Benchmarks of Marital Bliss, Part 1

On Wednesday night, we looked at the battle against marital bliss. As you looked at that battle, we saw there were several elements that pour into that. One is an unforgiving spirit that will always hinder marital bliss.

We also looked at the fact that there is the kind of attitude that is negative. And when you have out of control anger and conflict, it destroys your marital bliss. And so we listed different aspects that hinder joy in your marital journey.

This morning, I want to look at not the battle against marital bliss, but I want to look with you at the benchmarks of marital bliss. And then I want to look at the blueprint for marital bliss.

You know, the Lord has given us just one book, the Bible. And the Bible has the answer to everything. Peter tells us in 2 Peter, excuse me, chapter 1, these words, verse 2, grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, seeing that he or that his divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness through the true knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and excellence.

And everything that, in other words, everything that pertains to life and godliness is in the scriptures. And it's in accordance with the true knowledge of the Lord Jesus. And so it's imperative that we look at the one manual that God has given to us to understand marriage.

After all, he is the creator of marriage. It's his divine institution. And I think so many times we kind of set the Bible aside when it comes to our marriages. Can't afford to do that because in the scriptures, we have all the counsel that we need.

In fact, the Bible says in Psalm 119:24, your testimonies are my delight. They are my counselors. That's just such a powerful statement.

That the testimony of God is the delight of the psalmist because they are his counselors. We have a counselor. Isaiah 9 tells us that the son that's given, the child that is born, has a name.

His name is not only wonderful, but his name is counselor. In other words, the savior of the world is a counselor. And he's the best of all counselors simply because he's a very close counselor.

He says, I will never leave you nor forsake you. You can go to your pastor for counseling, or you can go to a friend for counseling, or a neighbor for counseling, or some biblical counselor for counseling, but they're never as close as the counselor. Because the person you go to see is only for an hour or so, and then they're out of your presence.

But the chief counselor is never out of your presence because he will never leave you nor forsake you. That's why he is called counselor, because he is the one who is truly close to you. And not only is he a close counselor, but he is a confidential counselor.

The Bible calls him a faithful high priest. In other words, when you go to the Christ for counsel, he doesn't share it with the angels in heaven, or he doesn't share it with anybody else because he is a faithful counselor. So not only is he a close counselor, but he is truly a confidential counselor.

And believe it or not, he is a compassionate counselor. You can go to someone for counsel, but you might be going through something they have never gone through. But you have a high priest who can sympathize with you, because he has been tempted in all points like you are, yet without sin.

So our Lord is a compassionate counselor. He's a very close counselor. He's a very confidential counselor.

But also, he's a cognizant counselor. In other words, he knows what you're coming for. He knows what you need before you ever ask him.

He knows what's in your heart. You go to somebody for counseling, they don't know what's in your heart. They don't know what you're coming for.

They have no idea. And you can sit there and talk to them, but never truly expose your heart to them, and they'll never really understand the true condition of your heart. But our Lord, not only is he a compassionate counselor, he's a cognizant counselor.

He knows everything. That's why when we read earlier in John chapter 2, he wasn't entrusting himself to men because he knew what was in man. That's just an amazing, amazing thing about our Lord.

But note this, the counselor, our Savior, is such a great counselor. He is the only one who is a capable counselor. In other words, he is capable to do that which is exceeding abundantly above all that you can ever ask or think.

He is a capable, more than capable counselor, because that same counselor is called mighty God. And he can do whatever he wants because he's in charge. And so we have this manual, this Bible, this inspired Word of God that everything that pertains to life and godliness is right here.

Everything that pertains to your marital life is right here. It's not outside of this. It's right here.

And so you need to go to the Scriptures. The Bible says that the inspired Word of God is so capable that it is valuable for instruction, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that every man, every woman can be thoroughly equipped to do what God's called him to do. And the word for equipped in 2 Timothy 3 is a word that deals with the mending of nets or the setting of bones.

So when you go to the Scriptures and your life is tattered, He's the one who can tie the net back together again. When you go to Him with broken, shattered bones, He's the one who can set them in place and make the man or woman of God thoroughly perfect to accomplish all that God wants them to accomplish. In fact, the Bible says in John 14 twice, in John 15 once, in John 16 once, that the Spirit of God is a counselor, a comforter, a helper.

God is so concerned about your life that He's given you the Spirit of God to come alongside you, not just to bring conviction in your life, but to bring comfort in your life because He is your helper. He is your counselor. That's why the Bible says in Psalm 32, verse number 8, I will instruct you and teach you in the way that you should go, and I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

The Lord counsels us with His eye upon us. Think about that. Years ago when my first wife contacted cancer and died, I needed a counselor, and I realized that the Word of God was my counselor.

I realized not just were the Scriptures my counselor, but the Spirit of God was my counselor, and my Savior God was my counselor. And so in my loneliness, in my deepest need, I would do what? I would go to the counselor that was cognizant of my need. I would go to the counselor who was compassionate enough to meet that need.

I would go to the counselor that was the only one capable of handling my need. Only one. Nobody else.

And I realized that when the psalmist needed counsel, he cried out to his God. And I figured if it was good enough for the psalmist, that's got to be good enough for me. And so I would cry out to the Lord.

You know what I realized? I realized that the Spirit of God, along with the Scriptures used by my Savior, would bring to me the greatest comfort I could ever, ever have. And so when we think about our marriages, then where do we go for counsel? Who do we speak to? Who do we go to?

Well, God has given us His Word. And in that Word, He's given us several benchmarks, standards. Those standards are the measuring rod for a joyful journey in marriage. He's given us these standards, and the standard is not your parents' marriage, or your in-laws' marriage, or your pastor's marriage. Your standard is the Word of God.

That's the benchmark. That's measuring rod. And so when you evaluate your marriage, you evaluate it in light of the benchmark that's there.

The measuring rod that helps you examine where you stand. And so if there is not marital bliss, then where am I forsaking the benchmarks that God has given me in His Word that would allow me to live in a way that glorifies and honors the Lord?

So I want to give you those benchmarks. There are at least eight of them.

And then I'm going to give you the blueprint for your marriage. If you're not married, and you one day want to be married, mark these benchmarks down. Examine the individual you want to marry in light of the benchmarks.

And then understand that the blueprint that God gives us outlines exactly how to obtain marital bliss. You with me? All right, hang tight. Here we go.

The first benchmark has to do with salvation. Salvation is the priority. Salvation is the priority.

Why? Because God is the author of marriage. And so for your marriage to function in a way that glorifies the Lord, you must be saved. You must be born again.

You must know the Lord. Salvation is the priority. Listen to Psalm 112.

Praise the Lord. How blessed is the man who fears the Lord? And in the Psalms and in the book of Proverbs, fear the Lord is a synonym for salvation. So blessed is the Lord, or how blessed is the man who is truly born again, who greatly delights in his commandments.

Those who fear the Lord greatly delight in his commandments. His descendants will be mighty on earth. The generation of the upright will be blessed.

Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. God in verse 6, he will never be shaken. The righteous will be remembered forever.

He will not fear evil tidings. His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is upheld.

He will not fear. In other words, there is something about saving grace that allows me to understand true bliss in my marriage.

For example, you want to be loved by your husband or loved by your wife. At the same time, you are to love your husband and love your wife. In fact, the Bible says, right, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Well, if you're a believer, you understand that.

If you're not a believer, you don't get that. So you can't love as Christ loved the church, because marriage is primarily a picture of Christ's relationship with the church. Marriage is primarily not about your happiness.

I know you think it is. We get married because you want to be happy. We get married because we don't want to be lonely.

But marriage is not about exempting you from loneliness or happiness or unhappiness. Marriage is about honoring and glorifying the Lord. It's a picture of Christ's relationship to the church.

And so every day, every day in your marriage, you are painting a portrait of Christ's love for his church. Every day you wake up, there's a brand new canvas in your house. In some way, somehow, you are going to paint that canvas throughout the day.

And how you live your life is going to demonstrate your husband's love for his wife to picture Christ's relationship to the church. At the same time, the Bible says in the book of Titus that older women are to teach younger women to love their husbands, to love their husbands. Well, how can I love my husband if I don't understand the love of God? I can't.

So when I'm born again, Romans 5 says that the love of God is shed abroad in my heart. So because I'm born again and God's love is shed abroad in my heart, now I can free myself up to love you in a way that honors the Lord. But if I'm not saved, I cannot do that.

It's impossible. In fact, the Bible says in 2 Timothy 1:7 that God has given us a spirit of love. Love.

So the Holy Spirit is that which grants us the opportunity to truly love. The fruit of the Spirit, Galatians 5:22, is love. So the byproduct, the spirit of God within me, is the ability and opportunity to love as Christ loves the church, to love my husband.

I can only do that through the Spirit of God. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4, and you know the verses, the great love chapter, right? It says love is patient, love is kind. But if you read it in the original language, it says the love is patient and the love is kind.

And the definite article is before those two qualities and not the other qualities. And they are there for one reason, because it is the love. What love? It is the love of God that is patient.

It is the love of God that is kind. So the measuring rod for your relationship is the love of God, which is long-suffering. It's patient. And was not God long-suffering with you?

And then all the while He was being long-suffering with you, He was always bestowing goodness and kindness your way. And that's what love entails.

You see, the love is long-suffering. So you measure your love by biblical standards. So the love is long-suffering. It's patient. And all the while it is bearing with you, it is continuing to bestow acts of kindness your way.

You want to talk about marital bliss? Wow, that's just a great marriage. Looking for ways to bear with my spouse and then to be able to do good constantly while I'm bearing with them, even though they might not respond. That's the love that is patient, the love that is kind.

It goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 13:5, that love takes no record of wrongdoing.

In other words, I don't keep a record of all the wrongs that you have done. Why? Because I am patiently bearing with you and bestowing acts of kindness your way. And those acts of kindness I bestow your way are helping to erase the memories of the record of all the wrongs that you have done.

The love is patient. The love is kind. So that can only happen if you're born again.

That's why salvation is a priority. Listen to 1 John 4, verse number 7. Beloved, let us love one another for love is from God. Love is from God. And everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

If you want to love the way God loved, you can only do that if you know God. That's it.

And then he says this, the one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God's love is visible, right? God demonstrated His love toward us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us. God's love is not only visible, God's love is volitional. He chose to love you.

He told Israel way back in the book of Deuteronomy after they had gone through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers, okay, in which God never said to Israel, I love you. Never said that until the book of Deuteronomy chapter 7. And then He says, I chose you simply because I love you.

That's it. But you see all through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers, He kept visualizing His love for them. He kept demonstrating His love for them.

Why? Because love is demonstrative. Love is visible. It's always seen.

And your husband or your wife must always see the love because it's visible. You can say you love someone, but do you show them you love them? And that love was volitional. That love was sacrificial. That love was beneficial. That love was transformational, the love of God. And if you don't know God, you can't love the world.

Scripture must be your authority. Scripture must be your authority. This is a benchmark for marital bliss.

This is a measuring standard for marital bliss. God's Word must be your authority. And this is where we’re going to lose a lot of us right here.

Why? Because the Scripture is your authority. And the Bible says you are to forgive, you obey without question, without hesitation, without reservation, if the Bible is your authority. If the Bible is not your authority, when you hear the Word of God, you always insert the word, but.

But you're not married to the person I'm married to. Yet, if you knew the person I lived with, there's always an excuse for those who don't have the Scripture as their authority. But those who have the Scripture as their authority, they don't question God.

They don't hesitate when God gives a command. They don't even have a reservation about what God says. They just do.

If you love me, Christ says, you will keep my commandments. You won't question my commandments. You won't hesitate to obey my commandments.

You'll just do them if you love me. But if you love yourself more than you love me, you will hesitate. You'll have reservations.

If you're looking to preserve something other than your relationship with me, you'll hesitate. You'll question. The bottom line is, Scripture must be your authority.

To this man will I look. To him who is broken and of a contrite heart, who trembles at my word, Isaiah 66, verse number 2, who trembles at my word.

By wisdom a house is built. By understanding it is established. And by knowledge, all the rooms are filled with precious and pleasant riches. Only by knowledge, understanding, and wisdom, all that comes through the Scriptures, which needs to be your ultimate authority.

So the question comes, is the Bible your authority? Mary, when she was 12 or 13 years of age, said these words in Luke 1:38. She said, be it done to me according to your word. Do what you want to me according to your word.

That was her attitude. That's the way she lived her life. And even though she knew that her had not seen another man until the angel told him, still she said, be it done to me according to your word.

See that? You're looking to marry someone one day. Is the Scripture their authority? Is it the benchmark by which they live their life? Because if the Bible's not your authority, something else is or someone else is, right? We all live in line with some authority. And so therefore, we subject ourselves to whatever that authority may be.

And as a Christian, we subject ourselves to the authority of the Word of God. What does God's Word say? Because whatever it says, that's what I will do. See, that's why it's so important that when you talk to people, I've shared with this, with people on Wednesday nights, that when someone comes to you and asks you a question, say, will you do whatever the Bible says without reservation, yes or no? If they say yes, you can help them.

If they say no, you can't help them. Why? Because they have to be willing to do what God says no matter what. Why? That's so important.

We need to listen to the voice of God. Because when you don't, sin happens. How do we know that? Book of Genesis, 3rd chapter, listen to what God says to Adam.

Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you saying, you shall not eat from it. In other words, you didn't listen to my voice, but you listened to the voice of your wife. Listen, if the voice of your wife or the voice of your husband is contrary to the authority of the word of God, you do not listen.

Why? Because God wants you to listen to Him and do what He says. And we live in sin today because one man listened to his wife and did not listen to the voice of God. And therefore, man is cursed.

The world is cursed. God says, my voice is important. That's why in the transfiguration, God said, this is my beloved Son.

Listen to Him. Listen to Him. Because if you don't, you will sin.

Because you're listening to another voice, a voice that may or may not be the voice that God wants you to listen to. And the Scriptures are how God speaks to us. Therefore, we must listen to everything that God says.

So, how do you know the Bible is your authority? How do you know that Scripture is that one benchmark that is immovable in my marriage? If salvation is a benchmark, and I'm saved by the hearing of the word of God, then the word of God becomes that second benchmark by which I govern my life. So, if that's the case, I don't even flirt with the opportunity to even date the unbeliever. I don't do that.

Because the Bible says I cannot be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. And if I want to have Scripture as my authority, I just don't even entertain the opportunity to date the unbeliever. I don't do that.

Because Scripture is my authority. And I want to do what the Bible says, no matter what. And you who are looking to get married, you want to marry somebody who will never compromise the word of God, never turn their back on the word of God, but always hold it in high esteem.

Because that's the benchmark. That's the measuring rod. So, ask yourself this question, do I desire the word of God passionately? Do I desire it passionately? The psalmist said, your testimonies are my delight.

Psalm 119:32, I shall run the way of your commandments and you will enlarge my heart. Verse 47 of Psalm 119, I shall delight in your commandments, which I love. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces. Verse 72.

Verse 111, I have inherited your testimonies forever for they are the joy of my heart.

Do you desire the word of God passionately? Then you know that God's word is your authority.

Number two, do you defend it vigorously? Do you defend it vigorously? We are to contend earnestly for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints, Jude 3, 1 Timothy 6, verse number 20. We're to guard that which has been entrusted to us. Paul would say something similar in 2 Timothy 1:13 and 14.

We're to retain the standard. We're to protect the standard. You defend it vigorously.

Why? Because you never want to compromise it and you don't want other people speaking against it. So you desire it passionately and you defend it vigorously. Number three, you declare it openly.

You preach the word in season and out of season. You declare it openly. You're not ashamed of the gospel.

Why? It's your authority by which you live, by which you were saved. Next, you demonstrate it clearly. If it's your authority, you demonstrate it clearly.

Paul told Timothy, be an example in the faith. Be an example in your speech and your love, right? But be an example in the faith. Demonstrate to others that what you say you believe, you truly believe.

So you demonstrate it clearly. Paul told Titus to adorn the doctrine of God. In other words, you're to clothe yourself in doctrine so that you live in line with what the So you demonstrate it clearly.

You're devoted to it wholeheartedly, Acts 2:42. You're devoted to it wholeheartedly, not half-heartedly, but with all that you have, because the early church was devoted to the apostles' teaching and doctrine. Are you devoted wholeheartedly to the Word of God? Then you can say that Scripture is your authority.

Are you directed by it daily? Are you directed by it daily? Not just when it's convenient, not just when it looks good, but every day of my life, I am directed and guided by the Word of the living God. Psalm 43, verse number 3, the psalmist said, send forth thy light that I may walk in that light. We are to walk daily in line with the authority of the Word of God.

So you are directed by it daily. And then you depend on it continually. It's your life, Deuteronomy 32.

These words are not a vain word. These words are actually your life, Deuteronomy 6:24. These words are for your good always and for your survival.

Moses says, when you go into the promised land, the only way you're going to survive in a pagan culture, the only way you're going to survive in a land that wants to swallow you up is by adhering and depending upon God's holy Word. Is Scripture your authority? Is salvation your priority? Those are the benchmarks. Those are the standards by which when enacted, marital bliss begins to really blossom.

And I want in your life, in my life, to be able to live in light of the authority of the Word of God. Let's pray together. Father, we thank you for today and the opportunity you give us to be in your Word.

And pray, Father, that we would live accordingly, that you'd be honored in our lives because we have sought to worship and honor you with all that we have. In Jesus' name, amen.