Blueprints for Marital Bliss, Part 1

This morning I'm excited to talk to you about the blueprint for marital bliss. The last two weeks has been about the benchmarks of marital bliss, and there were two weeks that we covered, and we want you to understand that there were eight benchmarks that we looked at that will help you understand the standard, the measurement by which you are to experience marital bliss.

And today I want to talk to you about the blueprint, the design, the details that God has orchestrated in his word to explain to us what it means to follow him and experience the marital bliss that he has designed for those who love him and want to serve him.

And so as we look at the Scriptures, we want to begin to understand all that God has for us. I want you to remember that you can never change the past. You can't alter what has already taken place.

What's under the bridge is under the bridge and gone. You got to realize that if you want to change the future, it begins today. If you want to revolutionize your future, it begins today.

And so whatever has happened in the past is done and over, and you can move on today. And so the blueprint is going to help you move on as you begin to understand God's detailed design for marital bliss. I think it's important.

But before we do, I just want to reiterate what it is we're doing and why we're doing it. So turn with me in your Bible to the book of Ecclesiastes, the book of Ecclesiastes.

Ecclesiastes is a great book. If you weren't here for our study on this book, you can go back and go to our website and listen to all the sermons about life. And Solomon, of course, wrote Ecclesiastes at the end of his life. He wrote the Song of Solomon first, because he wrote about how to love in life.

And then he wrote the book of Proverbs to his son, because he wrote about how to live in life. And then at the end of his life, he writes Ecclesiastes. And Ecclesiastes is about what he learned about love and living in life.

And so it's a book of repentance. It's a book of change. It's a book of realization.

It's a book that everything that was below the sun is empty. But everything that's lived above the sun, for the glory of God, is not empty, but encouraging, enriching, enabling. It's all about living for the Lord.

And so the book of Ecclesiastes talks to us about living above the sun, not below the sun. And when you come to the 12th chapter, Solomon is writing as an old man. And he's writing in such a way that he wants us to understand three basic principles.

Three that will take him to the end of his life. Three that he needs to reiterate to his son, that he might understand how to live and love in life. Because this is what Solomon's learned.

Now remember, Solomon is the wisest man who ever lived. There is no man who has ever lived who is wiser or was wiser than King Solomon. And so we learn from this man and we begin to understand all that he has to say.

So it concludes with three principles in chapter 12. The first one is just, remember your designer. He says, remember your creator in the days of your youth simply because the evil days are coming.

He wants you to remember that there is a designer of everything. He's the creator of the world. And the creator is the master designer of all that takes place in the world.

That's how he begins. And so he wants us to come to the conclusion that we are to remember our designer before the evil days. And then when you come to verse number nine, he wants you to realize your dependency.

Your dependency upon the word of the living God. And I want you to listen to what he says. Ecclesiastes 12, verse number 9.

In addition to being a wise man, the preacher who was Solomon also taught the people knowledge. Solomon was the wise man. He was the preacher.

He refers to himself as the preacher all throughout the book of Ecclesiastes. But he taught people knowledge. He taught them how to know God.

And then he says this. He says, and he, the preacher, pondered, searched out, and arranged many proverbs. He says this wise man would ponder diligently.

He would search deeply. And he would arrange deliberately the proverbs that would help you understand God. This is Solomon writing.

And he wants you to realize your dependency upon the word of the living God. So he says this. The words, or excuse me, the preacher sought to find delightful words and to write words of truth correctly.

As he comes to the end of his life, he realizes that the words of truth are the only delight you'll ever experience. We forget that. We think there's delight in all kinds of places except the word of the Lord.

But it's God's word that brings delight. It's the word of truth. Earlier in Proverbs, he would say these words in Proverbs chapter 15, verse number 23.

He says, a man has joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word. How delightful is a time, what is a timely word? Well, if you jump down to verse number 26, it says, evil plans are an abomination to the Lord, but pleasant words are pure. So delightful words are pleasant words, and pleasant words are pure.

And then you jump down to chapter 16, verse number 24, it says, pleasant words are a honeycomb sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. What kind of words are pleasant words? What kind of words are delightful words? Well, that's answered in Psalm 19. When it says about the law of God, the judgments of God, when he talks about the commandments of God, the fear of God, the precepts of God, he talks about all those and their importance.

He says they are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold, sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them your servant is warned, and in keeping them there is great reward. And I wonder when Solomon writes the book of Proverbs, does he reflect back on his father and his father's words about the word of the Lord, how pleasant it is, how sweet it is, how rich it is, and now he says there is a timely word, and that timely word is a pleasant word, and that pleasant word is the only word that brings delight.

So when he writes at the end of Ecclesiastes, he says these words very clearly for us to understand, he says the preacher sought to find the delightful words and to write words of truth correctly. And this is where it gets really good. Listen to what he says.

The words of wise men are like goads, and masters of these collections are like well-driven nails. They are given by one shepherd. He goes to the author, the words that are written correctly, the words that I have searched out, the words that are delightful words are given to us by one shepherd.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. They are inspired words by the chief shepherd, the Lord God Himself. And these words are spoken by wise men, and these words are like goads.

You know what a goat is? A goat is a long stick with a metal point at the end, and you use it to stick it in the backside of a mule or the backside of an ox to get them to move. They're motivating. Motivating.

And these words, these wise words given by one shepherd, the Lord God Himself, that Solomon has searched out, that Solomon has written about correctly, the words of truth are like these goads. They stick you in the backside, and they prod you and move you on. And remember, it was Saul who heard the words of the Lord in Acts 26 as he gives his testimony, and it says this, Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.

Saul, what are you doing? You're trying to neglect the truth. You can't kick effectively against the goads, the words that move you, that motivate you. Why? Because if you continue to kick against them, you're going to harden your heart, you're going to be calloused, and you're going to be destroyed by those words.

Stop kicking against the goads, Saul, and just submit to my authority. Solomon says, these words given by one shepherd are like goads. They stick in your backside, and they're always kicking you and moving you forward, not backwards.

And so he says this, he says, the words of the wise are like goads, and masters of these collections are like well-driven nails. These are not tiny nails. These are nails you use to hold down a massive tent.

These are huge nails. You drive into the ground. And so he talks about the Word of God being a motivator because it moves you on to action.

It keeps prodding you forward and at the same time, it stabilizes you. It gives you the security that you need. So when the wind blows, you're immovable.

You do not shake. You don't blow away. You stand strong.

These are like well-driven nails. These goads, these words of the wise, because they're given by one shepherd. They're given by the Lord God himself, and they are the word of the living God.

Then he says this, but beyond this, my son, be warned. Be warned. Now remember, this is the wisest man who ever lived. This is a very intelligent man. He says, be warned. About what? The writing of many books is endless and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body.

Why would he say that? Why would he want to warn us about that? You know, everybody writes a book. Everybody thinks they need to be heard, right? And so they write a book. And the problem is, is that we tend to read books about the Bible instead of reading the Bible itself.

The Word of God that motivates us and moves us to action and secures us and stabilizes us, the books you're reading about marriage don't do that. In fact, any book you read doesn't do that. Only this book does that.

Only the Word of God does that. That's why Paul said to the Ephesians, I commend you to God and the word of his grace that is able to build you up. I'm going to commend you to God and his word because his word is going to build you.

It's going to strengthen you. It's going to stabilize you. It's going to move you to action.

It's the one thing you desperately need is the Word of God. So as I leave, I'm going to commend you to God and the word of his grace because that's exactly what you need. That's why Paul would say in 1 Thessalonians 2:13 that this word effectually works in those who believe.

This word, the Word of God, it works in those who believe. It doesn't work in those who don't believe. But for those who believe, there's something about it that moves you, that transforms you, that changes you, that encourages you, that comforts you, and does something in your heart that no book that you take off your shelf can ever do.

I got a lot of books about marriage and family. Most of them are not very good. And yet there is this book that is a blueprint for marital bliss.

Written by the designer himself who designed marriage. And so what I'm trying to help you understand is that as you come to the end of your life as Solomon is, he says, I want you to remember your designer and I want you to realize your dependency upon the word of that designer, the one shepherd. And then simply just recall your simple duty.

He says this, the conclusion when all has been heard is fear God and keep his commandments. That's your duty. That's it.

Solomon says, as the wisest man who's ever lived, who is the richest man who ever lived, who is the most incredible man that ever lived and experienced everything under the sun, says when it's all said and done there's only one duty and that's to fear God and keep his commandments.

Nothing else matters. You got to fear the one who prods you, who sticks the goat in your backside. You got to fear the one who can stabilize you and secure you. You do that by keeping his commandments. That's it.

He says because this applies to every person, not just certain people, but every person. For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil. So here is this man who was the wisest man who ever lived coming to the ultimate conclusion that you just need to fear God and keep his commandments.

That's it. That's my introduction to the 13 points I want to give you. There's no way I'm going to cover them all this morning, but that's okay.

I'm in no hurry. But what I want you to understand is the blueprint for marital bliss. Number one is this.

You need to realize what God has said from the beginning. You need to realize what God has said from the beginning. You want marital bliss? What does God say about marriage? That's why, as we talked about it on Wednesday nights with our study of Matthew chapter 5 and taking you to Matthew chapter 13, excuse me, Matthew chapter 19, the Lord said these words to the Pharisees who asked them a question about divorce.

He says, have you not read? That's what I would ask you. If you came to me for marital counseling, I would say, have you not read? Have you not heard? This is the Lord's favorite question. You're the intelligent ones.

You're the Pharisees. You should know, have you not read? He says that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female. Don't you remember that? You didn't read that? He takes them all the way back to Genesis chapter 2.

Takes them all the way back to the beginning because marital bliss begins with realizing what God has said from the very beginning that the union you have is a purposeful union. This will be a little bit of review for those of you who are with us on Wednesday nights. It's a purposeful union because in the beginning he made them male and female.

He made one male, one female, and there was a purpose behind that. And he said, this is 2:18. It says that God said it is not good for man to be alone.

Not good. Everything that he created was good. And then all of a sudden there's something that's not good.

And that is for man to live in isolation. So Genesis 2:18 says it is not good for man to be alone. So I will create a help mate for him.

And so God says from the very beginning there was a purpose behind marriage. It was to cancel man's problem. And that it was his isolation.

And in canceling man's problem, he would confirm God's provision because God would give him a help mate. That's God's provision. It's a purposeful union.

In that, he would complete God's picture of his love for the church. For man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. And so that picture is completed by this purposeful union because if man was alone, he could not paint that picture.

And then it would celebrate God's person because he was the one who did it. So God says, have you not read that in the beginning God created the male and female and said, for this reason man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined or cleaved to his wife. In other words, he'll be glued to her.

Not only was it a purposeful union, but it was a permanent union. There's a permanence that's here. And not only is it a permanent union, it's a precious union because then he says, and the two shall become one flesh.

They'll be one sexually. They'll be one spiritually. They'll be one socially. They'll be one emotionally. They will be one, not two. It is the most precious union known to man.

That's why God does not just say, find it. That's why he says, from the beginning, this is the way it was. There is a purpose behind this union.

There is a permanence behind this union. There is a preciousness about this union. Why? Because this union is a predetermined union.

Listen to what he says. So they are no longer one or two, but one flesh, excuse me, but therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.

It's a permanent union. God, it's a predetermined union. God did this.

God joins you together. God gave you your wife. God gave you your husband.

You can say all you want. Well, I married out of the will of the Lord. I married the wrong guy.

No you didn't, because the one you're married to is the right guy or the right woman because that's the will of God for you. And so you can try to rationalize you're leaving them or not wanting to be with them, but God joins you together. Whether you're married in Vegas, whether you're married in a barn or the beach or church with a judge or a pastor, God joins you together.

It's a predetermined union. And so they said to him, then why did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away? He said to them, because the hardness of your heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it has not been this way.

From the beginning. You want marital bliss? You got to go all the way back to Genesis 2:24. Because that is the one verse in the Bible that God has designed for marriage. It's his commentary on marriage.

It's repeated four times in the New Testament. So somehow, if there is a lack of marital bliss in my marriage, I got to go back to the ultimate designer and the blueprint that he's given, and it takes me all the way back to the beginning, the foundation of everything. Realize what God has said from the beginning.

Because if you don't, then you'll never experience the joy that God has for you in your marriage. Years ago, when I was younger than I am now, I was in my 30s, and I was an associate pastor at a very, very large church in Orange County. There was around 10,000 people in the church.

There were a lot of married people in the church. And I was assigned a position of the family ministry's pastor. And I was 37 years of age.

And so I had a couple come to me one day who had been married for a long, long time. And they came to me for counseling. And I had only been married a few short years to Laurie.

And so they came to me, and I'm like, you know, I don't have much experience. All I can give you is the Word of God. All I can do is tell you what God said, and then you got to go from here or from there.

So they came to my office, and they'd been married over 30 years. And they came to me for counseling because they were struggling mightily in their marriage. They said, we have no joy.

It's a drudgery. It is a daily chore just to talk with one another. We just don't want to be married anymore.

I said, well, all I can do is take you to the very beginning. So I took them to Genesis 2, and I read them that verse. And I explained to them what I explained to you this morning, that this is a very predetermined union.

God joined you together. Are you doubting the providence of God? Are you doubting the plan of God, that God has a plan? And now you're saying, well, the plan just didn't work out very well. Is that God's fault, or is that your fault? I mean, you can blame God if you want to, but it's not his fault.

Why? Because it wasn't good for man to be alone. So he gave you a helpmate. He gave you this union.

He gave you this union because there was a purpose behind it. And in that purpose, there was great, great preciousness, because you became one flesh. And I said, you have children, and those children are following your example.

And so you need to provide for them the example that glorifies the Lord. And so I said, this union is a permanent union. It's God who's joined you together.

And you left to cleave. You left your families to cleave to one another, to be glued together, to be stuck together, and become one. So you are no longer two, but one.

And so as I sat there and talked to them about Genesis 2:24, they looked at me and they said, you know, we've never really heard it that way before. I said, you haven't? They said, no, not really. I said, well, let's begin by going back to the beginning.

And I will help you. I will help you understand the beginning, and I will walk you through this union that you have. I will walk you through how precious it is.

I will walk you through what God's predetermined plan for your life is. I will walk you through what God has said about your helpmates and design that God had for you as a person so that you would not be isolated and be alone. So we did.

And for the next several months, we walked them through one verse, Genesis 2:24. And they decided to stay together, and they decided to work on their marriage. And through the years that I was at this church, great things began to happen in their family, and they had restored the joy of their marriage.

Because they just simply followed the blueprint. That's it. I mean, you can't build a house unless you follow the blueprint.

You can't build a shed unless you follow the blueprint. You can't put the bike together unless you follow the blueprint. There is a design that's been given on how to put things together, and the great designer of the world has said, this is how marriages are put together.

So realize, realize what God said from the very beginning. You want marital bliss? That's where it begins, at the beginning. Where else would it begin, right? So once you realize what God has said from the beginning, number two, you need to be able to recommit yourself to the purpose and purposes of Christ.

Recommit yourself to the person and purposes of Christ. Lord, this is your purpose. Lord, this is your plan.

Lord, you are who you are. You are the designer. I commit my life to you.

I commit my life to serve you. For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain. I'm going to live for Christ. I'm going to honor the Christ. I'm going to follow you.

Remember what it says way back in the book of 2 Chronicles? About Uzziah, 2 Chronicles chapter 26, verse number 3, it says, Uzziah was 16 years old when he became king.

I marvel at that. 16, became king over Israel. Could your 16-year-old do that? Could your 16-year-old be the king of Israel? But Uzziah was.

It says he reigned 52 years in Jerusalem. 52 years. And his mother's name was Jechaliah of Jerusalem.

He did right in the sight of the Lord according to all that his father Amaziah had done. He continued to seek God in the days of Zechariah who had understanding through the vision of God. And as long as he sought the Lord, God prospered him.

As long as he sought the Lord, God prospered him. That should speak volumes to us. What are you seeking? What are you looking for? As long as you seek the Lord, there's something that God does in you and for you.

And I don't know what that is going to be for you because I'm not living your life and you're not living mine. But you need to recommit your life to the person and purposes of Christ. For as long as Uzziah sought the Lord, he prospered.

There was a day though that came and Uzziah thought that he could perform a priestly duty as a king. And that's recorded later in verse 16. But when he became strong, his heart was so proud that he acted corruptly.

He was unfaithful to the Lord his God, for he entered the temple of the Lord to burn incense on the altar of incense. Then Azariah the priest entered after him and with him 80 priests of the Lord, valiant men, 81 priests followed the king into the temple. They opposed Uzziah the king and said to him, it is not for you Uzziah to burn incense to the Lord, but for the priest, the sons of Aaron who are consecrated to burn incense, get out of the sanctuary, leave.

For you have been unfaithful and will have no honor from the Lord God. But Uzziah was with a censer in his hand for burning incense was enraged. And while he was enraged with the priests, the leprosy broke out on his forehead before the priest in the house of the Lord beside the altar of incense.

Azariah the chief priest and all the priests looked at him and behold he was leprous on his forehead. And they hurried him out of there and he himself also hastened to get out because the Lord had smitten him. King Uzziah was the leper to the day of his death.

He lived in a separate house being a leper for he was cut off from the house of the Lord and Jotham his son was over the king's house judging the people of the land. As long as he sought the Lord he prospered. But one day Uzziah decided to do his own thing and he suffered.

He suffered greatly. Again that should speak volumes to us. As long as you seek the Lord you will prosper.

You will grow. God will bless. But as soon as you decide to act on your own outside of the will of God, do your own thing because pride has filled your heart.

And even though people around you say hey you know you can't do that. That's wrong. That's sin.

81 priests said Uzziah you can't do this. This is not for you the king. This is this is a priestly duty.

This is not a kingly duty. You cannot do this. He was enraged because someone said you can't do this.

He was so bent on doing what he wanted to do it made no difference what anybody else said. And so he broke out with leprosy. He was isolated for the rest of his life simply because he stopped seeking the Lord and dishonored the Lord.

We need to recommit ourselves to the person and purposes of Christ. Like I said earlier you can't change what has happened in the past. It's done. It's over. And our God is a gracious forgiving loving God. He forgives sin.

He separates them as far as the east is from the west. He does not hold that sin against you. He does not keep account of your sins.

He separates you from them. So when you repent of your sins and you truly seek the Lord, he's a forgiving God. When you realize what God has said from the beginning and you recommit yourself to the person and purposes of Christ God begins to bless in ways you can't imagine.

But this is the blueprint. This is how it begins. Having recommitted your life to the person and purposes of Christ because you have realized what God has said from the beginning.

Number three. You recognize the days you have together are numbered. Recognize the days you have together are numbered.

In other words you're not going to be married forever. Someone's going to die and you'll be left here. And you need to recognize that your days are numbered.

Meaning that you should live each day as if it was your last. Because your days are numbered recognize that and then live today as if this is the last day you will ever be with your husband or wife. This is the last day.

This is it. There's no tomorrow. There's only today.

Yesterday is gone. I'm no guarantee of tomorrow but I have today. And so I'm going to make this day count because I realize what God has said from the beginning that this is a union that is so precious, so permanent, so predetermined, so purposeful that God is doing something great.

And I've recommitted my life to him. I'm going to make this moment the best moment possible. That's why the psalmist said, or Moses said, teach us to number our days, that we might apply our hearts unto wisdom.

That's why Paul said in Ephesians 5 you need to walk in wisdom. Walk wisely. Redeeming the time. Buying back every moment for the sake of eternity because the days are evil. We live in an evil day. But this moment, this day, this could be your last day.

If it is, how is it you live it? Have you recommitted yourself to the purpose and person of Christ? Have you realized what he said from the beginning? That on this day, this moment, live that out. You know what marital bliss? That's where it begins. Right there.

And now you begin this journey that will unfold for you day after day after day because you never know if that's the last day. See we live as if we're going to live forever. We plan vacations for next year.

We plan getaways for two years from now. We have 5-year goals and 10-year goals. Why? Bible says take no thought for tomorrow for each day is enough trouble of its own.

Stay focused in the present. Stay focused in the moment. Stay set on doing what God says right now in this moment for the glory of his kingdom and watch and see what happens in your marriage. Let me pray with you.

Lord God, there is so much to say and so little time to say it. But you are a great God.

And you have designed from the very beginning how things should be. And forgive us, Lord, for not realizing that. You have written it down.

You have said it. Have we not read? Have we not heard? If we're here today, we have read and heard so we know what was said. We need to recommit our lives to you and to your purposes.

Paul said for me to live as Christ in the day of his gain. May we live for Christ because each day, each moment could be our last. And if it is, how will it be lived? Will it be lived for your glory or will it be lived selfishly? Will we live it for the sake of a pure and holy life because you are holy and we are to be as holy as you are holy? Or will we live these moments in unholiness, in sinfulness? Oh God, help us not to do that.

This is our moment. This is our time. This is our gift.

You gifted us this hour. You gifted us this moment and we have no guarantee that we will be around tonight or tomorrow for that matter. We only have this moment.

If there be someone here who doesn't know you and never committed their life to you, may this be the day of their salvation. May they come to Christ. May they repent of their sins and may they live for the glory and honor of the King.

For those of us who are children of the King, oh Lord, help us to live as children of the King. Help us to honor the King. Help us to seek the Lord that we may prosper and not be like Uzziah who was one day strong and filled with pride, decided to do what he wanted to do simply because he wanted to do it outside the will of God.

He suffered greatly. Oh Lord, help us not to be that kind of person. Help us to continue to seek and honor you as King until you come again as you most surely will.

Amen.