shall not be ashamed. When I look upon all your commandments, I shall give thanks to you with a brightness of heart.

When I learn your righteous judgments, I shall keep your statutes. Do not forsake me utterly. Psalmists would say, Lord, I want to keep your statutes.

I want to walk in the way of our brightness. I don't want to turn from your truth. I want to keep your word.

That's how marriages succeed. There's no compromise. And whenever you begin to compromise in a little area, you compromise just a little bit more in another area and then another area.

And then all of a sudden you've opened the floodgates to compromise and, Katie bar the door because there's no way out. You got to make sure that you refuse to compromise anything that God says and live in accordance to his truth.

Number 11, ready yourself for spiritual warfare. You want to experience marital bliss? Ready yourself for spiritual warfare. This is, this is the battle, the battle of marital bliss. Satan is against all that God has designed.

And if you're not ready for spiritual warfare, you will fall. It's just that simple. Without the helmet of salvation, without the sword of the spirit, without the belt of truth, without the shield of faith, without the breastplate of righteousness, you're not going to be able to make it through each day.

You're going to war and you got to ready yourself for spiritual warfare. Because if you don't, Peter says, Satan goes around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. But you got to resist him steadfast in the faith.

Your ability to resist Satan comes because you're in the faith. You know the doctrine, you know the truth, and you're able to wield the sword of the spirit because you're defended by the shield of faith.

See, Peter knows because he fell, he succumbed to Satan's temptation. He knew all well that Satan was going about like a roaring lion. Christ even told him, Peter, get thee behind me, Satan, because you don't have in mind the things of God. And he told Peter, Peter, Satan wants to sift you like wheat, but I prayed for you.

And if Satan wants to sift Peter like wheat, what's he going to do to you and your marriage? Because your marriage is a picture of Christ's love for the church. If he can destroy that and ruin that picture, then he has succeeded and you have forfeited marital bliss. So make sure that you ready yourself for spiritual warfare.

Number 12, radiate genuinely, genuinely, excuse me, the love and life of Christ. Radiate genuinely, not hypocritically, but there needs to be a transparency. There needs to be a genuineness about your life that the love of Christ and the life of Christ is clearly seen.

We need to walk in the spirit. We need to walk in the light as he is in the light. We are children of the light.

We need to walk brightly. We need to make sure that we radiate the righteousness of Christ. We are the salt of the earth.

We are the light of the world. We need to let that light shine in such a way that others can see our Lord and glorify him. And so we need to radiate genuinely the love and life of Christ in our marriages.

You know, so many times our lives do not radiate the brightness of Christ. Negativity so many times overshadows our relationships. We can be such negative people.

We can always, you know, be a Debbie Downer, okay, or a Sad Sam. We just don't live radiant, genuine lives. And we're Christians. We're partakers of the divine nature. Christ is the light of the world. His light radiates in and through us.

What's wrong with us that we can't radiate genuinely the love and life of Christ in our marriages? The most intimate of all relationships, this side of eternity. If we can't do that, we forfeit marital bliss. But once you begin to do that, walk in the light as he is in the light, walk in the truth for he's the God of truth, walk in love because he's the God of love. Ah, the genuineness of your beauty. His beauty is seen and shines in and through you.

Number 12. Ah, I've just seen if you're awake. Figured you got an extra hour of sleep. You can't afford to sleep in church.

Refocus your energies on rekindling your passion for one another. Refocus your energies on rekindling your passion, reigniting your passion for one another. Are you passionate in your marriage? Are you passionate about the gift that God's given to you? Are you passionate about your reward? We need to refocus our energies on rekindling and reigniting that passion.

Remember the church of Ephesus in the book of Revelation, the second chapter? They had lost their first love. And you read the book of Ephesus or the book of Ephesians about the church of Ephesus and you read what Paul writes and you read about how Paul plants that church and great things are happening there. You wonder how it is they could ever lose their first love, but they did.

They did. And the Lord tells them you need to repent and you need to remember from where you've fallen and to go back and repeat your first deeds so you can rejoice in your relationship with me. You got to repent.

You got to ask for forgiveness. You got to turn from your ways and remember from where you've fallen. He tells the church you got to go back to the way it was in the beginning when you first got saved.

And you're all excited about church. You know people that are saved, generally saved, they get saved. They're always in church, right? They're here on Wednesdays.

They're here on Sundays. They go to Bible studies. They go to men's meetings.

They go to women's ministries. They do. They're all involved.

And then once they've been saved for a while, they start to skip church here, skip church there. It's not nearly as important. They drop out of Bible study here, drop out of Bible study there.

And then you hardly ever see them again. What happened to their excitement? To their enthusiasm? Nothing breeds more excitement than a new believer because they're always excited. They never want to miss.

But when you're an old believer, you know, I can miss. That's not a big deal. Ah, but the new believer, they're so excited.

So Jesus says, remember from where you've fallen. Remember the way it used to be when you first got saved? And you were always in the Word. You couldn't get enough of the Word.

You're always reading the Word. You wanted to sit under the teaching of the Word of God. You wanted to memorize the Word of God.

You wanted to tell others about what you were learning in the Word of God. You wanted to share Christ with other people. You were so excited because you were a newfound believer and you had the life of Christ in you and you couldn't wait to tell somebody else about Jesus.

That's the way it used to be in Ephesus. And Jesus says, remember from where you have fallen. Remember the way it used to be when things began with me.

Go back and repeat your first deeds. Go back and do what you did at the beginning. Go back and never miss church.

Never miss reading the Word. Never miss the opportunity to share Christ. Never miss anything when it comes to Christianity.

Go back and repeat it the way it was at the beginning and the answer will be, I don't, I don't want to do that. I don't feel like it. He didn't ask them if they felt like it or not.

In fact, Jesus never asked you how you felt. He doesn't care how you feel. He just cares whether or not you're going to obey or not.

Will you do what you're told? Because you see, feeling always follows obedience. Delight always follows duty and discipline. It will be there.

Nobody likes to go to the gym, but when you start losing weight and muscles start growing, there's delight because there's been discipline. You fulfilled your duty. It happens over a long period of time, but it does happen.

Believe me. Look at Alan. It happens. Wow.

The same is true in your relationship with the Lord. Well, the same is true in your marriage, right? Where you focus your energies on rekindling your passion.

Remember from where you've fallen, go back in and do it the way you did at the beginning. Remember how you did it then? Remember, fellas, how you were when you, when you first started dating your lady? Wow. You always smelled good. You always looked good. Car was always clean inside and out. Took her to the nicest restaurant you possibly could afford. Bought her the sweetest gifts you possibly could. Why? Because you wanted to win her. You got to win her.

The problem is once you've won, you just kind of fall off the shelf and you no longer smell the way you used to smell. You certainly don't look like you used to look. You certainly don't go into restaurants anymore like you used to go.

You don't buy her the gifts you used to buy. You don't go back and remember and repeat the first deeds. You're not doing that anymore.

Everything is just kind of ho-hum. And the same, the same with the ladies. Same is true.

He comes to pick you up. You got your best face on. You want to look your best, smell your best, act your best.

You never say a harsh word. Always a kind word. You laugh at every one of his jokes, even though they're not funny.

You just do that because you're looking to be a part of his life. And you don't want him to reject you. So you do everything you can possibly to stay winnable.

See? That's what you do. And then once he wins you and you're married, well then things just are never the same again. Why is that? Well, we won them.

We're in this thing called marriage. Well, you know what? You need to rekindle your passion. Refocus your energies and rekindle your passion.

You want, you want marital bliss? Do this and watch and see, see what happens. And you're going to say, yeah, I don't want to. That's when you need to do it the most.

When you don't want to do it, that's where you got to step up. Step up and begin to do the things you used to do. Repeat your first deeds and watch and see what happens over time.

And lastly, number 14. Remember the best is still yet to come. Remember the best is still yet to come.

What does Solomon say? The end of a matter is always better than its beginning. Ecclesiastes 7, verse number 8. The best is yet to come.

What did Paul say? First Corinthians 2:9. I have not seen nor ear heard and nor has it entered the heart of man the things that God has prepared for those who love him. That's speaking primarily of heaven and the future of our eternal glory. But the same is true for everyday living.

The best is yet to come. If you follow the blueprint, if you focus on the benchmarks, the best is yet to come. It is.

Put it this way. If you focus on the benchmarks and you follow blueprints and you fight the battles, you'll find the blessing. It's just that simple.

But are you willing to do that? I would trust you are. Let's pray.

Father, thank you for today. Thank you for a chance to be in your Word. Lord, you are a great God and we thank you for what you have done. I pray for those in our auditorium today who want to one day get married.

I pray for them as they anticipate the future and all that you have that allows you to work in their hearts and lives, cause them to want to follow and serve and honor you. They might trust you for what you're going to do in their lives. For those of us who are married, we thank you for the spouse that you've given to us.

They are our reward. We are heirs of the grace of life. We have been blessed.

And Lord, we thank you. And our prayer, Father, is that we would understand what your Word says. It just simply comes down to never compromising your Word, living in the light of your Word and watching you do what only you can do.

Lord, we love you. We praise you and thank you for this day, knowing that one day you're going to come. And until that day, may we be unfaithful in our service of the King.

In Jesus' name, Amen.